January 26
— Rev-rat (@rev_rat) January 26, 2019
if Al Gore didn't invent the internet why are algorithms named after him huh
— Chaos (@chaosprime) January 26, 2019
The box is fucking transparent Olivia. https://t.co/hQSMMeRPpQ
— Palle's Sense of Snow (@Palle_Hoffstein) January 26, 2019
This kid is 4 years old.... 🤦🏾♂️ even the band had to stop and let him flex. He's @babyboydrummer on instagram. 💪🏾 pic.twitter.com/xmmBVphhmm
— LeauxFi (@LeauxFi) January 26, 2019
Stop trying to fuck that spider, dude https://t.co/s1uXgthq0w
— Emily Heller (@MrEmilyHeller) January 26, 2019
January 27
Social Media has created little fake worlds in peoples minds
— Chuck D (@MrChuckD) January 27, 2019
optimus prime: [doing standup] i just flew in from new york and boy are my arms tires
— your new dad (@drankturpentine) January 27, 2019
I'm at Sephora and the makeup artist asked this woman if she was allergic to anything and she said "shrimp"
— Sam Reece (@SamanthaaaReece) January 27, 2019
me: aren't you going to ask if i'm sexually active
— rob, average internet user (@robfromonline) January 27, 2019
doctor: i don't really need to
me: wait why
doctor:
me:
doctor: look i heard you say 'okie dokie' to the receptionist i already know you aren't
January 28
I didn't know who Howard Schultz was so I looked him up on Wikipedia. Interesting guy. pic.twitter.com/FOqnrBfwEl
— pixelated boat (@pixelatedboat) January 28, 2019
How the fuck could you sleep through someone coming into your bedroom and putting a horse head under the covers with you???
— Steve Agee (@steveagee) January 28, 2019
the easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car
— M@thew (@TweetPotato314) January 28, 2019
I feel bad for kids nowadays, they just get to see if school is closed on the Internet. They'll never have the excitement of waiting to see your school scroll across the bottom of the tv screen like it's the NFL Draft.
— Dubs (@MikeDubsRadio) January 28, 2019
Trump, six, flip, cuckoo, Huckabee, Mueller... 💋 pic.twitter.com/Z0KYoCS9vE
— Randy Rainbow (@RandyRainbow) January 28, 2019
January 29
This is why you don't mess with sheep. pic.twitter.com/n57HrBJQ7e
— laney (@misslaneym) January 30, 2019
Wife: I just want a honest opinion of my outfit
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) January 29, 2019
Me *signing her up to a rap battle* and you'll get one
My audition to play "Coach who turns it all around" pic.twitter.com/HNpg6gsUCc
— Chris Calogero (@RealChrisCal) January 29, 2019
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) January 29, 2019
Me: Because you like me
Cop: omg shut up I do not
Why doesn't Trump just say the wall is built? His base willfully believes other easily provable lies: climate change is fake, Isis in Syria is defeated, North Korea is no longer a threat... He should just say, "The wall is done!" and go play golf.
— Dana Gould (@danagould) January 29, 2019
January 30
antivaxxers on here defending themselves like "if my child dies that's my opinion"
— jaboukie (@jaboukie) January 30, 2019
If smoking marijuana causes short-term memory loss, what does smoking marijuana do?
— David Crosby (@thedavidcrosby) January 31, 2019
Hi I'm Alexander Graham Bell. Most of you know me as the inventor of the telephone, but did you know I also invented talking about mental illness precisely once a year? Please buy my products and visit my grave thank you.
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) January 30, 2019
January 31
WOW @Eminem goes SO fucking hard. Rare footage I just dug up from him in the cypher. Once again proving he is the GOAT! #eminem pic.twitter.com/TTlEo9zrUX
— Chris D'Elia (@chrisdelia) January 31, 2019
Buzzfeed monetized several hundred quizzes created by this teenager. Her quizzes helped generate $300 million in revenue last year. All she got was a gift card. https://t.co/1Y0DoW3Kp8
— Aiesha Letman (@aieshaarab) January 31, 2019
this might be the best offensive possession of the year pic.twitter.com/87MlKSH7d3
— Kyrie Wobving (@WorldWideWob) February 1, 2019
don jr thinks the "N" in SNL stands for "and" pic.twitter.com/KzkL6clQdC
— Matt Binder (@MattBinder) January 31, 2019
Best part of S&L is Week & Update.
— James Urbaniak (@JamesUrbaniak) January 31, 2019
February 1
What is he prepared to do about it https://t.co/vBfgmwmRaA
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) February 1, 2019
Seems to be going well so far pic.twitter.com/cSqff2PVT6
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) February 1, 2019
