I wanna go here so bad, cheerleading for the sad, Andrew Garfield's a flirty lad, gas stoves drive folks mad, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

January 6

Girl, if he'd rather ask a country to change their long-held laws... https://t.co/bvvLbQiZyt
— Bassey Ikpi (@Basseyworld) January 6, 2023

https://t.co/upEMjE1jhL pic.twitter.com/Ei0kxlAijm
— Kit Kat ||commissions open|| (@kittischmitti) January 7, 2023

I'm leaving Twitter for a while. It's not connected to Elon or all the trash on this site now, I just got tickets to Avatar and I'm not sure when I'll be out.
— Ethan Embry (@EmbryEthan) January 7, 2023

I have No Idea who created this meme, but thank you for making it. pic.twitter.com/p6acD1HfoJ
— J.D. (@jdwitherspoon) January 7, 2023

a religious person wants to skip out on going to church? call that a pic.twitter.com/Xfx2HUPanV
— 𝕷𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖔𝖋 𝕸𝖎𝖘𝖗𝖚𝖑𝖊 (@valkalrie) January 6, 2023

https://t.co/5frOVboLFe pic.twitter.com/QuiPucjPbx
— socialist sopranos memes (@gabagoolmarx) January 7, 2023

easy https://t.co/D3NMoT9w5V pic.twitter.com/dqF9wUChHF
— worst guy you know (@wellbutrincel) January 6, 2023

this might be the hardest I ever laughed in a movie theater pic.twitter.com/YNhpXC354j
— 🟡 The tumboy 🟡 (@TheTumboy) January 6, 2023

MCCARTHY: "My dad always said — It's not how you start it's how you finish."

DANA BASH ON A HOT MIC: "Oh for Christ's sake." 😂 🎯 pic.twitter.com/iTAQdPkoQI
— The Tennessee Holler (@TheTNHoller) January 7, 2023

His neck was done even if he cleared… pic.twitter.com/fGNkg1erSk
— Dop3 🔞 (@everythng_dop3) January 6, 2023

pic.twitter.com/sRResZ1Bc3
— fucked up looking food (@fuckedupfoods) January 6, 2023

My whole life was a lie. pic.twitter.com/En4MIBv2ab
— No Context Brits (@NoContextBrits) January 6, 2023

This man thought ANTIFA was behind the January 6th attack. I asked him a simple follow-up question… pic.twitter.com/Ky0hapuSuR
— Jason Selvig (@jasonselvig) January 6, 2023

Oh my god, what a lede! pic.twitter.com/5Eaqx08j8W
— Ben Collins (@oneunderscore__) January 7, 2023

Still remains the gold-standard reminder of a comma's importance pic.twitter.com/KIlpthvMs7
— Jeff Pearlman (@jeffpearlman) January 6, 2023

Bruh this the only video on the internet I gotta know the backstory to cause what tf was buddy on 😭😭😭 https://t.co/abi4dsqEs0
— Deante' Hitchcock (@DeanteVH) January 6, 2023

 
January 7

Imagine pressing the white button. Imagine being that fearless. pic.twitter.com/1UhkEewB18
— Dinosaur Dracula 🦖🧛‍♂️ (@DinosaurDracula) January 8, 2023

when you accidentally pressed " 😭😭😜😭😭 pic.twitter.com/Gy7ngR6vFE
— OFF (@mickeywon234) January 7, 2023

being an auntie is so fun I just make shit up. I told my niece I have t-mobile and t-mobile don't got the right satellites to play jojo siwa music
— alex (@turntineforwhat) January 8, 2023

My brother got an android and I'm fed up fr pic.twitter.com/P6zfGWmDE3
— THUG HEFFERNAN (@SNOOPSONTAUALA) January 7, 2023

this was the funniest interaction I've ever had pic.twitter.com/tWaeqeNDwh
— Hurt CoPain (@SaeedDiCaprio) January 8, 2023

Nah apple dead got a class on how to use ya iPhone for old people 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/iqvxDukl1J
— solé (@layxsnv) January 7, 2023

I love on Inside the NBA when Charles is fighting with Ernie or Kenny and then Shaq says something you would hear from a Twin Peaks character pic.twitter.com/0r5hRmEFjo
— Ben Crew (@BenjaminCrew1) January 7, 2023

he wants me to throw This pic.twitter.com/Sacv0xC01g
— molly taft (@mollytaft) January 7, 2023

cat ownership is hearing a single soft *clink* from across the house and yelling GET AWAY FROM THE BUTTER
— they/themily (@e_davishale) January 7, 2023

Decided to stay in a Holiday Inn instead of an Airbnb for an overnight trip and strongly feel, one hour after check-in, that there has never been a more luxurious experience in all of human history
— Jeremy Gordon (@jeremypgordon) January 7, 2023

Every year, Putting Away the Christmas Decorations Ken makes a series of decisions designed to infuriate Unpacking the Christmas Decorations Ken the following year. It's a magical holiday tradition.
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) January 7, 2023

british people are right. what IS all this then?
— zach silberberg (@zachsilberberg) January 7, 2023

