Uh oh spicy, spoken word is dicey, a cheese grater is pricey, Melania looks icy, and much more from this week in funny tweets.<br>
<br>
<strong>August 21</strong>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Me: finally able to travel to Scotland to see my nephew after 8 painful months of separation<br>
<br>
My nephew: <a href="https://t.co/4jtE87hDhr">pic.twitter.com/4jtE87hDhr</a></p>
— Medb MacDaibheid (@MMacdaibheid) <a href="https://twitter.com/MMacdaibheid/status/1296896748896616448?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I'd like to personally congratulate Beyoncé on making nine dollars. <a href="https://t.co/L1W5ncKfxC">https://t.co/L1W5ncKfxC</a></p>
— Matt Wallace (@MattFnWallace) <a href="https://twitter.com/MattFnWallace/status/1296963912806481920?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">What...were...the...perks...before...this?? <a href="https://t.co/vzxzhiVlQC">https://t.co/vzxzhiVlQC</a></p>
— ny (@nmwissa) <a href="https://twitter.com/nmwissa/status/1296968020326092800?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Enjoy this video of Denzel Washington and Jamie Foxx bonding over Cardi <a href="https://t.co/6Du91H83nq">pic.twitter.com/6Du91H83nq</a></p>
— Chass (@chassity_maxx) <a href="https://twitter.com/chassity_maxx/status/1296832512078098432?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">What was once a funny meme is just now four moods leaving the house during covid. <a href="https://t.co/2K35MAn7Pd">pic.twitter.com/2K35MAn7Pd</a></p>
— TorAthena (@TorAthena) <a href="https://twitter.com/TorAthena/status/1296750735305187329?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<strong>August 22</strong>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Donate bloob <a href="https://t.co/zy4yxktA7b">pic.twitter.com/zy4yxktA7b</a></p>
— Alyssa Stonoha (@astonoha) <a href="https://twitter.com/astonoha/status/1297365617041801216?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 23, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Nature's state of the art stabilisation. <a href="https://t.co/h0bc84W9oK">pic.twitter.com/h0bc84W9oK</a></p>
— Daniel Holland (@DannyDutch) <a href="https://twitter.com/DannyDutch/status/1297267633289560064?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Filming bats upside down looks like a goth nightclub 😂 <a href="https://t.co/asaj8qVqPZ">pic.twitter.com/asaj8qVqPZ</a></p>
— CCTV_IDIOTS (@cctv_idiots) <a href="https://twitter.com/cctv_idiots/status/1297269282452189191?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I miss how Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network only aired commercials aimed at kids. I wish there was an option for that on Hulu and Youtube like please no more insurance or antidepressants please only show me the latest in super soaker technology</p>
— 𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕗𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕣 (@spinubzilla) <a href="https://twitter.com/spinubzilla/status/1297127118116204545?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">BREAKING: A novel treatment has been discovered that can reduce COVID-19 transmission by up to 75%. It's called wear a fucking mask.</p>
— Sam Ghali, M.D. (@EM_RESUS) <a href="https://twitter.com/EM_RESUS/status/1297354828692193281?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 23, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<strong>August 23</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">My girl broke up with her spoken word artist boyfriend and I'm so happy I no longer will be forced to attend that shit</p>
— Sham (@bitterarab) <a href="https://twitter.com/bitterarab/status/1297711500153561088?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 24, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Wholesome content <a href="https://t.co/snj8MhQEX5">pic.twitter.com/snj8MhQEX5</a></p>
— Dough-Mayne Diego (@Simplemachines_) <a href="https://twitter.com/Simplemachines_/status/1297739774795509761?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 24, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Anyone else's parents tell you after the fact that they had a medical scare?<br>
<br>
"Oh, we didn't want to worry you. We died last week."</p>
— ᴛʜᴇᴀ ʟᴜx (@thealux) <a href="https://twitter.com/thealux/status/1297580425708109825?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 23, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">me: come over<br>
Malcolm Gladwell: I cant<br>
Me: I need someone to explain a very obvious concept to me by cherry picking evidence from various scientific studies to give an ordinary truth the gloss of counterintuitive genius <a href="https://t.co/5t33BiHpMU">pic.twitter.com/5t33BiHpMU</a></p>
— 🕳⚰️💨 (@hedlike_a_hole) <a href="https://twitter.com/hedlike_a_hole/status/1297699452015255552?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 24, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">i frolicked for the first time ever today bruh. y'all ever frolic before???? why no one ever tell me about this <a href="https://t.co/HH03qAouOE">pic.twitter.com/HH03qAouOE</a></p>
— malik💕 (@AshyMalik) <a href="https://twitter.com/AshyMalik/status/1297735248415875072?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 24, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I wonder what type of music white strippers strip to. Probably podcasts.</p>
