April 6
Henry Rollins and shelves. A thread. pic.twitter.com/hwnpOcgDLS
— Simon (@iamsimonyoung) April 6, 2019
I hope it's not because he has windmill cancer. https://t.co/h8oPmB2MIN
— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) April 6, 2019
April 7
The longest human tunnel traveled through by a dog skateboarder is 30 people and was achieved by Otto the Skateboarding Bulldog in Lima, Peru, on November 8 2015. 👏😱 pic.twitter.com/51x9Wa7y74
— ANDREW ALBERTT (@ANDREW1ALBERTT) April 7, 2019
I wish they took your photo on emotional rollercoasters too
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) April 7, 2019
When I'm at the grocery store I like to move the baby carrots so they're closer to the mommy and daddy carrots.
— norm sousa (@normsousa) April 7, 2019
Amy Poehler's Sarah Palin Rap - Requested by Exclaimcomedy pic.twitter.com/4HCCPqRSlB
— SNL Snippets (@SNLSnippets) April 7, 2019
April 8
Attention: If you or a loved one were recently disintegrated along with half of all life in the universe, you may to be entitled to financial compensation pic.twitter.com/TyzuCPKu7O
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) April 8, 2019
I've accidentally set up push notifications for the BBC science magazine and it's like being followed about by an inquisitive but annoying child pic.twitter.com/xVgCR5ivdo
— James Colley (@JamColley) April 8, 2019
ME: is this coupon still valid?
— the average joe (@jazz_inmypants) April 8, 2019
PRISON GUARD: [examining get out of jail free card] i mean it looks good
A study in being a good person and aging pic.twitter.com/zmeAB5SRJV
— Jensen Karp (@JensenKarp) April 9, 2019
April 9
Spelling Bee Contestant spells the word "Business" with Will Forte - requested by guccifrogsplash pic.twitter.com/OBp6lAlq3C
— SNL Snippets (@SNLSnippets) April 9, 2019
WOW this article delivered exactly as promised https://t.co/8Ze9ogXZVU
— Dr Sarah Taber (@SarahTaber_bww) April 9, 2019
ice t is the only person in the world who has figured out how to correctly use this website https://t.co/ASpbNaT3OA
— Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) April 9, 2019
.@TedLieu just played Candace Owens' comments on Hitler and nationalism during the hearing on white nationalism.
— jordan (@JordanUhl) April 9, 2019
She looks less than pleased. pic.twitter.com/AwOLiGhQkK
me: i'm terrified of random letters
— magnet (@arcadeseals) April 9, 2019
therapist: you are?
me: [screams]
therapist: oh i see
me: [screaming intensifies]
April 10
1940's - nazi party
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) April 10, 2019
1950's - tupperware party
1960's - black panther party
1970's - key party
1980's - keg party
1990's - pokemon party
2000's - Y2K party
2010's - measles party
2020's - nazi party?
Watch this for your morning laugh. @RepThomasMassie is apparently serious but this is the dumbest line of questioning in committee this year, and that's hard to do. pic.twitter.com/QIuaPuzCbA
— Bakari Sellers (@Bakari_Sellers) April 10, 2019
It's almost as if someone said "Congress has hit rock bottom" and Massie replies with "hold my beer." https://t.co/UtkOHFwnlz
— John Kerry (@JohnKerry) April 10, 2019
April 11
You can do something about climate change.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) April 11, 2019
You won't, though.
How Game of Thrones ends: pic.twitter.com/Iadt1RUztu
— Elizabeth Bear (@matociquala) April 11, 2019
I have no idea what this movie is and I don't want anyone to ever tell me https://t.co/kHAoZFroFn
— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) April 11, 2019
First video of a black hole and what happens when you cross the event horizon. pic.twitter.com/JbMuHvkE38
— Awwwww (@AwwwwCats) April 11, 2019
April 12
Is anyone noticing that people have seemed to forget how to act in public? A woman just violently shook my (thankfully) locked washroom stall door at my gym and said "THIS IS THE STALL I WANT." There's another eating chicken parm on the bench in the bathroom. WHAT IS HAPPENING.
— Megan Pettit (@meganshpettit) April 12, 2019
MY MOM: stop crying over spilled milk
— MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) April 12, 2019
ME: *crying because my father died from slipping in spilled milk* I hate u and ur stupid boyfriend Greg
