Mexico is leaving the EU, not scanning a QR code for your menu, what you gone do, a Rolling Stones interview, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

January 20

A lady ahead of me ordered fast food. The cashier said "That'll be $6.66." She said "Oh no. I don't like that total. Better throw in a corndog." This woman is an inspiration. She's out there fighting off the powers of Satan with a corndog as her weapon of choice.
— Megs (@the_meghaning) January 20, 2023

My wife is in a Facebook group called Buy Nothing where people list stuff they're giving away.

The other day, a lady came to our house to pick up two granola bars that we didn't like
— Matthew Levy (@MattLevy51) January 20, 2023

Sally Menke editing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) and then seven Tarantino films is a goat resume
— Jackson Boren (@JacksonBoren) January 20, 2023

not a single person in that skirmish made Steven Adams move an inch pic.twitter.com/WsgE2LCVd0
— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) January 21, 2023

Shannon Sharpe was ready to fight the entire city of Memphis in LeBron's defense. As a Bronsexual myself, i must say that was inspirational
— The Hood Therapist (@OhhMar24) January 21, 2023

I love ChatGPT pic.twitter.com/lWdIWaxAdA
— Corgi (@corg_e) January 20, 2023

what the hell is going on with linkedin bro pic.twitter.com/A3hWuNKiav
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) January 20, 2023

this was the fastest I've gotten blocked in my life pic.twitter.com/N7fw0CTkbx
— Hurt CoPain (@SaeedDiCaprio) January 21, 2023

I was at the grocery store and the woman in front of me complained loudly about the woman in front of her, whose SNAP/Cal food thing wasn't working, and then shot me a knowing look like I'd be on her team and I blurted out "No, YOU'RE the asshole". 8/10, highly recommend
— Lisa Braun Dubbels (@lisadubbels) January 21, 2023

Nobody but other people who have been 37 weeks pregnant with a toddler can understand how tired I am. Nobody else has never been tired, sorry. Just us.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) January 21, 2023

went on a first date tonight that lasted 7 minutes because the second question he asked me was how big my boobs were
— bailey moon (@Baileymoon15) January 20, 2023

incredible how the french have truly *perfected* the art of striking pic.twitter.com/xtk4qIY3gd
— juan (@juanbuis) January 20, 2023

Can't believe Mexico is leaving the EU. pic.twitter.com/4C8w46Ugdt
— No Context Brits (@NoContextBrits) January 20, 2023

Easy choice https://t.co/tpZ0ZdM0il pic.twitter.com/7yTx4kDLJQ
— Ben (@SpaceCowboy207) January 21, 2023

January 21

OUTER...SPACE https://t.co/0iNJCsUI2q pic.twitter.com/B3NXVAe2Bo
— Pabst Blue Musk (@owwmypeepeehurt) January 21, 2023

You couldn't make Blazing Saddles today. It's almost 2PM.
— Kwisatz Haterade @jimhenleymusic@wandering.shop (@JimHenleyMusic) January 21, 2023

Computer...show me content I hate from guys who suck
— Keep it down please (@InternetHippo) January 22, 2023

Mark deserves the Oscar, No one else has played this many roles in one movie. @TheAcademy pic.twitter.com/6N0SC1z534
— Creator of Ruined Deck of Cards 1 (@greggturkington) January 21, 2023

no joke I could make would improve on this headline pic.twitter.com/StErs62DfK
— Chris Mohney (@chrismohney) January 22, 2023

I am so tired of living like it's the 1600s. Can I afford eggs at the market? Are my friends gonna die in the plague? Puritans coming for my sinful lifestyle. I want some modern problems. Modern Problems
— Sigurd the Mighty (@MightySigurd) January 21, 2023

I don't have FOMO. I have FOBI. Fear of Being Involved.
— mike sacks (@michaelbsacks) January 21, 2023

