Need to find this shirt, marijuana alert, why does my back hurt, loving a pop-punk squirt, and much more from this week in funny tweets.<br>
<br>
<strong>February 18</strong><br>
&nbsp;
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">"I remember you telling me that! And then [story details], right?"<br>
★★★★★<br>
<br>
"You told me this story already."<br>
★☆☆☆☆</p>
— Dani Donovan 👩🏻‍🎨 ADHD Comics (@danidonovan) <a href="https://twitter.com/danidonovan/status/1494869037138038785?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 19, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">i never should have gone back to school <a href="https://t.co/YWIEZUWWgE">pic.twitter.com/YWIEZUWWgE</a></p>
— phil (@PhilJamesson) <a href="https://twitter.com/PhilJamesson/status/1494724904129859588?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 18, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">me: why does my back hurt a little<br>
<br>
webmd: fuck dude what? your back??<br>
<br>
me: yeah why<br>
<br>
webmd: fuck man oh my god</p>
— shen the bird (@Shen_the_Bird) <a href="https://twitter.com/Shen_the_Bird/status/1494854441811460101?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 19, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">We used to pay real money for ringtones and now if my phone makes a noise it ruins my day</p>
— Jeff Computers (@JeffMyspace) <a href="https://twitter.com/JeffMyspace/status/1494750985692098565?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 18, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I love ur loud car u seem super sane</p>
— Blair Socci SEATTLE FEB 24 (@blairsocci) <a href="https://twitter.com/blairsocci/status/1494889997702295552?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 19, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<strong>February 19</strong><br>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/ChpuBQu0Eo">pic.twitter.com/ChpuBQu0Eo</a></p>
— composite character (@jacksonbunz) <a href="https://twitter.com/jacksonbunz/status/1495069736266354689?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 19, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">girls please stop wearing Harley Davidson shirts if you don't listen to his music</p>
— 𝓥𝓮𝓻𝓸𝓷𝓲𝓬𝓪 (@friedurethra) <a href="https://twitter.com/friedurethra/status/1495077630688825344?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 19, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">new york times: in canada the internet and death do not exist. prime minister stanley cup works out of a wine rack in schitt's creek. every c-day neil young hands out free weed in the town square (there is only one)</p>
— Jill Krajewski (@JillKrajewski) <a href="https://twitter.com/JillKrajewski/status/1495078657597054984?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 19, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">NYT reporting that the police in canada are using dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you on protestors</p>
— gloryhole lifeguard (@phtevens) <a href="https://twitter.com/phtevens/status/1495113668022915073?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 19, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I :) was :) searching people :) on visible mode :) on :) LinkedIn :) this :) entire :) time :)</p>
— Lizzie (@LizcCol) <a href="https://twitter.com/LizcCol/status/1495110908758138881?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 19, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">hey man sorry i didn't text you back for four months. i only look at my phone 23 hours a day</p>
— ben "darth normal" flores (@limitlessjest) <a href="https://twitter.com/limitlessjest/status/1495231987916804098?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 20, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">gentlemen, hear me out <a href="https://t.co/mthjIs5OvF">pic.twitter.com/mthjIs5OvF</a></p>
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) <a href="https://twitter.com/Browtweaten/status/1495124387833516033?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 19, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">batman: what?<br>
<br>
riddler: i said, you have 6 chances to guess this 5-letter word or the city gets it</p>
— the hype (@TheHyyyype) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheHyyyype/status/1495136300638351361?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 19, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I really can't stress enough that lifting mask mandates will not have the same impact as traveling back in time to 2019.</p>
— Brianne Benness (@bennessb) <a href="https://twitter.com/bennessb/status/1495012537397567490?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 19, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">DOCTORS: We should keep masking<br>
<br>
SCIENTISTS: We should keep masking<br>
<br>
GOVERNMENT: We should keep-<br>
<br>
CORPORATIONS: [wiggling eyebrows]<br>
<br>
GOVERNMENT: [twirling hair &amp; blushing] We should end mask mandates</p>
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) <a href="https://twitter.com/roxiqt/status/1495161549727674376?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 19, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<strong>February 20</strong><br>
&nbsp;
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">It shows just how infectious the Omicron variant is that the Queen still caught it despite taking every precaution possible, including dying six months ago</p>
— pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) <a href="https://twitter.com/pixelatedboat/status/1495377711405015046?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 20, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">legally as a 30-year-old I should not have to have dreams in or about high school</p>
— danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber) <a href="https://twitter.com/danielleweisber/status/1495455678608994304?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 20, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">"Inventing Anna" sounds like the name of a Ben Folds Five song from 1998 that high school theater kids would sing in the car on the way to a diner.</p>
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) <a href="https://twitter.com/joshgondelman/status/1495542402819448833?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 20, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Five year old nephew announced: "real shame about 9/11"</p>
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) <a href="https://twitter.com/BrotiGupta/status/1495302498206109696?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 20, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Congrats u survived pandemic so your reward is World War III</p>
— Gabe Hudson (@gabehudson) <a href="https://twitter.com/gabehudson/status/1495926307896676356?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 22, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">my grief counselor died today but she was so good at her job i don't even give a shit</p>
— dr. alien skier (@clichedout) <a href="https://twitter.com/clichedout/status/1496006503194836995?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 22, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">gonna start tweeting about family guy like euphoria<br>
<br>
"Not Peter farting on Meg 😭😂"</p>
