2023, explain this sign for me, Dear Baby, bday boy drunk already, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

December 23

grinch: I'm so glad we changed and became nice

scrooge: and now our names will only be used positively in the future :)
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) December 23, 2022

People are fed up! pic.twitter.com/3yr3Tvw8ga
— Jaz🛡️🌐🔗 (@Jazzie654) December 24, 2022

decided this is my last year being mentally ill. starting jan 1st i'm gonna be normal
— Chilliam Fancyson (@Keefler_Elf) December 24, 2022

pic.twitter.com/e10zqX6eCZ
— yasmin (@ycsm1n) December 24, 2022

Advertisers love when you can see that the ratio of eyeballs to people actually engaging with a product is like 40:1
— Zack Budryk (@BudrykZack) December 23, 2022

The pile of laundry on my floor garnered 1,567 views but no engagements.
— Hend Amry (@LibyaLiberty) December 23, 2022

Get rid of the view count feature @elonmusk or I will pick up the pencil again pic.twitter.com/YdBwpnuhrb
— Ana Mostarac (@anammostarac) December 24, 2022

Looks like weapons prospered. https://t.co/1a445pwE9D pic.twitter.com/0ZIebzNPwl
— THIQUE (@ScottieBeam) December 23, 2022

Also Drake will forever be a weirdo for that line
— David Dennis Jr. (@DavidDTSS) December 24, 2022

Played Cards Against Humanity with the family. My sister-in-law picked this card and gasped. She didn't choose my answer as the funniest and I lost to my brother-in-law. pic.twitter.com/tp4C8Py9zU
— M. Night Shyamalan ⌛ (@MNightShyamalan) December 24, 2022

Netflix spending half a billion on the KNIVES OUT sequel, refusing to give it a wide theatrical release despite immediate and proven success in that form, and then barely promoting the movie once it's finally actually out on Netflix is the most on-brand thing in the world.
— Brendan Foley (@TheTrueBrendanF) December 23, 2022

This brother was locked in https://t.co/PdrcNieXc8 pic.twitter.com/VEZeqyhhJX
— Ahmed/The Ears/Not A Lakers Fan 🇸🇴 (@big_business_) December 23, 2022

Wishing everyone a blessed holiday season! pic.twitter.com/h1XVQfCTlE
— Ethan Klein (@h3h3productions) December 23, 2022

My mother's over and just announced that she brought her own salt shaker because she "can't stand" mine, happy holidays!
— Jewel Staite (@JewelStaite) December 23, 2022

Best Seasons Greeting card to receive pic.twitter.com/Rm7NLEYNkH
— Help! I'm in Hell! (@TokyoDilf) December 24, 2022

 
December 24

Shopping for a guy is hard, what do y'all like besides other bitches pictures
— Nッ (@Noorthevirgo) December 25, 2022

Last minute gift idea: pic.twitter.com/tC2dGfVSd4
— Jocelyn Plums (@ColoradoUgly) December 25, 2022

damn bday boy drunk already pic.twitter.com/g5adSdBTJr
— Le 🫶🏽 (@fairlecunty) December 25, 2022

This might be a controversial opinion, especially at Christmastime, but they should add a second god to Christianity to spice things up
— pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) December 25, 2022

can't make this up pic.twitter.com/j9AztWbEZI
— Killjoy McCoy (@letsgoayo) December 25, 2022

Name a better Navidad than feliz. Go ahead I'll wait.
— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) December 25, 2022

Stop being racist that's why God keep putting yo kids ears on wrong https://t.co/kN9LTPoICS
— Art Person (@ARTBYVENUS) December 24, 2022

pic.twitter.com/NCIocba332
— Conservative Self-Owns (@ConSelfOwns) December 25, 2022

how old were u when u found out that the irish potato famine wasn't a famine at all and it was just the british stealing all their food
— booty noodles (@bigsnugga) December 24, 2022

He's not playing 4D chess. He just doesn't know what he's doing. And he's just gonna keep floundering until the bank take this site away from him.https://t.co/7xMdUuRO47 pic.twitter.com/oMkYpOO5gR
— Ryan Broderick (@broderick) December 24, 2022

[dog reading this] oh okay pic.twitter.com/6rawDsdhAs
— Tiger Webb (@tfswebb) December 25, 2022

 
December 25

My mom: I know how much you love Snoopy so I had to get you this pic.twitter.com/oLMCvNAvaG
— 7/11 Truther (@DaveMcNamee3000) December 26, 2022

