This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 15, 2017
I know it's accepted now, but I took a step back & thought, "How would I have viewed this 2 years ago?" Mind blown.— Kurt Eichenwald (@kurteichenwald) December 10, 2017
There are GOPrs who:
1. Hate brave Americans in our intelligence community.
2. Hate the FBI.
1. Accused child molesters.
2. P***y grabbers.
My favorite part in the Bible is when Jesus says that voting for a child molester who speaks fondly of slavery is better than voting for a Democrat.— Brohibition Now 🏳️🌈 (@OhNoSheTwitnt) December 9, 2017
Accidentally cut a guy off switching lanes and when he went around me he gave me a thumbs down instead of the finger.. Idk why but it hurt more.— Tristan (@Tea_ris) December 10, 2017
2016: 196,000 jobs per month— Jon Favreau (@jonfavs) December 10, 2017
2017: 170,000 jobs per month
Unemployment rate when Obama left office: 4.5%@QuinnipiacPoll, 11/15: Who gets credit for the economy?
Let me know if you need any other facts, @PressSec https://t.co/rllgvwh65p
Almost 29 years ago, Sergeant Al Powell helped save dozens of lives after being sent to investigate a prank call at Nakatomi Plaza.— Channel 4 (@Channel4) December 11, 2017
As we do every year, we honour his bravery by showing the documentary Die Hard, this Sunday at 10pm pic.twitter.com/hfUscMFmyw
the Moore campaign's closing pitch is that Roy— Simon Maloy (@SimonMaloy) December 12, 2017
a) didn't pay to have sex with kids in Vietnam one time
b) knows Jews
I'd like to personally congratulate each and every individual involved pic.twitter.com/qooogPOGgV— The Dogfather (@matt___nelson) December 12, 2017
In Midland City, Alabama, Steve Bannon goes after @JoeNBC, saying he got into better schools than Joe could have—Georgetown and Harvard. This might be the wrong place for that attack: Joe went to the University of Alabama.— Jonathan Allen (@jonallendc) December 12, 2017
At the airport picking my mom up and she's already asked where the bathroom is. Please note I am not with her and I am not inside the airport.— Festive Special Brooke Perrin (@brookeperrin) December 12, 2017
Roy Moore campaign spokesman responds with silence when asked if he knew people can be sworn in with a text other than the Christian bible pic.twitter.com/B65qIKBjlI— The Lead CNN (@TheLeadCNN) December 12, 2017
2017: The year so bad that a child molester losing an election IN A SQUEAKER is enough to give you a spring in your step.— Justin McElroy (@JustinMcElroy) December 13, 2017
If we can beat a pedophile by .8%, we can do anything!— Neal Brennan (@nealbrennan) December 13, 2017
I hope Roy Moore's defeat is a lesson to all Republicans that no matter how many kids you fuck NEVER admit to having a jew lawyer— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) December 13, 2017
Roy Moore hasn't accepted the outcome of the civil war, what made anyone think that he'd accept losing to Doug Jones. #ALSenate— Mason Steinberg (@AlUCanEatShrimp) December 13, 2017
Get the fuck. This has to be one of the greatest plot twists of american cinema pic.twitter.com/cSzpexql43— 🤴🏾Most Hon. DaddyLongStroke III👑 (@_djrocklee) December 13, 2017
CNN: Roy Moore lost.— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) December 14, 2017
MSNBC: Doug Jones will be the next senator from Alabama.
FOX: IS MUELLER SECRETLY HILLARY IN A LATEX MASK? WE'LL ASK TED NUGENT.
Me doing my homework after net neutrality has been abolished and I no longer have access to Quizlet pic.twitter.com/1BElvGkfKj— sydward (@badgyalsyd) December 13, 2017
TWITTER: black women!! they did that!!! yaaaas!!— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) December 13, 2017
BLACK WOMEN: we'd just like to say-
TWITTER: y'all need to support black women more!! let them speak!! who run the world???
BW: you can support us by-
TWITTER: [tune of 'moon river'] blaaaaack woooomeeeeen
Search all you want, you won't ever find it https://t.co/jy2fhtoIMT— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) December 14, 2017
do women hold grudges, or do women hold devastating information that exposes big ol' cracks in previously impermeable power structures?— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) December 14, 2017
2016: I'm the worst year ever.— Tim Federle (@TimFederle) December 14, 2017
2017: Hold my beer.
2018: Hold my b [buffering buffering buffering] ee [buffering] r
It was a quiet car ride pic.twitter.com/F9ubGUoHAI— decent pigeon (@decentbirthday) December 14, 2017
NORTH END BARBER SHARES STORY OF LIFE WITHOUT NECK TATTOO. Absence of neck tattoo has ment losing customers, credibility. Worst of all is the endless taunting from other barbers.— HFX HEADLINES (@HFX_Headlines) December 15, 2017
I regret naming my son Bruh— Steven W Skinner (@SkinnerSteven) December 15, 2017