 
January 22

Imagine it's Sunday morning. You've been allowed to sleep in as long as you want, and you have no chores or responsibilities all day. There's fresh fallen snow on the ground. Your mom makes Cinnamon rolls and serves you breakfast. But you're almost 3, so you are blind with rage.
— John Smillie (@JohnSmillie42) January 22, 2023

This is my uncle Don after getting the vaccine. Tragic pic.twitter.com/tWrlRKsz9l
— JustinTBrown (@JuuustinBrown) January 23, 2023

I touched my iPhone after getting the Pfizer vaccine and look what happened pic.twitter.com/1sNFDSzQ0F
— Yann (parody) (@yannhatchuel) January 22, 2023

Right after the Pfizer shot I became a lesbian who teaches CRT.
— Sarah Wood (@sarahwoodwriter) January 22, 2023

Is it just me or is the infrastructure for existing without a smartphone just slowly disappearing?
— Ilana Masad (@ilanaslightly) January 22, 2023

it appears someone's watch is brokenhttps://t.co/mOR4JxDqjr pic.twitter.com/y74drV9OBg
— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) January 23, 2023

Name this band pic.twitter.com/JxO8EYj3J2
— The Sopranos Guy™ (@uncle_june) January 22, 2023

Tech bros have invented the concept of "movies" https://t.co/MhRM28pgxV
— Lincoln Michel (@TheLincoln) January 22, 2023

 
January 23

Laughing very hard pic.twitter.com/eHD0sO5klF
— JayNico the Cimmerian (@JackdawJackal) January 24, 2023

MISSED CONNECTION. You talked very loudly in the back of the room during my set at the comedy store. It was a taping. You were the comedian after me. You should know better. Very disrespectful. This is a subtweet 💛
— JULIA HLADKOWICZ (@juliacomedy) January 23, 2023

sorry I'm not scanning a QR code for your menu im with the boomers on this
— bolton69420 (@bolton69420) January 23, 2023

https://t.co/F4ZFISc4qy pic.twitter.com/5mhbudlnkE
— Snow Dan: The Return (@StolenDans) January 23, 2023

if water worked, you wouldn't have to drink it 🤯 pic.twitter.com/psOCrsgOqk
— William LeGate (@williamlegate) January 23, 2023

Talked to a guy with a "God is Pro-Life" sign at the March for Life and asked about God being very Pro-Death in the Bible. pic.twitter.com/8rDY4NNlbs
— The Good Liars (@TheGoodLiars) January 23, 2023

White conservatives cannot cook. pic.twitter.com/n7aV3fdLR4
— P.B. Gomez (@NotoriousPBG) January 23, 2023

Working on a "rotisserie" theory of sleep, in which the body must rotate so as to be evenly slept on all sides.
— benjamin aldes wurgaft (@benwurgaft) January 23, 2023

January 24

Oh my fucking god pic.twitter.com/SVfbO6zjJo
— matty stratton, fashon mogul (@mattstratton) January 24, 2023

My boss took credit for something I did and then cried when I told her I didn't like that.
— Twerk-Bajir (@JoePGould) January 24, 2023

This was so beautiful. The perfect expression of the barren, windswept void at the heart of the whole thing. A grift without an ounce of style or even audacity. The kind of scam a calculator would invent. No two organisms have ever had worse chemistry than this. https://t.co/krUG8pTGbi
— branson 🦢 reese (@bransonreese) January 25, 2023

You talkin shit to somebody in the club and they pull this out what you gone do? pic.twitter.com/oiNilWxlYR
— Roy Wood Jr/ Snack Turner (@roywoodjr) January 24, 2023

pic.twitter.com/rahxytwHdY
— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) January 25, 2023

This is going to get awkward when it comes out Jimmy Carter has been leaving classified documents in all of the houses he builds for Habitat for Humanity.
— Olivier Knox (@OKnox) January 24, 2023

classified documents found in former VP Selina Meyer's home pic.twitter.com/Z4qCPtODt2
— Gabby Birenbaum (@birenbomb) January 24, 2023

