When pudding is VHS storable, a ticklish child is adorable, gun violence isn't ignorable, Kid Rock is truly horrible and much more from this week in funny tweets.<br>
<strong>August 3</strong><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">Whatever bad news you may have been encountering or reading, I guarantee this will make you smile, if not laugh loudly. And the world will suddenly seem ok. <a href="https://t.co/7uLx3jkhka">pic.twitter.com/7uLx3jkhka</a></p>— Akki (@akkitwts) <a href="https://twitter.com/akkitwts/status/1157671116871294977?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 3, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">A very cool thing about living in America is that sometimes you have to check and make sure you're not accidentally tweeting something lighthearted during a mass shooting</p>— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) <a href="https://twitter.com/ChaseMit/status/1157729270946394112?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 3, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">Fox News did to our parents what they thought video games would do to us.</p>— Ryan Scott (@ryan_scott) <a href="https://twitter.com/ryan_scott/status/1157757381985492992?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 3, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">In light of America's 2,188th mass shooting since Sandy Hook, we must remember that the biggest threat facing this nation is Antifa. They have thrown milkshakes at upwards of two (2) people.</p>— J.P. McDade (@jp_mcdade) <a href="https://twitter.com/jp_mcdade/status/1157832332159700992?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 4, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">Not going to post the shooter's manifesto, but you can read a summary of it here <a href="https://t.co/lswhQBcvXr">pic.twitter.com/lswhQBcvXr</a></p>— Don Moynihan (@donmoyn) <a href="https://twitter.com/donmoyn/status/1157861679813877766?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 4, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">This is how tornadoes start. <a href="https://t.co/g74ML2Pp0w">pic.twitter.com/g74ML2Pp0w</a></p>— Paul Bronks (@SlenderSherbet) <a href="https://twitter.com/SlenderSherbet/status/1157587817914089472?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 3, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<strong>August 4</strong><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">🇬🇧Pop. 65 million<br>🇺🇸Pop. 330 million (5x)<br><br>🇬🇧Video game revenues: ≈$5 billion <br>🇺🇸Video game revenues: ≈$25 billion (5x)<br><br>🇬🇧Gun homicides (2017): 31<br>🇺🇸Gun homicides (2017): 14,542 (469x)<br><br>Stop blaming the video games you absolute morons.</p>— Brian Klaas (@brianklaas) <a href="https://twitter.com/brianklaas/status/1158032471495196677?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 4, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">these shootings have me so rattled I guess I'll go to church oh wait ok I'll go to a movie oh wait well maybe there's a concert oh wait ok I'll go to walmar- fuck that's it I'm just going to a bar oh WAIT</p>— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) <a href="https://twitter.com/nachosarah/status/1158088476903874560?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 4, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">Wherever you stand on Beto, the fact that he said, "I don't know, members of the press, what the fuck?" is pretty good answer to this asinine question. <a href="https://t.co/Seg0vqv3fG">https://t.co/Seg0vqv3fG</a></p>— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) <a href="https://twitter.com/Mikel_Jollett/status/1158199843602325506?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 5, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">SHOOTER: I was inspired by trump. <br><br>MEDIA: what could have caused this?<br><br>SHOOTER: look at this cool photo of the word "trump" spelled out in firearms <br><br>MEDIA: he probably played too much fortnite<br><br>SHOOTER: it's like trump said, Hispanics are invading us<br><br>MEDIA: we may never know</p>— Imani Gandy (@AngryBlackLady) <a href="https://twitter.com/AngryBlackLady/status/1158037896965705728?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 4, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<strong>August 5</strong><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">Feral hogs threatening my children by country:<br>🇦🇹 0<br>🇩🇰 0<br>🇫🇮 0<br>🇩🇪 0<br>🇮🇹 0<br>🇮🇪 0<br>🇱🇺 0<br>🇨🇭 0<br>🇬🇧 0<br>🇭🇺 0<br>🇪🇸 0<br>🇵🇹 0<br>🇸🇬 0 <br>🇸🇦 0<br>🇧🇪 0<br>🇸🇪 0<br>🇦🇺 0<br>🇫🇷 0<br>🇳🇿 0<br>🇳🇱 0<br>🇧🇷 0<br>🇨🇦 0<br>🇲🇽 0<br>🇺🇸 30-50</p>— Daragh (@QDaragh) <a href="https://twitter.com/QDaragh/status/1158470457747824640?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 5, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">dunno about you guys but as a woman, I'm feeling preeeeetty good about the fact that we're clearly immune to mental illness. must be why conservatives are always like, "we need a woman president, they're the most stable!!!"</p>— Jen Statsky (@jenstatsky) <a href="https://twitter.com/jenstatsky/status/1158437278005415936?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 5, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">He really does need a full neuropsych workup. Seriously. <a href="https://t.co/t92DnpJKKO">https://t.co/t92DnpJKKO</a></p>— George Conway (@gtconway3d) <a href="https://twitter.com/gtconway3d/status/1158465367263649793?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 5, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<strong>August 6</strong><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">I posted a picture on my insta in my ex's shirt and let's just say he probably won't ask for it back again anytime soon <a href="https://t.co/00ypwNBEf8">pic.twitter.com/00ypwNBEf8</a></p>— Lyss🤷🏽‍♀️ (@alyssanikaye11) <a href="https://twitter.com/alyssanikaye11/status/1158948903666012160?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 7, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">stages of Feral Hog Twitter <br>1. confusion seeing everyone tweet "30 to 50 feral hogs" <br>2. find the tweet &amp; assume it's satire<br>3. read the tweet again &amp; realize it's for real<br>4. like and RT only feral hog tweets for 12 hrs straight<br>5. become 30 to 50 feral hogs</p>— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheDweck/status/1158590446911643653?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 6, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">Ages ago, I got to hear Toni Morrison speak. During the Q&amp;A *that guy* stood up...<br><br>"The first line of BELOVED—'124 was spiteful'—isn't it true that the number 1-2-4 symbolizes the—"<br><br>"No," she said. <br><br>"What?" he said. <br><br>"I was living in apartment 124 at the time. Next question."