— Too Much Pork For Your Fork (@TheeMarilee) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheeMarilee/status/1297434969103634432?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 23, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<strong>August 24</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">normal writers: how<br>
<br>
academics: the ways in which</p>
— Drew McKevitt (@drewmckevitt) <a href="https://twitter.com/drewmckevitt/status/1297898486772510720?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 24, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Conservative Party:<br>
"Take Canada Back".<br>
<br>
Indigenous people:<br>
How far back we talkin'?</p>
— J (@JayOdjick) <a href="https://twitter.com/JayOdjick/status/1297963589597368328?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 24, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">when your anxiety levels are lower in a pandemic than at school that says a lot about your education system <a href="https://t.co/akj9UdmHh2">pic.twitter.com/akj9UdmHh2</a></p>
— 🌈sovietblobfish🌈 (@sovietblobfish) <a href="https://twitter.com/sovietblobfish/status/1297827669250318336?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 24, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Dunkin Donuts is out here having a breakdown like the rest of us <a href="https://t.co/3RNUgMQbuZ">pic.twitter.com/3RNUgMQbuZ</a></p>
— Dwight "Mountain Mama" Davis (@tdwightdavis) <a href="https://twitter.com/tdwightdavis/status/1297980854099156994?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 24, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Dawg the graphics person was WAITING for this moment <a href="https://t.co/HY1TzpEkUG">https://t.co/HY1TzpEkUG</a></p>
— Jasmine (@JasmineLWatkins) <a href="https://twitter.com/JasmineLWatkins/status/1298010349300580355?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 24, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">wish i had the confidence of the woman trying to sell this cheese grater as an earring rack on etsy <a href="https://t.co/SFRw4KSiuH">pic.twitter.com/SFRw4KSiuH</a></p>
— corie johnson (@corietjohnson) <a href="https://twitter.com/corietjohnson/status/1298100472666980352?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 25, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">"i've had sex TWICE and i made her PROVE they were mine!" <a href="https://t.co/TUs7NTJw7A">pic.twitter.com/TUs7NTJw7A</a></p>
— kai (@kaichoyce) <a href="https://twitter.com/kaichoyce/status/1298127464800149505?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 25, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">DT/45 supporters are sharing this on FB. I don't have the desire to tell them than the man cloaked in white is Charles Manson. <a href="https://t.co/jOEUlXpIju">pic.twitter.com/jOEUlXpIju</a></p>
— @297_Aruba_Lover (@297_ArubaLover) <a href="https://twitter.com/297_ArubaLover/status/1298015402837118987?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 24, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">This weird thing keeps happening in Trump ads where the VO says, "this is Joe Biden's America," and it's over recent video footage which is, quite literally, TRUMP'S America.</p>
— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) <a href="https://twitter.com/Mikel_Jollett/status/1298127779393753088?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 25, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Jerry Falwell Jr steps down, says he wants to spend more time watching his family.</p>
— Chris Regan (@ChrisRRegan) <a href="https://twitter.com/ChrisRRegan/status/1298004257711382528?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 24, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">In this Ohio bar, everyone watches their wife have sex with the pool boy</p>
— New York Times Pitchbot (@DougJBalloon) <a href="https://twitter.com/DougJBalloon/status/1298064919166951424?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 25, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Today in a Zoom class my professor casually mentioned her cat and one brave student spoke up: <a href="https://t.co/C00eCYQydb">pic.twitter.com/C00eCYQydb</a></p>
— Sean Brewster (@TheSeanBrewster) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheSeanBrewster/status/1298107347894587392?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 25, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<strong>August 25</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Isaac Newton: finally i've figured out gravity<br>
<br>
Dairy Queen employee: here's ur blizzard [flips it]<br>
<br>
Isaac: are you fucking k-</p>
— Glenn (@Shenaniglenns) <a href="https://twitter.com/Shenaniglenns/status/1298277938656432130?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 25, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">It's weird when a hot person likes the song Jolene. It's like, you're Jolene..</p>
— Jared Goldstein (@heyjaredhey) <a href="https://twitter.com/heyjaredhey/status/1298418081761353732?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 26, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Historically very untrue lol <a href="https://t.co/dTOACSZj3Y">https://t.co/dTOACSZj3Y</a></p>
— Tobi Haslett (@TobiHaslett) <a href="https://twitter.com/TobiHaslett/status/1298413396489056256?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 26, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">my onlyfans? you mean my parents</p>
