COVID-19 Basics, the Suez Canal stasis, white boy summer faces, is Lil Nas X persuasive, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

March 26

Am I...am I about to fight these bagels? pic.twitter.com/jrdiJkipRT
— Bradford Pearson (@BradfordPearson) March 26, 2021

y'all ever laughed during a test bc you ain't know what was going on 😭
— 𝙰𝚒𝚛𝚢🧜🏽‍♀️ (@airymonettt) March 26, 2021

pic.twitter.com/CDkIbZaxQ8
— Sean Tuffy (@SMTuffy) March 26, 2021

BEASTIE BOYS: You spent spring break only drinkin Mezcal / You CAN'T get your BOAT out of the Suez CANAL
— James Urbaniak (@JamesUrbaniak) March 27, 2021

sorry i'm late there was this fucking cargo ship
— Rachel (@femaleredhead) March 26, 2021

Are boats... unionizing? https://t.co/aOAlZH8oxW
— Isaac Fitzgerald🤞🏻🖤 (@IsaacFitzgerald) March 26, 2021

I physically can not imagine Chet Hanks and Tom Hanks talking to eachother
— Kevin MickGinny (@KevMacGint) March 27, 2021

Even the best comedian in the world could never come up with a joke as funny as just a normal thought Chet Hanks has. His brain belongs on a museum https://t.co/87OrXsl96s
— DJ Horse Jeans (@Horse_Jeans) March 27, 2021

"Old Town Road" was number 1 in the country for a million weeks in a row and nobody turned into a cowboy. @LilNasX throwing ass to the devil not gonna make you suck any more dick than you already wanted to suck, champ.
— Felonious Munk 🇪🇹 (@Felonious_munk) March 27, 2021

I asked my child if he saw the Lil Nas X video. He said "Yeah. Man. He ain't shy at all" LMAO. I said "They gonna be saying its turning the kids gay." He said "I mean...if that's how it works, couldn't we just watch a Megan video to turn us straight? This is stupid."

SO
— L. Fisherman (@D0MXNXQUE) March 26, 2021

I encourage anyone who thinks of maternity leave as "time off" to get hit by a truck, ingest 9 tons of hormones, and then stay awake for 3-6 months while trying to feed a newborn with your broken body.
— priyanka mattoo (@naanking) March 26, 2021

Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the lord pic.twitter.com/dRwoj4Qi3h
— Azure (@aguyuno) March 26, 2021

March 27

who tf decided to call it "emotional baggage" and not "griefcase" ???
— billiam jaron. (@Will_daReal) March 27, 2021

Imagine getting off a 10hr shift and going home to kids...I'd walk right past them
— MS.JAZZYBELLE SWIM (@MsJazzybelle) March 28, 2021

"I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink."*
- Matthew 25:35

*Offer not valid in Georgia.
— Amy Washburn (@AIWashburn) March 28, 2021

I think Black creators should just stop creating content for like a good 6 months and just observe what these people come up with https://t.co/xJiXRnUdcX
— Annalise Keating (@Ariannnyy_) March 27, 2021

Re: Lil Nas X's New Song

When you traumatize a whole generation (and more) of kids with the concept of a literal hell (something Jesus never preached) don't be surprised if they grow up, realize it was a control technique and then use the imagery to make a point in their art.
— Ashley Easter (@ashleymeaster) March 28, 2021

This Snoop Dogg story from the Seth Rogen GQ article is 😳 pic.twitter.com/fExu33VgwT
— Daniel Lunsford, maladroit plumber (@peachfish42) March 27, 2021

if u ever feel insecure just remember that there is at least one couple where your name is a sensitive topic. kinda sexy of you to be that important
— kat daddy (@spacebrat_) March 27, 2021

tik tok really be out here saving lives. they have this former secret service agent giving advice on how not to get abducted. & he said "men never ask for help if a man asks you for help you need to run"
— Ryanne (@ryanneashleigh) March 28, 2021

March 28

Dec 2020: we've invented Covid vaccines within a year, that's amazing

Feb 2021: wow we've landed a craft on Mars, that's incredible

March 2021: please, the big boat, it's very stuck
— Dr Alice Lilly (@aliceolilly) March 28, 2021

he could move that boat i know he could pic.twitter.com/8xbDOIU5HS
— soup (@soupinhercan) March 28, 2021

Ok ok ok, just hear me out: pic.twitter.com/HdnTxIU1p7
— Ŧɭเק (@Flip5ide666) March 28, 2021

No more Suez canal jokes. That ship has sailed. You missed the boat.
— Sridhar Ramesh (@RadishHarmers) March 29, 2021

"white boy summer" was an early rejected name for the great gatsby
— Christopher Hooks (@cd_hooks) March 28, 2021

putting this on my vision board for white boy summer pic.twitter.com/lrsblaQhSf
— haroId in paris (@gaysex420) March 29, 2021

"But what if Elmo is just singing along to Elmo's favorite song? Can Elmo say it then?" pic.twitter.com/AymNGPdMYz
— Ol' QWERTY Bastard (@TheDillonOne) March 29, 2021

what's the word for when you're very smart but can't remember anything and know literally nothing
— rachelle toarmino (@rchlltrmn) March 28, 2021

After I say "that's crazy" twice, please wrap up your story.
— caleb👑 (@swiflock) March 28, 2021

christians be mad asf about the devil like they didn't make that mf up
— immaterial shae ☭ (@commiewife) March 28, 2021