My mom made us homemade gift-cards w/ actual money.. i think this is so cute and creative😍 pic.twitter.com/sjounPKG4K
— JaeHydeia (@JaeHydeia) December 25, 2022

quote from my dad this evening while discussing architecture: "The World Trade Center was horrible. The way it was torn down was not appropriate but it needed to go."
— walking mirage (@atomicthumbs) December 26, 2022

Humbled to be included in this list of dads that people would like to F in 2022. https://t.co/NNlCo1AoeG
— Jemaine Clement (@AJemaineClement) December 26, 2022

There's honestly nothing better than being with family for 15, max 20 minutes
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) December 25, 2022

My secret to surviving the holidays is i get stoned as fuck then I just start doing dishes and everyone thinks I'm super helpful and no one talks to me because they don't want to get stuck doing dishes
— Lauren Hough (@laurenthehough) December 25, 2022

ofc im sad my grandma has dementia but damn can she make me giggle! I asked her if I could talk to her about something and she sad "I didnt forget that you're gay"
— will (@willyumsproblem) December 25, 2022

It's fuckin wild that cruises ever happened again after 2020
— agent ndn 🦣 negm/they/he (@TheAgentNDN) December 26, 2022

This bottle is going to end up in the ocean — that's the Windex promise pic.twitter.com/EtjEP5A1eR
— hanson o'haver (@HansonOHaver) December 26, 2022

Donner Lake, CA is uhhhhhh not named after Santa's reindeer pic.twitter.com/n9l9YAqVoT
— Bobby Lewis (@revrrlewis) December 25, 2022

blanche: i've never been so ashamed

dorothy: what about that time you lost your handcuff keys and had to go with that man on his mail route?

just GOOD FUNNY TV WRITING right there baby omg
— ashley ray (@theashleyray) December 25, 2022

I'm close to calling the cops. pic.twitter.com/OvcItNvFiW
— jamie (@gnuman1979) December 25, 2022

Damn this some greys anatomy type stuff pic.twitter.com/gINGsGTTOU
— Lance🇱🇨 (@BornAKang) December 26, 2022

I did it. I found the single weirdest moment in the Jan. 6 committee transcripts released so far.

Between witness Samuel Armes and his lawyer Anessa Santos. https://t.co/gO0K9pdu4i pic.twitter.com/Fr7tmMkvaD
— Kyle Cheney (@kyledcheney) December 26, 2022

Over three years later, this remains one of the funniest things I've ever watched. Thank you @jimmykimmel. And happy holidays to everyone! pic.twitter.com/OG2s5xbS4T
— Andrew Wortman (@AmoneyResists) December 25, 2022

The caption was "I've been telling them for weeks that if they don't behave the grinch will come" LMAOOO pic.twitter.com/IAhppi0zQ3
— Angelina (@gimmiedafries) December 25, 2022

This $25 hoop probably the best investment in the history of man https://t.co/0inF1U9cpZ
— 🎭🦊 (@1918Oak) December 25, 2022

Absolutely no one:

Ja Morant when he sees someone standing in the paint:pic.twitter.com/AAWXs2hkT4
— Kevin Sacdalan (@KevSacdalan) December 26, 2022

I'm a firm believer that only one person in the relationship can be annoying on the internet. The other has to be a mysterious minimal poster
— Victoria Paris (@VictoriaParis) December 26, 2022

who was the first person to see a frozen lake and be like "get me my sharpest shoes"
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) December 26, 2022

No direct transit between the ninth and tenth biggest cities in Canada. Perhaps Ontario should fix this before building another expressway. https://t.co/gp4uMeSPqp
— Alex Bozikovic (@alexbozikovic) December 25, 2022

I have been saying this for a while now. Elon Musk isn't a genius but a Con Artist. He's managed to fool many but eventually those who get it, know he is a pathological liar. Just read my pinned thread. @rodhilton has summed it up perfectly as how one can easily fall for his lies pic.twitter.com/hYBXKfxByk
— RΛISINI ライシニ (@iamraisini) December 26, 2022

December 26

all-timer headline pic.twitter.com/cHltpM5B7T
— Dan Douglas (@dandouglas) December 26, 2022

Someone just got thrown off my flight because their dog was barking too much & it was INSANE?! Then as soon as they got off the plane, I kid you not, the remaining dogs on board started barking, I think in solidarity, "That dog was our friend, we stand with him!!" they unionized
— Lane Moore📚YouWillFindUrPeople (@hellolanemoore) December 26, 2022

Our jobs are safe, fam. pic.twitter.com/3vp7lLx2zd
— Peter Yang (@petergyang) December 26, 2022

Spelling lessons… pic.twitter.com/J7lT5qnifv
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) December 26, 2022