 
January 8

bro i am WHEEZING pic.twitter.com/pYOCDKqnFa
— 𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘰𝘭𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘣𝘴 🏳️‍⚧️ (@cooIboobs) January 8, 2023

Skrillex look like Kit Harrington going as Drake for Halloween lmao https://t.co/dHeMCacUOI
— glocky molo 🥑🔫 (@rickybellspdx) January 8, 2023

Ziggy Marley slid https://t.co/1lWZaa7mQ5 pic.twitter.com/6WPagd3QU2
— DISRUPTOR. (@yamuva_) January 9, 2023

has that 6 year old kid who shot his teacher been invited to speak at CPAC yet
— Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich) January 8, 2023

ESPN used Jimmy Butler's NBA 2K picture, because they're tired of using his troll picture he took at the beginning of the season. 😂 pic.twitter.com/OoT1OB6mjg
— SAY CHEESE! 👄🧀 (@SaycheeseDGTL) January 8, 2023

WTF IS THIS? pic.twitter.com/bltRBwgwRd
— Conner O'Malley (@conner_omalley) January 9, 2023

5 minute crafts is officially a fetish account now https://t.co/QhpBENoibi
— personal panic pizza (@fuckeduppizzas) January 8, 2023

Put on breaking bad to show the parents. Forgot skyler jerks off walter for 3 minutes straight
— Chris (@OneyNG) January 8, 2023

fuck pic.twitter.com/Uc4Ezwn91T
— Johan Lenox (@johanlenox) January 8, 2023

I had no idea you could just arrest people committing a coup on the same day as the coup. https://t.co/pivgwDMsRp
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) January 8, 2023

My mom's 60-something friend was set up with a 67-year-old guy who is "not looking for anything serious" in case you think that ever ends
— Sara K. Runnels (@omgskr) January 8, 2023

"minimum wage is for teens working their first job"

oh cool okay so then why is mcdonald's open during school hours
— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) January 8, 2023

 
January 9

look at his face he can't even believe it https://t.co/y6GBh4LapL
— juju 💰 (@ayeejuju) January 10, 2023

cheerleaders should start doing sad/interpretive dance when their team is losing
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) January 10, 2023

they definitely don't. anyways, we already had the definitive beatles portrayal in film https://t.co/cQrTaYWTyA pic.twitter.com/SRZwO5fzZ4
— Extruded Plastic Dingus Facts (@TheDouggernaut) January 9, 2023

omgggg i use to steal all of your books i am so honored https://t.co/udElgqhCgw
— i am reading all that (@LilNasX) January 9, 2023

We went from "golden age of prestige tv" to "please stream my show the first weekend or I might not get a season 2" to "every season of this television show has been wiped from existence for all eternity for tax purposes."
— Gabriel Diani (he/him) (@GabeDiani) January 9, 2023

Marjorie Taylor Greene has been locked out of her Twitter account and her new video has been removed after Dr. Dre took legal action against her for using his music without permission.

His letter is amazing. pic.twitter.com/Vk12JSRByK
— No Lie with Brian Tyler Cohen (@NoLieWithBTC) January 9, 2023

#ONpoli

That's it. I'm done.

This the Michael Ford clip to end all clips.

Simply the best.

I'm dead.

☠️☠️☠️🤣🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/YwiWlfkSEi
— T.O. Resident (@TO_Resident) January 10, 2023

When you're Godzilla every city is a walkable city
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) January 9, 2023

bolsonaro eating kfc for the first time then immediately being rushed to the hospital is more evidence for my theory that the american gut biome is uniquely strong and the primary tool we have to maintain our dominance as a world superpower into the 21st century
— lauren (@NotABigJerk) January 9, 2023

I wanna go here so bad pic.twitter.com/hYxWn8uHkQ
— the big homie (@softbalIs) January 9, 2023

 
January 10

Set a goal, crushed it 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼 pic.twitter.com/9LiLAHnPgf
— Gabe Rosenberg (@Gaber205) January 10, 2023

sucks to suck pic.twitter.com/LBT1gRhEN3
— Miss Genderr (@girldrawsghosts) January 10, 2023

I don't really follow the royals, but I don't understand why the media goes so hard after Harry and Meghan when there's an ENTIRE PRINCE ANDREW standing RIGHT THERE. WTF??
— Mueller, She Wrote (@MuellerSheWrote) January 10, 2023

texted "i love you" to my mom and she said "we will see"
— sarah hagi (@KindaHagi) January 10, 2023

Which wine pairs best with finding out my in-laws are staying a day longer than I thought??
— mariana Z (@mariana057) January 10, 2023

Last weekend my kids asked me what it was like growing up in the '80s. So, I took their phones and tablets off them, locked them outside and told them not to come back till the street lamps came on 😂
— I❤️Nostalgia (@il0venostalgia) January 10, 2023

