Game 6, the pervert lemon licks, haphazardly launched sticks, tying messages to bricks, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

August 18

This pervert lemon is perfect pic.twitter.com/A8Axk0pIa4
— Heather *Dad* Vaughan (@H_vonn) August 19, 2023

Sorry, but the haphazard way the sticks are being launched into the Twister ice lollies (or whatever they're called here) is killing me 🤣 pic.twitter.com/6UATHcbClZ
— Garry McC (@TheGMcConnachie) August 18, 2023

It's 45 years since the best ever account of an attempted crime.

From the Edinburgh Evening News, 18 August 1978. pic.twitter.com/liRGRlPi4K
— Anna Mazzola (@Anna_Mazz) August 18, 2023

Just saw a woman taking down a Missing Dog poster holding, on a very bright yellow leash, the dog from the poster.
— Lulu Miller (@lmillernpr) August 18, 2023

Me: 'I should try dating again'

My cousin: pic.twitter.com/bANxaUksXR
— medium sized honkers (@punkboobz) August 18, 2023

The unemployed be so comfortable https://t.co/8sDowdO3IQ
— Big Sev 🥀 (@PrinceCharmer_) August 18, 2023

Being released from the shackles of espn and exercising my first amendment rights to finally announce that Barbara walters kicked my ass https://t.co/qrb5lgi6dV
— JEFF (@jeffisrael25) August 18, 2023

When Barbara Walters trends, this is required tweeting: pic.twitter.com/ICJfpmq68t
— BigBlueWaveUSA® 🇺🇸🌊🇺🇦 (@BigBlueWaveUSA) August 19, 2023

So disappointing - we'd just dusted off the lectern. https://t.co/yDVP7uHLV6
— Four Seasons Total Landscaping (@TotalSeasons) August 18, 2023

Politics: Summer 2023 pic.twitter.com/yQq6aoXZPP
— Keith Stewart (@climatekeith) August 18, 2023

*forest fires burning three provinces worth of land*
*hurricane going to hit California*
*massive flooding
*devastating drought conditions affecting livestock and crops*
*flooding killing Nova Scotians*
Our government: If we don't give oil execs handjobs our society will implode
— 🔫 Scott Martin (Pinko Punko) 🛼 (@YouCaughtScott) August 18, 2023

pic.twitter.com/PI9kPK5kSI
— Unusual Videos (@UnusualVideos) August 18, 2023

Before jumping to conclusions about Doug Ford not using his government phone for months during the height of the pandemic, let's keep in mind it's possible he just wasn't working.
— David Pumpkin Spice Socialist Moscrop 🎃 (@David_Moscrop) August 18, 2023

i can't wrap my head around the fact that Peanut M&Ms are the best candy in the world while regular M&Ms are the worst candy in the world
— Rob DenBleyker (@RobDenBleyker) August 18, 2023

Italian couple fighting in front of me and the guy is holding two ice creams so the girl can move her hands around while shouting
— mariana (@pastapilled) August 18, 2023

La peli sin fin pic.twitter.com/Apwd3OMlwl
— Techno Gadgets (@GadgetsVirales) August 18, 2023

August 19

I think Bob Dylan should play the super bowl half time show this year.
— Allison Rapp (@allisonrapp22) August 19, 2023

It is so fuckin funny that theres a mustache you cant have. Theres a forbidden kind of mustache
— budum (@TimAllenItalian) August 20, 2023

imagine catching a Lana del stray https://t.co/meoVRewzA0
— zack t witte r PhD (gumbo shrimp) (@zack69k) August 19, 2023

what the fuck pic.twitter.com/5BdEww1mo7
— america's lounge singer (@KrangTNelson) August 19, 2023

Jesus fucking christ pic.twitter.com/5aHPla5pRa
— Dénis B. Huppert (french era 🇫🇷) (@dennisbhooper) August 19, 2023

can't stop watching this. laughing every time at how comical all the sounds are pic.twitter.com/d0SogKIZRP
— kelbin (@pissboymcgee) August 19, 2023

Just astounding stuff here pic.twitter.com/LXPXKK5DeJ
— matthew ellis (@matthiasellis) August 20, 2023

Got some questions for the @GOP.

