November 25
Mr. President, just to clarify things, I wanted to offer a few statistics. Number of times you were Person of the Year during the 7 years I was editor of Time: 0. Number of times you were on the cover: 0. Number of times you made the Time 100 influentials list: 0. Thanks anyway!
— Richard Stengel (@stengel) November 25, 2017
I didn't think it could get worse... pic.twitter.com/4zmSpEgXwg
— Kalen Allen (@TheKalenAllen) November 25, 2017
If you're having diarrhea in a public toilet & U hear someone come in, you gotta mutter things like "this is fuuuucked" under your breath after every squirt so they don't think that having diarrhea is normal for you
— Christian (@nopoweradeinusa) November 26, 2017
So much of life involves forcing people you love to watch something you think is brilliant while they talk over it.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 26, 2017
Meanwhile in midtown Atlanta, on the Crowne plaza hotel, someone has been projecting this on the building. Apparently, the police can't stop it as they are not breaking the law. pic.twitter.com/gahAJPJTAX
— Rogelio Garcia Lawyer (@LawyerRogelio) November 25, 2017
Just so y'all know I taught my big sister about @CardiB_ today pic.twitter.com/sGt7R1hOwi
— Tiffany Haddish (@TiffanyHaddish) November 26, 2017
November 26
Remember when we used to be mad that social media was mostly photos of people's meals, and now when we see photos of people's meals on social media we're like, "Oh my god. Thank you so much for this brief respite from the unending nightmare."
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) November 27, 2017
November 27
If a comedian made this "joke" in their Netflix special their career would be over. https://t.co/X9KnPgdfNB
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) November 27, 2017
It's not just that none of the morons on his WH staff knew to say "not in front of the Jackson portrait" or the way he barely seems to be listening or even the Pocahontas - it's that that pampered nothing talked to those heroic vets like they were children. Just vile. The worst.
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) November 28, 2017
November 28
This happened tonight on @jeopardy. Who is me? #Jeopardy pic.twitter.com/ynJl1rAhuv
— Julia Louis-Dreyfus (@OfficialJLD) November 29, 2017
November 29
This is basically halfway to being a children's book pic.twitter.com/DjwUPHy9Wz
— Erin McGuire (@e_mcguire_) November 29, 2017
Shout out to all the early humans who died figuring out what plants we can and can't eat.
— Eliza Skinner (@elizaskinner) November 30, 2017
JUST STOP TOUCHING PEOPLE MAN HOW HARD IS THAT
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) November 29, 2017
JUST IMAGINE EVERY PERSON IS FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH BEES OR SOMETHING
WHATEVER IT TAKES HONESTLY
November 30
FOX NEWS HOST TO @tedcruz: You cool working with alleged child molester Roy Moore if he's elected?
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) November 30, 2017
CRUZ: Sure, no problem, that's up to the voters.
FOX NEWS HOST: And what about alleged groper Al Franken?
CRUZ: Now that's a very serious problem. I'm extremely concerned. pic.twitter.com/1QzMq0Hud5
Trump spent years yelling about Obama ruining Christmas but in the end it was Trump who ruined it pic.twitter.com/BRAj7eupC6
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) December 1, 2017
Good lord, you have to watch this hardcore Jake ownage pic.twitter.com/MwEfmDfnuM
— Josh Marshall (@joshtpm) November 30, 2017
My favorite Bible story is definitely the one about Jesus terrorizing teen girls at the mall pic.twitter.com/bwXEhrK6dn
— Lauren Duca (@laurenduca) November 30, 2017
Film writer describes #TheBigSick as a comedy romance. Could be catchier as a term. We're gonna start brainstorming alternatives, see what we can come up with... #teamexclaim
— James Keast (@exclaimeditor) November 30, 2017
December 1
Flynn is the fourth member of Trump's campaign to be charged with a crime. He's the first who led a "lock her up" chant at the Republican convention.
— Daniel Dale (@ddale8) December 1, 2017
What was that again, Mr Flynn? Lock who up?
— Lawrence O'Donnell (@Lawrence) December 1, 2017