We fixed the 7yo's label maker and I just found this on my desk pic.twitter.com/TudvotrWOj
— Kahnstantine (@KindBounce) January 25, 2023

pic.twitter.com/E6Ks6tyPy9
— Jason Blum (@jason_blum) January 25, 2023

Academy voters watching NOPE pic.twitter.com/CZeu21gnA1
— Vinnie Mancuso (@VinnieMancuso1) January 24, 2023

I wish we still did cool 80s shit like make Banshees of Inisherin into a cereal
— Dan Clyne (@danCLYNE) January 25, 2023

January 25

We need to bring back that thing where a rap song summarizes the movie's plot over the end credits but only for awards-bait films.
— 🎃Ghost Maggie 🎃 (@maggieserota) January 25, 2023

Im just startin to realize how funny the grandad from the Simpsons is
— Wiz Khalifa (@wizkhalifa) January 25, 2023

With TTC staff literally under attack, you can't blame operators for making sure passengers know it's John Tory's fault transit service is so bad. pic.twitter.com/8w9YfyjbiI
— Adam Chaleff (@AdamCF) January 26, 2023

https://t.co/9DaH6rcCwB pic.twitter.com/4fRdfwqIoW
— Evy Kwong (@EVYSTADIUM) January 25, 2023

Ok, maybe I need to stop "skipping to recipe." pic.twitter.com/iBqugmbBfX
— Jason Mustian (@jasonmustian) January 25, 2023

noticing a trend where people even on the left are saying justin roiland or andrew tate or whoever the guy of the week is was "cancelled" when what they actually mean is that they were arrested. for sex crimes. they weren't cancelled. they went to jail. those are not the same!
— jenny_tightpants🪑 (@halomancer1) January 25, 2023

What level of hating is this lol pic.twitter.com/kovfI4C87i
— Lance🇱🇨 (@BornAKang) January 25, 2023

Mission impossible.. 😂 pic.twitter.com/OtDWEIlmBA
— Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden) January 25, 2023

Savage 🤣💀 pic.twitter.com/aVKGZg6yM6
— Wu-Tang is for the Children (@WUTangKids) January 25, 2023

pic.twitter.com/NMYBgNez6x
— High Yield Harry (@HighyieldHarry) January 25, 2023

January 26

Was it just Mick Jagger or did the whole band want an interview? pic.twitter.com/9oBT7rryQX
— Jason Selvig (@jasonselvig) January 27, 2023

Truly had no idea The Last of Us was about mushroom people. And a guy with a mustache is trying to save a little lady from them? Is this elevated Mario
— Brandon Streussnig (@BrndnStrssng) January 26, 2023

that's crazy!! whose chair was it and how did he get in there btw https://t.co/8IpC1oGqw5
— cait (@punished_cait) January 26, 2023

I'm never "shocked" when a celebrity shows up randomly on SNL. Big whoop. They're a celebrity. That's literally what celebrities do. I was shocked when my neighbor Greg showed up randomly on Dateline b/c we're friends and I didn't know he was trafficking weapons illegally online.
— Dan White (@atdanwhite) January 26, 2023

never misses pic.twitter.com/3Vp1Dyihjs
— Alan White (@aljwhite) January 26, 2023

The Onion continues to not miss pic.twitter.com/DVrdJvG41i
— Read Jackson Rising by @CooperationJXN (@JoshuaPHilll) January 26, 2023

recently found out white people call their cousin's kids their "second cousin once removed" ??? fuck outta here, that is my niece
— abby govindan (@abbygov) January 26, 2023

George Santos needs a new campaign treasurer. He tried to hire Richard Datwyler, but Datwyler rejected him.

So Santos filed his campaign finance report under Datwyler's name anyway — and signed his name.

This all happened THIS WEEK — Santos is still lying, criminally.
— Tristan Snell (@TristanSnell) January 26, 2023

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: January 27, 2023

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