Is Biden the penis or does Biden suck the penis? Or are you saying Biden sucks his own penis? Also the jizz says "My kids." Who's kids? Bidens? Yours? The kids holding the sign?

The GOP really has to be clearer with their messaging. pic.twitter.com/bLon1ftjM2
— Mr. Newberger (@jeremynewberger) August 19, 2023

truly the best headline ever crafted pic.twitter.com/Q2wikaUl4j
— jess jordan on kendall's phone (@buttcasino) August 19, 2023

One survived. https://t.co/GuBLPeWtkQ
— Jemaine Clement (@AJemaineClement) August 19, 2023

Raging fires, thousands evacuated, Emergency declared in province of BC. Poilievre is rushing to BC to be there Monday... to hold a rally... to ax 'the Trudeau carbon tax'... which BC doesn't even pay.
Pierre Poilievre is not here for Canada, he's here for himself.
— Mike Morris (@1MikeMorris) August 19, 2023

don't worry guys. the climate change hurricanes will put out the climate change fires.
— Ally Maynard (@missmayn) August 19, 2023

Pierre Poilievre cancels his anti-carbon pricing rally because of wildfires fueled by climate change. You can't make it up.

Just remember this when it comes time to vote. #ClimateEmergency pic.twitter.com/j7XsNnaiZX
— Catherine McKenna (@cathmckenna) August 19, 2023

I have some very bad news about the rest of your life https://t.co/oiRoCNFALB
— Andrew Dessler (@AndrewDessler) August 19, 2023

It really is absolutely wild that Prince William - the whole President of the English Football Association - is skipping a World Cup final where England is competing. Just unreal.
— Franklin Leonard (@franklinleonard) August 20, 2023

I will never forget Judd Apatow saying "He could've killed him" about the Oscars slap
— Larry Fitzmaurice (@lfitzmaurice) August 19, 2023

In this era of increased misinformation and distrust in the media it's reassuring to know piranhas really do behave exactly like the cartoons pic.twitter.com/v97vtWWvdT
— Liam (@LegoRacers2) August 19, 2023

are YOU the next big horrible piece of shit pic.twitter.com/SgVFZcWTnu
— Dan Douglas (@dandouglas) August 19, 2023

oh my god tunnel gal is still at it pic.twitter.com/KGw8oS6Zxp
— sean mcguire (@seanw_m) August 19, 2023

The Presto machine is loud as HELL when you ain't got the funds
— Jordan A. Hayles (@MR_STiXX) August 19, 2023

August 20

If this isn't the energy at the function I want no part of it pic.twitter.com/MecQaJ9w9E
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) August 21, 2023

I asked my friend in high school to come with me to catholic mass once because I was bored and she was like don't they do animal sacrifices and I was like what the hell are you talking about? but then the day she went with me my church had a bunch of goats tied up outside https://t.co/BISeKcz1yi
— JP (@jpbrammer) August 21, 2023

im crying pic.twitter.com/HUeLzG5Xmy
— Gators Daily 🐊 (@GatorsDaily) August 20, 2023

pic.twitter.com/LNYoMNoMjb https://t.co/Hr3cMP6jPS
— olive (@0liviaolive) August 20, 2023

Fucking Einstein, this guy. Just breathtakingly incisive. pic.twitter.com/pBBV1ljWdM
— Helen Kennedy (@HelenKennedy) August 21, 2023

One of those beautiful sentences where every word makes it funnier pic.twitter.com/Rh1qu2WkT7
— based gizmo 🏳️‍⚧️ (@neverthetories) August 20, 2023

Now THAT's how you do a headline about this subject https://t.co/gcx2ECK8UA
— Matt Zoller Seitz (@mattzollerseitz) August 20, 2023