— Gwen Thomas (@gwenthomas33) <a href="https://twitter.com/gwenthomas33/status/1298424438103216128?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 26, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">sincerely do not get why straight women spend their time on here complaining about the men they date. my bf made me watch him try on cargo pants and said "these pockets will be so great, in case we find a rock or something." love it. no notes</p>
— I hope this is satire... (@sablaah) <a href="https://twitter.com/sablaah/status/1298409046849007616?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 25, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Didn't she used to sell that Wap? <a href="https://t.co/ahgIf96S6a">https://t.co/ahgIf96S6a</a></p>
— iamcardib (@iamcardib) <a href="https://twitter.com/iamcardib/status/1298462950819131393?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 26, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">This was a speech against nepotism. <a href="https://t.co/Kgdqwv2mTF">pic.twitter.com/Kgdqwv2mTF</a></p>
— Rory Cooper (@rorycooper) <a href="https://twitter.com/rorycooper/status/1298433580348182530?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 26, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Just put Skype out of business <a href="https://t.co/h4Y9O8WCzb">pic.twitter.com/h4Y9O8WCzb</a></p>
— decent pigeon (@decentbirthday) <a href="https://twitter.com/decentbirthday/status/1298350046937788418?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 25, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<strong>August 26</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Hey guys, wanna feel old?<br>
<br>
I'm 40.<br>
<br>
You're welcome.</p>
— Macaulay Culkin (@IncredibleCulk) <a href="https://twitter.com/IncredibleCulk/status/1298730289737293824?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 26, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">"aspiring cop" is an interesting way to say terrorist <a href="https://t.co/6XCOiKLF2d">https://t.co/6XCOiKLF2d</a></p>
— discount pete davidson (@Keefler_Elf) <a href="https://twitter.com/Keefler_Elf/status/1298691530509684741?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 26, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Man. When CNN's fact checker <a href="https://twitter.com/ddale8?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@ddale8</a> gets into his rhythm, he IS the firehose of falsehood. Watch: <a href="https://t.co/lzYnQ5xAjf">pic.twitter.com/lzYnQ5xAjf</a></p>
— Jay Rosen (@jayrosen_nyu) <a href="https://twitter.com/jayrosen_nyu/status/1298832342774149122?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 27, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Weird. So many bots saying the same thing <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/NBA?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#NBA</a> <a href="https://t.co/JrVY90oX4h">pic.twitter.com/JrVY90oX4h</a></p>
— Quentin Quarantino (@jdubbsimms) <a href="https://twitter.com/jdubbsimms/status/1298731698725814280?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 26, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">On Monday night, Trump gave his national platform to a white man who used an AR-15 to terrorize BLM protesters.<br>
<br>
On Tuesday night, a white man used an AR-15 to murder two BLM protesters.<br>
<br>
But please, carry on praising RNC optics.</p>
— Matt McDermott (@mattmfm) <a href="https://twitter.com/mattmfm/status/1298719126567809024?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 26, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<strong>August 27</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">This was so weird. <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/RNC2020?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#RNC2020</a> <a href="https://t.co/YHReTl0bfT">pic.twitter.com/YHReTl0bfT</a></p>
— Dana Goldberg (@DGComedy) <a href="https://twitter.com/DGComedy/status/1299171443905761280?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Melania's fashion choices always send a message <a href="https://t.co/FvriwnX0fR">pic.twitter.com/FvriwnX0fR</a></p>
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheDailyShow/status/1299177915028996096?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">This is Ted Bundy doing the dishes <a href="https://t.co/ncKKJYVi73">https://t.co/ncKKJYVi73</a> <a href="https://t.co/jcszmmSLSQ">pic.twitter.com/jcszmmSLSQ</a></p>
— Vanessa McKee (@vmenendezb) <a href="https://twitter.com/vmenendezb/status/1299026485089533954?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 27, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">the Canadian government says we have to drink beer at a cottage for 2 weeks because we have California on us <a href="https://t.co/QVClCK07KM">pic.twitter.com/QVClCK07KM</a></p>
— Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) <a href="https://twitter.com/matt_obrien/status/1299097177478791180?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 27, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">holy shit every single audience member caught it? <a href="https://t.co/9cX3B4VhW9">https://t.co/9cX3B4VhW9</a></p>
— Prank Stallone (@theCJS) <a href="https://twitter.com/theCJS/status/1299096899463426049?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 27, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

Vish Khanna

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: August 27, 2020

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