July 6
Keeps Duncan young
— Dan Le Batard Show (@LeBatardShow) July 7, 2019
Wins title
Finals MVP
Ends Heat Big 3
Doesn't get traded home
Wins new team and country first title anyway
Finals MVP
Ends Warriors Big 4
Could form best trio ever with Lakers/win 5 titles
But barges into LeBron's home to fight instead
Saves league
Gangster
Paul George's ex is Doc Rivers' daughter, who he allegedly cheated on with a Miami stripper. Now Doc's his coach. The NBA is wild.
— Brody Logan (@BrodyLogan) July 6, 2019
MSNBC: Jeffrey Epstein, friend of Donald Trump, has been arrested for sex trafficking of minors
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) July 7, 2019
FOX: Jeffrey Epstein, friend of Bill Clinton, has been arrested for sex trafficking of minors
CNN: History of Comedy Part 6: Vines!
Anybody want four hundred 'Leave Kawhi Alone' shirts?
— Rodrigo Fernandez-Stoll (@rodrigofstoll) July 6, 2019
July 7
the USWNT preemptively turned down an invitation to go to the white house and all of MAGA was like "actually go win the world cup before you talk shit" and the USWNT was like "okay you buncha fucking idiots" and then went out AND WON THE WORLD CUP 😂😂😂😂😂 what an all-time flex
— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) July 7, 2019
We already discussed this. Science is science. Gays rule. @Ashlyn_Harris @alikrieger https://t.co/Q80L65O0OZ
— Megan Rapinoe (@mPinoe) July 7, 2019
This team barely gets paid, told our dumbest president to fuck off, scored 13 goals in a game, sarcastically sipped tea, celebrated by listening to Crime Mob, and won back to back World Cups. If they're not the most American team of all time, you're wrong.
— Alfonso Lopez (@OKAlLopez) July 7, 2019
Why are the peas upside down.
— Spotty Len (@SpottyLen) July 7, 2019
It's fucking me up. pic.twitter.com/P9Y2N68IOA
The things I go through with bayou fishing 😂😂🎣🐍 pic.twitter.com/5E5qqg6Ira
— TEXAS WILD BOY🎣🐍 (@ChaseThePlayBoy) July 8, 2019
THEY PLAYED THE WRONG SONG FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM I- pic.twitter.com/7hM1riH1IO
— urlocaldonut @ ig ✨ (@eveestg) July 8, 2019
what the the fuck just happened pic.twitter.com/DdH80v4Pi8
— Unusual Videos 🤔 (@UnusualVideos) July 7, 2019
"How will you feel if Bill Clinton gets implicated by Jeffrey Epstein?"
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) July 7, 2019
I dunno - feeling pretty fucking good with my "any pedophile is bad" policy
Rachel Gullezal https://t.co/EqP93NP9te
— Daniel José Older (@djolder) July 7, 2019
July 8
Volume on pic.twitter.com/HGMiepcKsq
— Molly (@Molly_Kats) July 8, 2019
So I decided to retire Kawhi Leonard's jersey into the rafters of my house. #ThankYouKawhi @timandsid @WorldWideWob #WeTheNorth pic.twitter.com/ELFpHix3iO
— Kawhi Anunoby (@CaptMaverick85) July 8, 2019
british people be having sex like:
— butters (@yung_butters) July 8, 2019
mmmm yes splendid ah indeed scrumptious carry on good heavens i'm arriving
Yeah the Home Run Derby is cool, but nothing is more electric than the Korean bunting contest. pic.twitter.com/h5Acu4o34O
— Jacob Resnick (@Jacob_Resnick) July 9, 2019
mom, dad? I need to tell you something. I greet fans. https://t.co/sFTw6SdqBv
— Amanda Richards (@amandakater) July 8, 2019
The Joker's origin story is he's a dude that failed at comedy and then lost his mind? I don't need to see that movie, I've already watched it happen live at least 16 times at UCB.
— Mary Sasson (@marysasson) July 8, 2019
Just so you know, the previous tenant of your apartment definitely still has a key. Anyway, have a good night.
— Dave Shumka (@daveshumka) July 9, 2019
July 9
Rip Torn gave me two of my favourite comedic performances of all time. the sort of consummate professional who didn't even seem to perceive how profoundly funny he was. last of the bygone breed of two-fisted drunks. also his name was "Rip Torn." RIP. pic.twitter.com/3ET7vPBTfY
— john (@johnsemley3000) July 10, 2019
Wanna wish a Happy 63rd Birthday to my dad!!! He's a good man with a great sense of humor. Love ya Pops! https://t.co/srM1QhmXu2 pic.twitter.com/u2VKMNz0ft
— Colin Hanks (@ColinHanks) July 9, 2019
July 10
Eddie Murphy did an interview in 1990 about John Landis and COMING TO AMERICA and it is wild. pic.twitter.com/DO9eZsa66H
— Nti Aning (@NtiAning) July 10, 2019
Is it a "dad bod" cause I still wanna suck the kids outta him? https://t.co/sgSbapA4Ef
— Marcella Arguello (@marcellacomedy) July 11, 2019
so in bagel boss this morning, the misogynistic douchebag seen in the video was degrading almost all of the female staff as well as other patrons. fuck this guy. pic.twitter.com/LZh1Uk4UXZ
— olivia shea 🏳️🌈 (@oliviabradley88) July 10, 2019
How many times have you watched the Bagel Boss video?
— Paul Iaconetti (@Paul_Iac) July 10, 2019
Me: pic.twitter.com/lkex0oivhs
Rip Torn was not only a brilliant actor with a huge personality but he was also hot.I once told him that I had a nude pic of him from an early film he'd done called Coming Apart.He was pleased that the pic had helped me thru my adolescence and from that point on I could no wrong.
— Scott Thompson (@ScottThompson_) July 10, 2019
My Uber profile says I'm deaf so when I get into Uber's I usually just sign hello to them and don't speak anymore but this Uber driver just called someone and said "this deaf bitch just got in so I can talk for a minute" lmfaooooo
— Nicole (@nicoleslaaww) July 10, 2019
Of course unemployment is low. Everyone needs three jobs.
— Dana Gould (@danagould) July 10, 2019
July 11
wow so many good duos in the NBA now
— SB Nation (@SBNation) July 12, 2019
• Westbrook and Harden
• LeBron and AD
• Kyrie and KD
• Kawhi and Paul George
• Knicks and losing
Always be aware of your surroundings. You never know what sort of miracles may be happening right behind your back. pic.twitter.com/J8NGLsH2lN
— Podcast But Outside (@PodButOutside) July 11, 2019
paramedic: sir, I tried "Wife" from your phone and she didn't pick up
— jo diggity (@WhaJoTalkinBout) June 12, 2019
my husband: *gasping for breath* you have to call twice
This Sawfish mouth pic.twitter.com/mnG3TLAyIe
— 41 Strange (@41Strange) July 11, 2019
July 12
That height difference 🤯 pic.twitter.com/8VuGKSUQFL
— Bleacher Report NBA (@BR_NBA) July 12, 2019
I really log onto Twitter only to see if anything funny has happened to @Andrew_N_Hood at the bookstore. https://t.co/oXHxJnwTEj
— angie abdou (@angie_abdou) July 12, 2019