So you agree, an actor's job doesn't end on set and they should be compensated fairly https://t.co/ImACAOF2C6 pic.twitter.com/kUnXbrCnK0
— Danielle Nicki (@DanielleNicki) August 20, 2023

We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, you can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise, you would threaten the man. https://t.co/BvsAC1CEF3
— A N G U S R A Z E (@ANGUSRAZE) August 20, 2023

An earthquake, tropical storm and tornado on the same day is just sloppy writing and God's way of saying studios should pay the writers.
— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) August 20, 2023

'Hurriquake' is a new one for us, too.
— Merriam-Webster (@MerriamWebster) August 20, 2023

California just did a little shake after taking a huge piss
— Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) August 20, 2023

JUST WALKED PAST A WOMAN EXPLAINING THE WOMEN'S WORLD CUP TO HER BOYFRIEND, WE'VE DONE IT LADIES
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) August 20, 2023

I didn't realise that Prince William's excuse for missing the World Cup final is that he's on holiday!! On holiday from what exactly??? Bffr!!
— Camilla Blackett (@camillard) August 20, 2023

The English women got more in-person support from Spain's Queen Letizia than they did from Prince William, president of the English Football Association. https://t.co/evvatNKWSy
— Charlotte Clymer 🇺🇦 (@cmclymer) August 20, 2023

Notable non-colonizer, Spain https://t.co/pc4SmXdlq5
— Nikolaj🍦🇺🇦 (@nikicaga) August 20, 2023

It's Ok To Pretend You Don't Have Covid Right Now If You're Doing Something Artistic, Cultural, Quirky, Or Just Generally Having A Laugh. pic.twitter.com/y0n37qWimy
— The Vertlartnic (@TheVertlartnic) August 20, 2023

Sidenote, yall ever seen this from the other angle?? pic.twitter.com/Xgb3MfW2J4
— Cocoa Barbie (@CocoaDoe) August 20, 2023

I feel confident that we could convince a not insignificant portion of Republicans that this is not the same man https://t.co/bBDcKkAunu
— Santiago Mayer (@santiagomayer_) August 21, 2023

August 21

When did you first discover the malleability of social reality?

For me, it was when I did my Eagle Scout project (building a boardwalk). I was advised to call up lumberyards and ask for wood for free. I did and the lumberyards were just like "OK"
— Tyler Alterman (@TylerAlterman) August 21, 2023

I was asking for a free house then and I'm still asking for a free house now actually https://t.co/2nGGaKXtEB
— ava (@westcoastwinter) August 21, 2023

Kurt Vonnegut once claimed future generations would look on TV as the lead in the water pipes that slowly drove the Romans mad. I see his point, but it turns out we just had actual lead in the actual water pipes the entire time. pic.twitter.com/oYy899jJ8c
— Aren R. LeBrun (@proustmalone) August 21, 2023

I have to come clean. *I* am the guy who keeps telling Americans that we don't have stuff in Europe.

I'll have a few glasses of wine, get on Reddit and post something like "In France, they don't have texting. People tie their messages to bricks and throw them at each other." https://t.co/TTAX882M8A
— Richy Craven (@RichyCraven) August 21, 2023

there's a flight to maui taking off from my flight to denver and let me tell you the rescue workers waiting to board are giving real side eye to this family talking about their vacation
— ashley ray (@theashleyray) August 21, 2023

It was so much worse than you remember. You have PTSD from Trump's abuse, America pic.twitter.com/7tj1CsY0vk
— Luke Zaleski (@ZaleskiLuke) August 21, 2023

godspeed to the man who just told his girlfriend "there's no need to get so emotional" in the baby clothes section of the supermarket
— madeline odent (@oldenoughtosay) August 21, 2023

women need to accept the mystery https://t.co/EVxUQCGnSC pic.twitter.com/EtYvTs03az
— bobby (@bobby) August 21, 2023

