April 3
Tried to type "this is my go time" and autocorrect changed it to "this is my mug prime" and honestly, I'm doing better with mugs than life.
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) April 3, 2016
April 4
Best time to nap is after a nap and right before a probably-another-nap.
— Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) April 4, 2016
April 5
Trust me you want 'heels over head' in love. 'Head over heels' in love is just standing.
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) April 5, 2016
April 6
Trump has a long history of saying horrible things about women, even his 1-yr-old daughter. https://t.co/qlBkflQN1Bhttps://t.co/JQKRGVWEV3
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) April 6, 2016
April 7
.@FoxNews smell in stall next 2 me is obviously coming from a "trans" butthole& I am now horny even tho I am a small business dad⛪️??
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) April 7, 2016
April 8
My friend was telling me that her breastfeeding baby ignores her smaller tit and then added "just like my ex boyfriends"
— Megan Pettit (@meganshpettit) April 9, 2016
April 9
April 10The magic of Middle Earth lives on... pic.twitter.com/INW23AGgEV
— Jeff Loveness (@JeffLoveness) April 10, 2016
hangover level: crying about how a dog i just saw will never truly understand its own beauty
— monica heisey (@monicaheisey) April 10, 2016