— tommy bayer (@TommmyBear) <a href="https://twitter.com/TommmyBear/status/1495887112654270471?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 21, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">True! <a href="https://t.co/nMlXvh35zR">https://t.co/nMlXvh35zR</a> <a href="https://t.co/1KQziGvd9e">pic.twitter.com/1KQziGvd9e</a></p>
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) <a href="https://twitter.com/mbalazo/status/1495813674853875720?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 21, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I like Dua Lipa because all of her songs give me little instructions</p>
— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) <a href="https://twitter.com/samlymatters/status/1495824912786800642?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 21, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">need to find this shirt immediately <a href="https://t.co/BhL2l5wwXG">pic.twitter.com/BhL2l5wwXG</a></p>
— jim jelly (@jamesjmnz) <a href="https://twitter.com/jamesjmnz/status/1495934331612717057?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 22, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<strong>February 22</strong><br>
&nbsp;
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">If my chihuahua barks at you don't say anything. You need to listen</p>
— Perfume Genius (@perfumegenius) <a href="https://twitter.com/perfumegenius/status/1496342760626036740?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 23, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Dinner is like a grittier more realistic take on lunch</p>
— matt (@mattybtweets69) <a href="https://twitter.com/mattybtweets69/status/1496291391432966145?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 23, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Wes Anderson rules because every time he announces a movie people go "ugh, is this one going to be wes anderson-y?" and he responds with "motherfucker, this is going to be the most wes anderson-y shit you've ever seen".</p>
— Boner Vivant (@Doug_Tilley) <a href="https://twitter.com/Doug_Tilley/status/1496250040695889926?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 22, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">tiny pop-punk dudes and their giant wives <a href="https://t.co/VTbwDSu5ht">pic.twitter.com/VTbwDSu5ht</a></p>
— michelle hanley (@piscesgurl69) <a href="https://twitter.com/piscesgurl69/status/1496173081123254272?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 22, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">i respect that fantasy as a genre has simply refused to standardize the spelling of "fairy." faerie. fae. fay. fair folk. fayrie. just an F followed by whatever vowels you have in your heart</p>
— Alix E. Harrow (@AlixEHarrow) <a href="https://twitter.com/AlixEHarrow/status/1496144037048459264?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 22, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">For the first time in my multi-year career I have received a paper from a student that consisted of one sentence. The sentence is: I do not care for this assignment and am abstaining.</p>
— Dr of All Things Unimportant (@Volsicle) <a href="https://twitter.com/Volsicle/status/1496310774083596288?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 23, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Imagine playing truth or dare at a party and they dare you to go home</p>
— ℳ ❧ (@breezybbae) <a href="https://twitter.com/breezybbae/status/1496252307918438407?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 22, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">my bank blocked my card because of a security threat. it was me, buying a mattress, at 2 am. i am my own biggest threat</p>
— ꧁Madimoiselle꧂ (@drivingmemadi) <a href="https://twitter.com/drivingmemadi/status/1496029256182386691?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 22, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Before we amplify Tucker Carlson's thoughts about Russia, let's just remember that like ten days ago he was publicly very angry about an M&amp;M's shoes.</p>
— Dave Holmes (@DaveHolmes) <a href="https://twitter.com/DaveHolmes/status/1496309798635282434?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 23, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<strong>February 23</strong><br>
&nbsp;
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/7CeKZs7bvn">pic.twitter.com/7CeKZs7bvn</a></p>
— 80s News Screens (@80snewsscreens) <a href="https://twitter.com/80snewsscreens/status/1496661694617169923?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 24, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I'm crying im so happy for them <a href="https://t.co/FdH9dAEhjI">pic.twitter.com/FdH9dAEhjI</a></p>
— Mickey 🔑 (@mmiicckkkeeyyy) <a href="https://twitter.com/mmiicckkkeeyyy/status/1496478591185567752?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 23, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">before my son got glasses we were at some thing where a guy was speaking and my son asked if it was normal that the guy speaking looked blurry and i said "yes that guy is just a blurry guy"</p>
— slick (@dlicj) <a href="https://twitter.com/dlicj/status/1496575430425395200?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 23, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Stop calling meetings so you can simply organize your own thoughts with witnesses.</p>
— Amber Naslund (@AmberCadabra) <a href="https://twitter.com/AmberCadabra/status/1496504515125776393?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 23, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">getting v. tired of living inside an interesting part of next century's history textbooks</p>
— Rob DenBleyker (@RobDenBleyker) <a href="https://twitter.com/RobDenBleyker/status/1496699136028164098?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 24, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<strong>February 24</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">fyi paul <a href="https://t.co/9RtlNGJt21">pic.twitter.com/9RtlNGJt21</a></p>
— Alex Shephard (@alex_shephard) <a href="https://twitter.com/alex_shephard/status/1496884774333730818?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 24, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Sounds like someone found out about the 80K or so Ukrainians who live in Ohio. <a href="https://t.co/Oe1v9gztSf">https://t.co/Oe1v9gztSf</a></p>
— Jackie Kucinich (@JFKucinich) <a href="https://twitter.com/JFKucinich/status/1496967178733690884?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 24, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Tweeting how many seconds you were able to make it into this could be the new Wordle score posting? <a href="https://t.co/rCD4RFl4F1">https://t.co/rCD4RFl4F1</a></p>
— Caissie (@Caissie) <a href="https://twitter.com/Caissie/status/1496955592161718281?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 24, 2022</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I keep seeing a white woman on here do a slam poem about how Putin just needed to be breastfed so I think it's time to take a break</p>
— Vinny Thomas (@vinn_ayy) <a href="https://twitter.com/vinn_ayy/status/1496930391814377477?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 24, 2022</a></blockquote>
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Vish Khanna

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: February 25, 2022

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