I love when they do scary headlines like "workers want more money" and everyone is just like "yes." https://t.co/TWsCZX3MVC
— Stop Cop City (@JoshuaPHilll) August 21, 2023

If you don't have time to read the excellent NYker piece on Musk here's the cliff notes: Elon cut off Starlink during a battle because he was afraid of hurting Russian troops and wanted to placate Putin whom he very much admires and wants to help.' He's a traitor. @elonmusk
— NoelCaslerComedy🌙 (@caslernoel) August 21, 2023

COMEDIAN DESTROYS HECKLER pic.twitter.com/KgSjIu0P3O
— Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) August 22, 2023

Filmmakers are modern day magicians pic.twitter.com/SURpXE5p39
— gianmarco (@GianmarcoSoresi) August 22, 2023

August 22

WHAT THE HELL https://t.co/9D9hbr3mCk pic.twitter.com/PDAQ2eJd8q
— Hurt CoPain (@SaeedDiCaprio) August 22, 2023

this is how i talk about kendall and shiv roy https://t.co/g4D4SZDhne
— jay (@kendallhosseini) August 22, 2023

Kendall Roy parts ways with Scooter Braun as her manager, THR reports. pic.twitter.com/nE5OaEnI24
— g🍸 (@romanroycunt) August 22, 2023

TGS and The Rural Juror star, Jenna Maroney, has signed with music manager Scooter Braun. pic.twitter.com/p17UjHdExi
— Pete 🏳️‍🌈 (@PeteAscolese) August 22, 2023

International opera sensation Christine Daaé has parted ways with her manager The Phantom (aka Opera Ghost), Billboard reports pic.twitter.com/ojAiqxZKQw
— Tom Zohar (@TomZohar) August 22, 2023

I'm crying https://t.co/x8OKcn9zJ3 pic.twitter.com/OozF926q9E
— Alex Press (@alexnpress) August 22, 2023

Comedian Karl Porter's slow-mo goal celebration. pic.twitter.com/Z69UlYrMF7
— Darin (@settingthetable) August 22, 2023

"Ronan Farrow is trending" is the 'Omar coming' whistle for wealthy white men.
— Camilla Blackett (@camillard) August 22, 2023

new favorite thing a man has ever said to me mid-argument just dropped pic.twitter.com/ngzqrdZxIh
— lauren badillo milici (@motelsiren) August 22, 2023

Thinking about it it's still kinda insane that Greta Gerwig's revolutionary, paradigm shattering ideas that led to a hit movie are things like "We will build an actual set. We will fill it with props. Everyone's costume will physically exist and not be put on in post."
— Jessica Ritchey (jmritchey.bsky.social) (@Ruby_Stevens) August 22, 2023

Saw this yesterday pic.twitter.com/qHfYVLCpvG
— Lucy Dearlove (@dearlucy) August 22, 2023

Wavves is my landlord
Grizzly bear is my therapist
James murphy is my sommelier
Wolf parade is my dogwalker https://t.co/d3kLhgYlnW
— america's local band cheekface (@cheekfaceREAL) August 22, 2023

my prospective therapist only got a 6.1 pitchfork score...i'm gonna go elsewhere
— josh terry (@JoshhTerry) August 22, 2023

This is so beautiful man pic.twitter.com/sGjCQxEwYC
— Jay Willis (@jaywillis) August 22, 2023

Local observers say FEMA has done a good job responding to the Maui wild fires. But in this New York Times staff zoom meeting, they aren't so sure.
— New York Times Pitchbot (@DougJBalloon) August 22, 2023

The recording was just released of the quote https://t.co/IdCxuyVCY4
— Acyn (@Acyn) August 22, 2023

it's so funny six to seven years ago this guy was solemnly considered one of the great public intellectuals of our age pic.twitter.com/RDXNAFvLta
— 红色娘子军🌹 (@detachment_red) August 23, 2023

