Social media is swell, how to sleep well, drawing Christmas milk from a shell, a "Weird Al" sketch rings a bell, and much more from this week in funny tweets.<br>
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<strong>December 18</strong>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">'tis the season going to kick back tonight with a glass of chicken milk</p>
— charles austin (@skunkancienne) <a href="https://twitter.com/skunkancienne/status/1340045758951776256?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 18, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">A VR game where you can fight your dad during his prime</p>
— Aaron Pequin (@Aaronpequin1) <a href="https://twitter.com/Aaronpequin1/status/1340109068757737473?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">this is the Canadian citizenship test. <a href="https://t.co/MNIoEOaFo3">https://t.co/MNIoEOaFo3</a></p>
— 1-888-4-JANCRO (@Russ_FTW) <a href="https://twitter.com/Russ_FTW/status/1340136764258729984?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">maybe the real stimulus check was the friendship we made along the way</p>
— kelly (@BoyYeetsWorld) <a href="https://twitter.com/BoyYeetsWorld/status/1340099961254383617?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">My ex asked if I have a boyfriend, saying my daughter keeps talking about 'Jerome'. Jerome is our roomba.</p>
— That Pesky Aubrie (@AubriePesky) <a href="https://twitter.com/AubriePesky/status/1339925282329923585?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 18, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>December 19</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">sure canada has monthly stimulus and universal healthcare but think of all the freedom that its cost them</p>
— Andrew Lawrence (@ndrew_lawrence) <a href="https://twitter.com/ndrew_lawrence/status/1340296124628918274?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/gQPMsDwgtj">pic.twitter.com/gQPMsDwgtj</a></p>
— Cody Johnston (@drmistercody) <a href="https://twitter.com/drmistercody/status/1340379791506038784?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Just learned that Nuremberg is the world's gingerbread capital. This is not mentioned in the 1961 movie Judgment At Nuremberg.</p>
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) <a href="https://twitter.com/mbalazo/status/1340508991424778242?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Two guys named Spike in the entire world. Both movie directors.</p>
— Caleb Pitts (@Braingetter) <a href="https://twitter.com/Braingetter/status/1340540150061928448?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">All I have ever wanted from a yogurt is to know who the cows are. <a href="https://t.co/45rP1whQgC">pic.twitter.com/45rP1whQgC</a></p>
— Jen Silverman (@_Jen_Silverman) <a href="https://twitter.com/_Jen_Silverman/status/1340367210578108417?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I wish I lived in a country where Donald Trump committing high treason with Russia was treated with half the outrage and gravity of Dr. Jill Biden earning an advanced degree.</p>
— Andrea Junker ® (@Strandjunker) <a href="https://twitter.com/Strandjunker/status/1340351201544708107?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I'm closing my DMs I can't live like this anymore <a href="https://t.co/vsUYvHV2zV">pic.twitter.com/vsUYvHV2zV</a></p>
— Lauren Bonner (@laurenybonner) <a href="https://twitter.com/laurenybonner/status/1340193786043932673?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">my girlfriend talks in her sleep. i've noted them down for weeks, and turned her dreams into rupi kaur poems. <a href="https://t.co/Pv3dsflgXQ">pic.twitter.com/Pv3dsflgXQ</a></p>
— Harry Mitchell (@HarryIsLate) <a href="https://twitter.com/HarryIsLate/status/1340338998548545539?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>December 20</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I'm not a public health expert, but surely vaccine delivery would be more efficient (and cheaper) if scientists crossbred the vaccine with the common wasp to create a "vaccine wasp" and released swarms of them in major cities</p>
— pixelatedboat aka "mr christmas" (@pixelatedboat) <a href="https://twitter.com/pixelatedboat/status/1340806357054758913?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Jan. 1, 2021: We did it, guys! That awful year is behind us!<br>
<br>
Aug. 4, 2021: The snake wolves have taken Illinois. Here's what that means for Ohio volcano refugees.</p>