Just heard someone turn down after-work plans because they have an avocado at home that's about to go bad
— Max Lockie (@staphwriter) January 10, 2023

I know I just sold out a theatre to perform comedy (standing room tix will be released soon) but I'm taking this opportunity to announce that I'm a poet now
— Chris Locke (@chrislockeworld) January 10, 2023

At the loblaws self checkout I cried out "I hate this place!" and "We're living in hell!" and not even one person looked at me like i was weird
— Jackie Pirico (@JackiePirico) January 10, 2023

you know what, credit where credit is due, few authors take 'tell-all memoir' so literally https://t.co/5tSRlwdDmT
— rax 'leads with her crotch' king (@RaxKingIsDead) January 10, 2023

Did you know that ongoing exposure to NO2 from gas stoves is linked to reduced cognitive performance https://t.co/1bjmHqnHVa
— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) January 11, 2023

January 11

im just a girl, standing in front of a streetcar asking why it takes an hour to get 5 km across the city
— Evy Kwong (@EVYSTADIUM) January 11, 2023

I can play 35 mins in an NBA game and be good but I'll always be out of breath going up steps
— Josh Hart (@joshhart) January 12, 2023

If you could use a laugh today.
Absolute perfection.
Please wait for all of it…pic.twitter.com/S2pu6deUz6
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) January 11, 2023

it's good that frank zappa rallied against censorship but his lyrics make strong case for it
— Jokermen (@JokermenPodcast) January 11, 2023

Little helper.. pic.twitter.com/1l9BcfPGKl
— Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden) January 11, 2023

Found out tonight that my son thought there was an item on the McDonalds menu called Phillip the Fish
— Ben Davis (@bendavis_86) January 11, 2023

Bud's reaction to drinking Dasani water lmaooo. That water should be illegal pic.twitter.com/6rs1mZdDiM
— Grayson Allen Enjoyer (@GoatedGrayson) January 12, 2023

bands are always like "big things brewing 👀" and it's always just songs or something. that's not big things, that's what you did last time.
— keegan (@FranziaMom) January 11, 2023

My appliances have names like 80s reggae stars. pic.twitter.com/AvHDuDJGzY
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) January 11, 2023

This guy at my gym has the biggest pecs I've ever seen, and today I overheard him ask Siri what 4 times 12 was. The perfect man.
— andy (@andyrockcandy) January 11, 2023

Since the subject is back in the news I am thinking of this great moment in interviews pic.twitter.com/JaKbAaCRyP
— Valondar (@VK_HM) January 12, 2023

George's wallet. https://t.co/4kgKDHmzED
— Mark Hamill (@MarkHamill) January 11, 2023

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast
— TIM BLAIR (@TlMBLAlR) January 11, 2023

January 12

We passed it a couple days ago, but it has been 10 years since "On Fire", the strip I did that became the meme "this is fine". https://t.co/AxZxDYkICs pic.twitter.com/STFYX4XS9B
— kcg (@kcgreenn) January 12, 2023

Giving yourself carbon monoxide poisoning to own the libs pic.twitter.com/j0OjUPspAc
— Ken Klippenstein #SilencedForTruth (@kenklippenstein) January 12, 2023

To own the libs, I turned on all the burners on my gas stove without igniting them. They've been running for the past three hours.
— New York Times Pitchbot (@DougJBalloon) January 12, 2023

Probably gonna work itself out. pic.twitter.com/CoFV8CcOdG
— Nathan (@Humanstein) January 12, 2023

Hey libs, I just turned on all of my gas stoves (5) and didn't even light them, hope you're not too triggered! Feeling really sleepy so might take a quick nap, but just so we're clear, you'll have to pry them from my cold
— Cody Johnston (@drmistercody) January 12, 2023

I simply do not have the energy to be a republican can you imagine being like what do we have to give a fuck about now? gas stoves???????
— gianmarco (@GianmarcoSoresi) January 12, 2023

Three days with an electric stove and you'll be begging for that asthma
— McKeever (@JohnnyMcKeever) January 12, 2023

really the best summary of the current GOP is that matt gaetz defended george santos while guest hosting steve bannon's radio show because bannon was in court
— andy™ (@andylevy) January 12, 2023

this is suuuuuuch an accurate representation of English flirting which is hardly ever captured in film https://t.co/AqZRfjYZKG
— Louis Staples (@LouisStaples) January 12, 2023

I guess if you have enough PC Optimum points you can get your cancer surgery. pic.twitter.com/mev3yppPAV
— Alex Wood (@woodcomedy) January 12, 2023

(most disappointed I've ever been in my life) no worries!
— 🏴‍☠️ (@cursedkief) January 12, 2023

Work email I sent: "Perfect, thanks!"

Me sending the email: pic.twitter.com/aUbQYm1HMH
— Sopranos World (@SopranosWorld) January 12, 2023

Please 🫶🏽 https://t.co/f2OVrhWqm2 pic.twitter.com/v0UuD310Op
— Zara Rahim (@ZaraRahim) January 11, 2023

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: January 13, 2023

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