This is perfect for people like me that want to die in our sleep AND by drowning. https://t.co/93MlLEuFSf
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) August 23, 2023

Landlord discovers that investment contains an element of risk, doesn't like it pic.twitter.com/Rssxm2jc6e
— keewa.bsky.social (@keewa) August 22, 2023

that baby is who runs popcrave https://t.co/KcCkLJUD7S
— popular loner 🤷🏼‍♀️🚶🏼‍♀️ (@milkyy_tweets) August 22, 2023

Shit joke from my stand up act I was almost embarrassed to say but always got tons of laughs
"I'm so unfamiliar with the gym that I should really call it the James"
— Van (@hellothisisivan) August 22, 2023

Doesn't work on any conceivable level pic.twitter.com/jEz2ri3yKH
— Darren Richman (@darrenrichman) August 22, 2023

I dated a zookeeper once. Turned out he had a reptile dysfunction. https://t.co/2EPXruyOkE
— Avian "gradually leaving" Face-Tool 🇮🇪 🇪🇺 (@Beakmoo) August 22, 2023

What if it *was* the funniest joke at the Edinburgh festival though
— Godspeed You Black Tamperer (ft Maya) (@twlldun) August 22, 2023

August 23

i crawled through dung and feed, in the wildcat enclosures of bristol zoo, looking for my boyfriend…. turns out he was a cheetah pic.twitter.com/PH9ezU2wYE
— Stan's Account (@tristandross) August 23, 2023

Did you know that today isn't Thursday? Because I just took my dog to an appointment that she has on Thursday and the guy was like hey man it's Wednesday lol.
— Imani Gandy (Orca's Version) ⚓️ (@AngryBlackLady) August 23, 2023

I love how in breaking bad Gus Fring was on top of the meth game simply because he had basic retail skills
— B0l (@Bolverk15) August 23, 2023

We talk a lot about how Austin Butler can't shake the Elvis accent and not enough about how Jeff Bridges just sort of morphed into Jeff Lebowski 20 years or so ago https://t.co/hw8frcug1i
— AK Lingus (@aklingus) August 23, 2023

LMAO she got deported from Japan for this! 😆😆😆 pic.twitter.com/LOCUwg82SK
— Swann Marcus (@SwannMarcus89) August 23, 2023

Mike drunk ass ain't up at no 5:54 am https://t.co/YeSpfjODDS
— The Anonymous Nobody (@el_budget) August 23, 2023

I'm not calling Stephen a smith a liar but I don't think Michael jordan researched and typed out Stephen curry's 3pt % at 5 in the morning lol
— Eddie Gonzalez (@bansky) August 23, 2023

Truly legendary run pic.twitter.com/iAgiatRCMK
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) August 23, 2023

Broke and destitute, forced to shave in airport bars, resigned to the cheapest hair dye, his apartment up for sale, he wearily makes the trek to meet his fate.

In a private plane. pic.twitter.com/n2W2jT2jYf
— Jack E. Smith ⚖️ (@7Veritas4) August 23, 2023

t-shirt design printing machines currently overheating across all five boroughs https://t.co/ybpxvS5fA3
— no (@zedonarrival) August 23, 2023

pic.twitter.com/fzcFPqcFcd
— Ken Klippenstein (@kenklippenstein) August 23, 2023

How it started / How it's going. pic.twitter.com/XbIMDDz1EZ
— No Lie with Brian Tyler Cohen (@NoLieWithBTC) August 23, 2023

I really like how headline-ese, title formatting, and the name of the album make it sound like he's been announcing a new album every day for the past month pic.twitter.com/ic0qr7i6SW
— Eric Harvey (@ericdharvey) August 23, 2023

okay but the thing about "we didn't start the fire" aside from its evergreen memeability is that he was TRYING to say every generation of young people resent the mess their predecessors left them but some Boomers took the moral of the story to be "nothing has ever been our fault"
— Claire Willett (@clairewillett) August 23, 2023