March 29

satanic panic in the middle of a plague i love renaissance fairs
— 𓁺 (@dunwaIl) March 29, 2021

Love seeing Christians be like "I can't believe LGBTQ teens are worshipping Satan instead of our nice god who hates them"
— Jeff Kasanoff (@JeffKasanoff) March 29, 2021

I had to go back and take a picture because I knew nobody would believe that this is a real sign outside Atlanta. pic.twitter.com/ZA5t317vrr
— Sergeant Pup (@SergeantPup) March 29, 2021

This is literally the plot of Bring It On https://t.co/SVT6pw0nx4
— Ashley K. (@AshleyKSmalls) March 29, 2021

doug ford really just donald trump with a tim hortons rewards card
— dij season (@DijahSB) March 29, 2021

Can someone remind TV and Film that mixed race couples don't have to include a white person
— Riz Moritz (@RizMoritz) March 29, 2021

When will it end pic.twitter.com/laLwDcR6ly
— evelyn (@morrisseysgay) March 30, 2021

pic.twitter.com/qK9BN8V0tb
— dawn wℹ︎ck (@dawn2021) March 30, 2021

"Dad isn't it weird that the word chicken can mean an animal or a type of food?"

- my kid, on the verge of making a horrific realization
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) March 29, 2021

They are on a phone call pic.twitter.com/XmwSYuNqRd
— Jake (@CaledfwIch_) March 30, 2021

This is so f***ed pic.twitter.com/VcEwDnrsLD
— The Democrats 🍥 ᶠᵃᵏᵉ (@BanishedBernie) March 29, 2021

Amazon didn't even really try with this one lol pic.twitter.com/Q9dyTzKqns
— Tim Sullivan 🐋 (@timjsully) March 29, 2021

hi guys, just logging on to say i love to work in my job at amazon warehouse. my name is nape. i am 29.75 years existing. moving boxes is my favorite human pastime. i urinate frequently and always in the small white being known as toirlet. please do not give me the human rights!
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) March 29, 2021

March 30

"can we contact your previous employer to find out what you were like on the job?" sure as long as i can contact your previous employee to find out what you did to drive them away
— Robert Schultz (@_RobertSchultz) March 30, 2021

This man is a legend https://t.co/kKpP5fqlY9
— Black Teej (@Less_HumbleTeej) March 30, 2021

the "pleasure to have in class" to overly active twitter user pipeline
— anja (@internetanja) March 30, 2021

me tweeting pic.twitter.com/8IFY9awUfr
— 🌻 (@kingmick_xx) March 30, 2021

Last night at 11pm we took Zara to A&E because we thought she swollowed my fucking airpod. I got an airpod tracker app so when I put it on her tummy it said 100% and could track it. Waited a pissing hour for the doctor to see her and the doctor found it in her fucking pocket. 😭
— chlo (@chlllllo) March 30, 2021

ATTENTION DON'T DRINK WATER AFTER EATING FISH!!!!!!!! the water may cause the fish to swim and then u will feel glubbluglglugu glugublublgu in ur tummy
— lala 🧸 (reborn) (@lolitaguts) March 30, 2021

Watching Godzilla vs. Kong. pic.twitter.com/PvwkmQYcpG
— Danny Neary (@itsdannyneary) March 31, 2021

March 31

one of my friends was an extra on the godzilla v kong movie and they said the two of them are actually good friends and were cracking jokes in between the fight scenes on set
— greta gerNIG (@NILES100) April 1, 2021

I cannot believe the masked singer is real. It seems like a fake tv show they watch in a tv show. Every time I see a clip I feel scared
— Allison O'Conor (@allisonoconor) March 31, 2021

To be fair, Spin Doctors are exactly who I'd ask to help out with Two Princes. https://t.co/vAjhBHqgUo
— Jeremy Woodcock (@jwPencilAndPad) March 31, 2021

Thinking about my favorite Conan bit pic.twitter.com/hia7w3HiPm
— Mr. Chau (@Srirachachau) March 31, 2021

cops be like "I was scared so I killed everyone there"
— ''Memory'' (remix) Grizabella ft. Griselda (@PrettyBadLefty) April 1, 2021

This poor guy pic.twitter.com/KCmxpZQotB
— Katelyn Burns (@transscribe) March 31, 2021

"O'clock"?? So time is Irish now?? Gimme a fucking break...
— Nick Nemeroff (@nicknemeroff) March 31, 2021

anytime i see someone use a reaction gif i immediately know they are above the age of 33
— jenny (@jennygzhang) March 31, 2021

Johnson & Johnson used their experience making 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner to design their vaccine.
— Sridhar Ramesh (@RadishHarmers) March 31, 2021

April 1

I love capitalism. I think it rocks. pic.twitter.com/hoSH5OYSVK
— Diego Lopez (@thisdiegolopez) April 1, 2021

the year is 2022. ontario is in super duper emergency brake colour mauve (only places reviewed by blogto can be open). vaccine eligibility is anyone who's seen neil young live.
— Jill Krajewski (@JillKrajewski) April 1, 2021

Imagine writing a bop that slaps so hard that, for the rest of human history, no one even TRIES to write another song about hot cross buns.
— Chris Schleicher (@cschleichsrun) April 1, 2021

Be careful online today. This is the one day a year when people post false information on the internet
— Alex Blechman (@AlexBlechman) April 1, 2021

I think April Fools' Day is kind of nice. It's sweet that we take a whole day every year to celebrate the jokes of people who aren't funny.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) April 1, 2021

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: April 2, 2021

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