— J.P. McDade (@jp_mcdade) <a href="https://twitter.com/jp_mcdade/status/1340662438774132741?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">"What else, what else... the covid vaccine. You heard about this? Some people think the government's gonna use it to chip them. Buddy, I've been chipped my whole life. Nobody checks that thing. And you move less than I do! What are they gonna track, your walk to the fridge?" <a href="https://t.co/GRvtlHkl2L">pic.twitter.com/GRvtlHkl2L</a></p>
— Jake Borelli's cute little face stan account (@charliecherrim) <a href="https://twitter.com/charliecherrim/status/1340855425231679488?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">$600 × 328 million = $196.8 billion<br>
<br>
This bill is for $900 billion.<br>
<br>
Guess who's getting that other $700+ billion.</p>
— Spike Cohen (@RealSpikeCohen) <a href="https://twitter.com/RealSpikeCohen/status/1340912327667888129?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Well, it's taken over 800 years but the Brits are now banned from coming to Ireland 👀</p>
— Erin Ní Bhroin (@ErinNiBhroin) <a href="https://twitter.com/ErinNiBhroin/status/1340712258326949889?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">People who should've been vaccinated before Marco Rubio:<br>
<br>
– my mom<br>
<br>
– everyone's grandma<br>
<br>
– everyone's grandpa<br>
<br>
– every nurse<br>
<br>
– every doctor<br>
<br>
– every person who didn't spend the last ten months telling people this modern plague is "no big deal."<br>
<br>
– Dolly Parton</p>
— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) <a href="https://twitter.com/Mikel_Jollett/status/1340840421669261313?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="es" dir="ltr">GOP's 2020<br>
<br>
Jan: Hoax<br>
Feb: Hoax<br>
Mar: Hoax<br>
Apr: Hoax<br>
May: Hoax<br>
Jun: Hoax<br>
Jul: Hoax<br>
Aug: Hoax<br>
Sep: Hoax<br>
Oct: Hoax<br>
Nov: Hoax<br>
Dec: Vaccine? ME FIRST!!!</p>
— Burns Like Whisky 🇺🇸 (@Scotch_Rox) <a href="https://twitter.com/Scotch_Rox/status/1340672855860776960?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">martin shkreli trending does mean I get to talk about this again tho <a href="https://t.co/i4OKACpVNc">pic.twitter.com/i4OKACpVNc</a></p>
— sexy train lenin stan (@drea_carmen) <a href="https://twitter.com/drea_carmen/status/1340835522177101824?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I can't believe how clunky the original title was. <a href="https://t.co/ue7WkZbYYl">pic.twitter.com/ue7WkZbYYl</a></p>
— Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) <a href="https://twitter.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1340773135096848384?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE <a href="https://t.co/HSG7qYYy0d">pic.twitter.com/HSG7qYYy0d</a></p>
— Savvy☭ (@sleepisocialist) <a href="https://twitter.com/sleepisocialist/status/1340730356677419009?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>December 21</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I don't understand. $ 600 is it?? In New Zealand we got $600 every week for months until we were all back at work. Our little country can do it and the wealthiest country in the world can't?? WTAF</p>
— Lols J ~💙 (@lolsjou) <a href="https://twitter.com/lolsjou/status/1340952155209912325?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/RUNp5jzn8i">pic.twitter.com/RUNp5jzn8i</a></p>
— caleb gamman (@calebgamman) <a href="https://twitter.com/calebgamman/status/1341045042744442880?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">FINALLY clothing for those of us with cold arms and hot tits <a href="https://t.co/k6VrA6ebXI">pic.twitter.com/k6VrA6ebXI</a></p>
— Amanda ✨J❄️Y🎄 Deibert (@amandadeibert) <a href="https://twitter.com/amandadeibert/status/1341254779712937984?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">my joker origin story is that junior year of high school i had no prom date so i had to take group photos with my friend's dad <a href="https://t.co/ERzU34BMpQ">pic.twitter.com/ERzU34BMpQ</a></p>
— trash jones (@jzux) <a href="https://twitter.com/jzux/status/1341088843890454528?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">the "ice cream of the future" coming through <a href="https://t.co/5lFtA8ucBJ">pic.twitter.com/5lFtA8ucBJ</a></p>
— alex (@alex_abads) <a href="https://twitter.com/alex_abads/status/1341184710702075904?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">What is this, my ex boyfriend's house???? <a href="https://t.co/Jv1xtpnzse">pic.twitter.com/Jv1xtpnzse</a></p>