When I say Next Door is the most ridiculous app on the internet, this is what I mean — pic.twitter.com/S59Igc22d4
— J*jo S*wa is 38 years old 💇🏼‍♀️👱🏻 (@arieella_) December 27, 2022

i love having 4-6 different streaming services, googling "[movie] streaming," and learning i need to pay $4 to watch it anyway
— BEO Speedwulf (@crulge) December 27, 2022

For anyone else who has never seen this 2010 video of Jennifer Coolidge doing stand-up at Comix in NYC, do yourself a favor and watch it now pic.twitter.com/Lm7BCPhJjc
— Jarett Wieselman (@JarettSays) December 26, 2022

my boyfriend doesn't have a phone atm so I had to email him about when I'm arriving. look at this ridiculous email he writes back lmao pic.twitter.com/oYdmQhWGeg
— shaolin soul 🪷 (@ressjie) December 26, 2022

I thought he was hosting SNL https://t.co/khOfz3R0sx
— Evan Mills (@awkvanmills) December 26, 2022

BREAKING: Liar admits to some of his lies, lies about those lies some more, and remains silent about his other lies. The lying liar expects us to believe his new lies and to forget about his previous lies.

This is a tweet about George Santos.
— Tristan Snell (@TristanSnell) December 27, 2022

That woman shaming EBT users by posting that receipt that turns out was actually hers, and she owns a Cadillac dealership that got $3m in free PPP money is a perfect encapsulation of American conservatism.
— Olivia Hill (@machineiv) December 26, 2022

We went to Cleveland to see The Browns who lead the league in sexual misconduct allegations. We made a custom foam finger for the occasion. pic.twitter.com/d5hHjJG9tZ
— The Good Liars (@TheGoodLiars) December 26, 2022

Millennial women have trust issues because we were told for three Bridget Jones movies that this woman wasn't thin. pic.twitter.com/5gREaPLkNU
— Tara Watson (@tara_watson_) December 27, 2022

 
December 27

White girl Avenger remix. pic.twitter.com/omorIvqCaj
— Tony Peric (@TonyPeric) December 27, 2022

obsessed with a youtube video called 'The Pricemaster' where a masked man stands on stage and gives ridiculous prices to every object at a yard sale

there's 30 minute of this and i'm going to watch it over and over again for the rest of my life pic.twitter.com/dGigpoFkkK
— drew coffman 𝕚𝕤 𝕠𝕟𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕖 🟢 (@drewcoffman) December 28, 2022

Inflation is tearing my family apart pic.twitter.com/PQPXcGIMDE
— Chad (@CSonic235) December 27, 2022

"People your age are getting married and having kids," means nothing. You might've as well told me people my age are grocery shopping at the TJ Maxx discount candy section. That's their business
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@sarahschauer) December 28, 2022

Slutting out your grandpa for internet clout is crazy pic.twitter.com/r0tvjs6M0H
— Jensen from Dodge City (@petworthot) December 27, 2022

one sec i gotta run to the huge gigantic massive cock bathroom pic.twitter.com/HDkKcB5um5
— sword girlfriend (@punishedgarage) December 28, 2022

Can someone explain this sign for me? pic.twitter.com/rZLLanLhgw
— AskAubry 🦝 (@ask_aubry) December 27, 2022

the fact i gotta train 3-5 days a week to keep my body at "moderately broken" while my cat sleep all day and can do parkour with ease is a crime.
— Ben Passmore (@DAYGLOAYHOLE) December 27, 2022

make music, have sex, cook mushrooms in a little pan with some butter
— Fucked Up (@FUCKEDUP) December 27, 2022

Still laughing at Elon Musk comparing himself to a lonely Batman the day after Christmas. Yeah you're alone because your 9 kids don't like you, you're divorced twice, and the people you pay to pretend they like you are home with their families.
— Read Jackson Rising by @CooperationJXN (@JoshuaPHilll) December 27, 2022

when guys show u a youtube video, u have to understand that's a sign of great respect in their culture
— sword girlfriend (@punishedgarage) December 27, 2022

my brother in tech these are called trains https://t.co/XKJrbUU4Lx
— tweet davidson 🍞 (@andykreed) December 28, 2022

cleaning is wet straightening up is dry https://t.co/W1LsGAhAtc
— rax 'leads with her crotch' king (@RaxKingIsDead) December 28, 2022

me googling the number that called me instead of answering it like an adult… pic.twitter.com/XNCwaFwMRN
— introverts memes (@introvertsmemes) December 27, 2022

This is rude as hell. Mind your business! pic.twitter.com/a7LVtmf2nn
— Baddie Moss Clark (@divaTy) December 27, 2022

i wonder why benoit blanc doesn't romance his female friends https://t.co/pt57SLE5op
— Jack (@jackarking) December 27, 2022

