January 28
Ben Carson always sounds like he's re-telling the plot of a movie that the two of you just saw together. #GOPDebate
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) January 29, 2016
Historians will trace the decline of my sanity around the day I, when speaking to my cat, began to call myself "Mama Cat" in the 3rd person.
— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) January 29, 2016
January 27
Kanye's tweets as read by a Shakespearean actor.
— David Schneider (@davidschneider) January 27, 2016
If you want to make someone feel small, watch them push an elevator button, and then push it again right in front of them.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) January 27, 2016
January 26
Can't imagine how devastated Selena Gomez is about Abe Vigoda.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) January 26, 2016
Health experts are warning women to stop putting herbs in their vagina as it could be dangerous. "Heeeey," said a guy named Herb.
— Bobby Kerr (@MrBobKerr) January 26, 2016
January 25
If everyone contributes a small amount of their income, we can pool all the resources together to defeat socialism https://t.co/weT2oLkZLp
— Bile Cube (@BileCube) January 26, 2016
Some say they are still fighting to this day. pic.twitter.com/DIO0IMezMc
— The Beek Incarnate (@JaimsVanDerBeek) January 25, 2016
January 24
Leonardo DiCaprio always looks like he just witnessed you hold open a door for a senior citizen pic.twitter.com/fnGd81DT8l
— Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) January 24, 2016
I want the Panthers to win the super bowl just so Obama and Cam Newton can dab in the Rose Garden and cause a second civil war
— joe mande (@JoeMande) January 25, 2016
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