</p>— Ally Carter (@OfficiallyAlly) <a href="https://twitter.com/OfficiallyAlly/status/1158740885397475331?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 6, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">Someone I follow on Instagram thinks she discovered the library <a href="https://t.co/9mtJVf4gEs">pic.twitter.com/9mtJVf4gEs</a></p>— Maddy Smith (@somaddysmith) <a href="https://twitter.com/somaddysmith/status/1158802849058439169?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 6, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">Can we make a reality show where we make baby boomers try applying to jobs for the first time in 30 years using their own advice, and see how quickly they have a mental breakdown?</p>— Tyler Mead (@Meadbymead) <a href="https://twitter.com/Meadbymead/status/1158844540486373376?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 6, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">my tweets bring people together, and unite this country even more than 9/11 did. every time i post its like 9/11 happening again</p>— wint (@dril) <a href="https://twitter.com/dril/status/1158835118049415168?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 6, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<strong>August 7</strong><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">This is so sad but PLEASE watch this interview 😂 <a href="https://t.co/8J6kBt3bu2">pic.twitter.com/8J6kBt3bu2</a></p>— Afsheen Misaghi (@affyjay) <a href="https://twitter.com/affyjay/status/1159290793640833025?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 8, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">my mom was trying to say big dick energy but she couldn't remember it and she goes "is that fat dick spirit"</p>— <span style="background:white;">𝖆𝖏</span><span style="background:white;"> (@plqz) <a href="https://twitter.com/plqz/status/1159201936069013507?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 7, 2019</a></span></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">Barbecue sauce is like if Dr. Pepper made ketchup</p>— Tank.Sinatra (@GeorgeResch) <a href="https://twitter.com/GeorgeResch/status/1159236292636528640?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 7, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">this is magnificent...💪🏀😏 <a href="https://t.co/7FflMhP5rZ">pic.twitter.com/7FflMhP5rZ</a></p>— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) <a href="https://twitter.com/RexChapman/status/1159298378091716610?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 8, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<strong>August 8</strong><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">me 5 years ago: the Internet isn't your diary sweetie (:<br><br>me now: what's up twitter today I cried in a mcdonald's bathroom</p>— ‏ً (@indeprive) <a href="https://twitter.com/indeprive/status/1159556709142151170?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 8, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">I hate when actors say that they "were always performing- from a very young age.. just dancing and putting on little plays for my family"....yah its called being 7</p>— Patrick Sullivan (@PatchNavillus) <a href="https://twitter.com/PatchNavillus/status/1159623402652667911?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 9, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">In a restaurant in canada last night I was served pudding on, and I wish I was joking, an ancient VHS copy of The Bodyguard <a href="https://t.co/53oQfXDlNw">pic.twitter.com/53oQfXDlNw</a></p>— P.S.Burton (@PSBurton) <a href="https://twitter.com/PSBurton/status/1159461744856616960?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 8, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">To everyone out there suffering from anxiety: you are not alone there's someone behind you</p>— Rachel McCartney (@RachelMComedy) <a href="https://twitter.com/RachelMComedy/status/1159604122406019072?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 8, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">*~*Some personal news*~*<br><br>I was mistakenly invited to speak at a conference for dentists (I am not a dentist), and now I can't stop sending them proposals for my talk. <a href="https://t.co/TE4C3JcsP1">pic.twitter.com/TE4C3JcsP1</a></p>— Paula Skaggs (@paulaskaggs) <a href="https://twitter.com/paulaskaggs/status/1159562692526583819?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 8, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<strong>August 9 </strong><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">Kid Rock grew up in a wealthy family on a sprawling estate, never wanted for anything, and built a bullshit image of being a hardscrapping, white trash country "rapper" from Detroit to sell shitty records.<br><br>-- Charlotte Clymer <a href="https://t.co/YK1z4P16Yh">https://t.co/YK1z4P16Yh</a></p>— Charlotte Clymer🏳️‍🌈 (@cmclymer) <a href="https://twitter.com/cmclymer/status/1159893064103714818?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 9, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br>
<span style="background:white;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">Amen, Bob. She should be a real American like you, growing up on a six acre estate complete with tennis court and horse paddock, and then bravely adopting a faux "redneck shitkicker" cosplay persona. God bless you, buddy ruff. <a href="https://t.co/OLlL430TnN">https://t.co/OLlL430TnN</a></p>— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) <a href="https://twitter.com/pattonoswalt/status/1159886896434016256?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 9, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">The funniest thing isn't us casually dunking on Kid Rock, it's the fact that right now a SEAL Team Six of teenage Taylor Swift fans are in his mentions and will never stop until he is destroyed</p>— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) <a href="https://twitter.com/MikeDrucker/status/1159918762730164225?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 9, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">This is the Twitter content I'm here for... 💪🏀🛑😏😂 <a href="https://t.co/cpr46ql6A5">pic.twitter.com/cpr46ql6A5</a></p>— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) <a href="https://twitter.com/RexChapman/status/1159925348886298625?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 9, 2019</a></blockquote> <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span>

Vish Khanna

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: August 9, 2019

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