This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: August 26, 2016
Me: I want a dice.— Steve vs Ninjas (@stevevsninjas) August 19, 2016
Clerk: The correct term is 'die'.
Me: I want 2 die.
Clerk: Plural is dice, alone it's die.
Me: I want 2 die alone.
Don't call me boo you're appropriating ghost culture— Tranquila (@LUSHHFOREVER) August 20, 2016
"What do we want?"— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) August 21, 2016
"Autocorrect to stop making us look stupid by changing simple words in our text."
"When do we want it?"
I'm stuck somewhere between having it together & some assembly required.— Freud's Tombstone (@Freudstombstone) August 23, 2016
Bored? Inject some drama into your day with a Tori Amos situation-altering posture. On the bus, the toilet, at work— pic.twitter.com/Hpcx0ELh4y— Kristin (@FeralCrone) August 23, 2016
waiter: welcome to twitter. chef's special today is medium well harambe jokes.— BJ🐶✌🏽 (@iamburtjarvis) August 23, 2016
me: can i get it well done?
waiter: no such thing.
"Ryan Lochte? I haven't heard that name in years," states Ryan Lochte, boldly lighting the wrong end of a cigarette— Mayor P (@punmagnate) August 24, 2016
ME: I want to ring the bell— Floyd (@dafloydsta) August 25, 2016
MANAGER: We don't actually have one
ME: *slides over counter and grabs mic* TACO BELL IS A TACO OF LIES
The Giraffe is the Zoo animal I'm most sad for, constantly being able to see the way out.— Mark Forward (@MarkForwardd) August 26, 2016