— mean uncle jack (@meanunclejack) <a href="https://twitter.com/meanunclejack/status/1341128494126927872?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Fellas, is it sexist to say someone is rich? <a href="https://t.co/oASqWdMq9q">pic.twitter.com/oASqWdMq9q</a></p>
— Fairy Gothmother, MD (@jenny2x4) <a href="https://twitter.com/jenny2x4/status/1341235591011213315?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">happy birthday jane fonda, a living legend at 83 <a href="https://t.co/aapS9MsToT">pic.twitter.com/aapS9MsToT</a></p>
— ellie (@ryderskravitz) <a href="https://twitter.com/ryderskravitz/status/1340934878481805313?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Obsessed that these homes are the same price <a href="https://t.co/QA6UujX7Sj">pic.twitter.com/QA6UujX7Sj</a></p>
— Hunter Reis (@hunterreis) <a href="https://twitter.com/hunterreis/status/1341119601434710016?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">If he's the grinch i'd hate to meet the frownch</p>
— josh 'Lettermas' (oldfriend99) (@oldfriend99) <a href="https://twitter.com/oldfriend99/status/1341044422188937218?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>December 22</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">D: $2000 checks<br>
R: $600 checks?<br>
<br>
D: $1200 checks<br>
R: $600 checks?<br>
<br>
D: $600 checks.<br>
R: $2000 checks! Take it or leave it!</p>
— Keith Edwards (@keithedwards) <a href="https://twitter.com/keithedwards/status/1341570927994269696?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 23, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">i'm so happy for her <a href="https://t.co/xLYNL25Y16">pic.twitter.com/xLYNL25Y16</a></p>
— s t e p h e n (@tescocans) <a href="https://twitter.com/tescocans/status/1341518489912274944?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">My granny telling ppl I fix phones bc I turned her brightness up 😭😭</p>
— Kjay 🅿️ (@lilkjay12) <a href="https://twitter.com/lilkjay12/status/1341421800383803392?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">IQ test came back negative 🙌🏻</p>
— Sparkling Dumbass 🐺 (@KnabeWolf) <a href="https://twitter.com/KnabeWolf/status/1341426083435081729?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">yeah sex is cool but what about when you're cutting wrapping paper and it goes ——— instead of ~~~~~</p>
— Rachel (@femaleredhead) <a href="https://twitter.com/femaleredhead/status/1341483996690182145?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">my opinion on chess is that the horse is lowkey gay for moving around like that</p>
— ɦǟʀɮɨռɢɛʀ օʄ ʀɨɢɦȶɛօʊֆ ֆաǟɢ (@rodentsheriff) <a href="https://twitter.com/rodentsheriff/status/1341542705021808641?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 23, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">The end of this tiktok is maybe the hardest I've ever laughed <a href="https://t.co/XhDowMP7lT">pic.twitter.com/XhDowMP7lT</a></p>
— Kristin Chirico (@lolacoaster) <a href="https://twitter.com/lolacoaster/status/1341428773539856385?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>December 23</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Maybe just this once, just for this Festivus 2020, we take pass on the "Airing of Grievances"..</p>
— Jerry Seinfeld (@JerrySeinfeld) <a href="https://twitter.com/JerrySeinfeld/status/1341820840149733377?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 23, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">why doesn't anyone want to buy the milk from my all-bull farm <a href="https://t.co/CV6sFdGevC">https://t.co/CV6sFdGevC</a></p>
— sissy teigan (@bloodberry_tart) <a href="https://twitter.com/bloodberry_tart/status/1341778908195250176?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 23, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">whole new type of guy in my dms <a href="https://t.co/s4ggYEURIM">pic.twitter.com/s4ggYEURIM</a></p>
— wheatus apologist (@_ghostfuneral) <a href="https://twitter.com/_ghostfuneral/status/1341709060467527680?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 23, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Weird Al Yankovic just won 2020. <a href="https://t.co/dvcxbf8Rr5">pic.twitter.com/dvcxbf8Rr5</a></p>
— Tim Fullerton (@TimFullerton) <a href="https://twitter.com/TimFullerton/status/1341776063026900993?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 23, 2020</a></blockquote>
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Vish Khanna

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 24, 2020

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