I was gonna write F**k Covid, but I got exhausted on the lettering, so it's done pic.twitter.com/MQwDnbd7iN
— Dianna Cowern (@thephysicsgirl) December 27, 2022

Decided to use my 3D printer to figure out how the hell we're doing this. pic.twitter.com/A48kq1pxUv
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) December 27, 2022

hell naw if the waffle house employee Perfect Parries your projectile pack it up lmfao pic.twitter.com/1m7Y30DiJ1
— Kevothy (@KevChelios) December 28, 2022

December 28

pic.twitter.com/xRPoZyPLMk
— whip (@whipaf) December 29, 2022

I'm a flight to Chicago in the middle seat. A husband and wife are on both sides of me talking and passing food back and forth. I asked if they wanted to sit together. They said "no we like the window and aisle." Im taking a bite of the next fucking sandwich they pass over me.
— Brooks Wheelan (@brookswheelan) December 28, 2022

They took the midnight snake goin anywhere pic.twitter.com/LBtmtCauXS
— maria🦝 (@mariamainmo) December 28, 2022

If you encounter a cougar on the trail, we strongly recommend the opposite of pspspsps. pic.twitter.com/LC46kUm6kB
— Washington State Dept. of Natural Resources (@waDNR) December 28, 2022

I wonder what they do with the blooper reels from really serious movies like Schindler's List or 12 Years a Slave. They must just destroy them immediately
— Cameron Bradford (@camerobradford) December 29, 2022

"do you read your reviews"

I don't know, do you stick your head in a large opaque bag that contains a combination of both delicious candy AND angry wasps in some unknown proportion
— Tim Pratt (@timpratt) December 28, 2022

my prediction is that 2023 will see the emergence of this decade's Yellow Guy pic.twitter.com/1yR4fE5alG
— lost kat 🩸 (@xenoindustrial) December 28, 2022

yes, please do enlighten me. email me at smalldickenergy@getalife.com https://t.co/V8geeVvEvg
— Greta Thunberg (@GretaThunberg) December 28, 2022

one thing about greta thunberg pic.twitter.com/fTG5gI8Etm
— matt (@mattxiv) December 28, 2022

A healthy Waffle House staff could go toe to toe with the Avengers https://t.co/r2hMZ5wxei
— KYLE 🖕🏽 (@thekillakay_) December 28, 2022

December 29

I trained at Waffle House. https://t.co/7QbQb0nsUR
— Lynda Carter (@RealLyndaCarter) December 29, 2022

Big dick energy? Small dick energy? We used to use balls as the measure of confidence and courage. And now we use shaft? What is this country coming to?
— Haus of Decline (@hausofdecline) December 29, 2022

Damn Greta works fast https://t.co/VN2ZrRaqq6
— Olivia Julianna 🗳 (@0liviajulianna) December 29, 2022

Andrew Tate's Wikipedia has been updated … pic.twitter.com/u8YH1ucTAR
— Simon Harris - Man Behaving Dadly (THAT'S DADLY) (@simonharris_mbd) December 29, 2022

I feel like "footballing legend Pelé is dead, Andrew Tate arrested for human trafficking in Romania, fashion designer and iconoclast Vivienne Westwood is also dead" is far too much for one evening
— Jason Okundaye (@jasebyjason) December 29, 2022

world record own-goal. nobody has ever kicked the ball into their own net this hard in the history of websites https://t.co/mJekYvkdGL
— america's lounge singer (@KrangTNelson) December 29, 2022

Is this Mad-Libs?

Andrew Tate was let back on Twitter by Elon Musk so he tweeted at Greta Thurnburg who owned him in a viral tweet to which he responded w a video containing a pizza box confirming his whereabouts to Romanian police who arrested him on charges of sex trafficking.
— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) December 29, 2022

Andrew Tate with the super last minute entry for the biggest self-inflicted L of 2022
— philip lewis (@Phil_Lewis_) December 29, 2022

To lose your mother on 9/11 may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose her again on 12/23 looks like carelessness. pic.twitter.com/UKaxUJTNH4
— Dan Savage (@fakedansavage) December 29, 2022

Poorly aged tweet. pic.twitter.com/9TIBhD4rjo
— Jack Cocchiarella (@JDCocchiarella) December 29, 2022

#ONpoli

"But you all got those license plate sticker rebates, right?" https://t.co/Juov7TBPNB pic.twitter.com/GOs2MgTTnL
— T.O. Resident (@TO_Resident) December 29, 2022

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 30, 2022

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