Nikki Haley is the first candidate to say that climate change IS real and the audience didn't react but it's probably because they just ignore when women speak.
— maura quint (@behindyourback) August 24, 2023

when the moderator asked everyone to put their hands up if they'd still endorse Trump post conviction, DeSantis looked both ways before raising his hand. that's the kind of leadership Americans respect
— Robert Evans (The Only Robert Evans) (@IwriteOK) August 24, 2023

The delay of him trying to smile is insane???

pic.twitter.com/FLscPB9msI
— Keith Edwards (@keithedwards) August 24, 2023

"alright ronnie boy, you can do it, give 'em the ole razzle dazzle"#GOPDebate pic.twitter.com/OiT8ebulut
— discountjessicabiel (@jessysoderbeck) August 24, 2023

Donald Trump is expected to surrender to Fulton County authorities tomorrow, where he will be fingerprinted and have his mug shot taken. When it comes out, I don't want to see anyone being mean to wine mom boomer liberals. Just let them have this.
— Moira Donegan (@MoiraDonegan) August 23, 2023

🤣 pic.twitter.com/V7w3GW34VK
— Mueller, She Wrote (@MuellerSheWrote) August 23, 2023

We lost 35,000 people to the mosquito pic.twitter.com/M6fxLxl06P
— Marie Bardi (@mariebardi) August 24, 2023

Not a great headline for the Fox audience. pic.twitter.com/oYkwthVJjK
— Ron Filipkowski (@RonFilipkowski) August 23, 2023

My entire feed: Vivek is a grating, hyperactive, lying monster. And on cue- pic.twitter.com/BIxrSByc7o
— Eli Valley (@elivalley) August 24, 2023

August 24

Bros are usually thought of as white. But a new generation of douchebags like Vivek Ramaswamy are challenging that stereotype.
— New York Times Pitchbot (@DougJBalloon) August 24, 2023

What's funny is that Vivek is going to campaign with furious Debate Bro energy for six nonstop months and then Trump will casually refer to him as "Rama-smarmy, or whatever" and he'll immediately turn to dust
— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) August 24, 2023

You guys are really talented. #TrumpMugShot pic.twitter.com/PmNQJ8xA5o
— Alex Cole (@acnewsitics) August 24, 2023

Why does a billionaire need the help of a bonding company? https://t.co/chszjDiF19
— Bradley P. Moss (@BradMossEsq) August 24, 2023

Trump self-reporting he's 6-3, 215 is like when the doctor asks me how many alcoholic drinks I have in a week and I say two.
— Jemele Hill (@jemelehill) August 25, 2023

FYI, Muhammad Ali's recorded height and weight this day was 6'3 216. pic.twitter.com/Ramvym6y0h
— Spiro's Ghost (@AntiToxicPeople) August 25, 2023

As a stand-up comedian the goal is to get a microphone sponsorship
— ben stager (@bennnnst) August 24, 2023

Lol theyre really going with this pic.twitter.com/1DvLv1zTny
— Joe Kassabian (@JoeKassabian) August 24, 2023

I've been thinking why conservative covid commentary is so funny and it's because you're watching a crying toddler imagine himself a brave dissident https://t.co/FQQCHZacE6
— First generation home renter (@InternetHippo) August 24, 2023

"the bbc didn't say it, he said it himself!" pic.twitter.com/O1c1HbtWBE
— Hurt CoPain (@SaeedDiCaprio) August 24, 2023

Wow, there's the headline on forcing people back to the office I never thought I'd see. https://t.co/9GlJi7mS7Z
— Stop Cop City (@JoshuaPHilll) August 24, 2023

kendall roy ass tweet https://t.co/7OTrqlWMPh
— meg succession text posts (@successtextpost) August 24, 2023

WE ARE SO BACK https://t.co/5gvyNJewUS pic.twitter.com/kgUT2hImyK
— Hurt CoPain (@SaeedDiCaprio) August 25, 2023

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: August 25, 2023

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