Tomatoes trying to sneak out, we fr about, Eric Adams loses clout, huge backpack on a sprout, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

September 20

this is literally the best tiktok I've ever seen pic.twitter.com/2E7zBr4vK7
— 𝔏𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔰 (@InsaneMistress) September 21, 2024

ORDERING WENDYS AND pic.twitter.com/VzTdhAlWNB
— a (@_Mani_inaM_) September 20, 2024

This "range" is what acting is supposed to be rather than being stuck in the same role for 20 years. https://t.co/aIbLL6XHV2
— 🫀𝔇 𝔦 𝔰 𝔪 𝔞 𝔯 𝔩 𝔲 𝔱 𝔱 𝔢 (@Marlutte1) September 20, 2024

it's everyday i think about how jeremy came in full on red from head to toe pic.twitter.com/ybU8nuPBkZ
— lys :3 (@jereboyf) September 20, 2024

The Band at our hotel said they would only play "Satisfaction" for him if he got up & danced!! Watch this if you want to smile 💕🥰😍 pic.twitter.com/OKeng0r6SN
— Karrie 💚 (@karriecakes) September 20, 2024

huge day in brunette with bangs history pic.twitter.com/FqY5Z3lz9Q
— Han🦩🍉 (@Guilty_as_Han) September 20, 2024

Bruce Wayne's parents named him after Springsteen https://t.co/q0ANbmQpM1
— Kenny Keil (@kennykeil) September 20, 2024

Perfect excuse to post one of my favorite movie costumes of all time https://t.co/CFyGj0ThNf pic.twitter.com/kDWoMEIWrT
— Cora Harrington (@CoraCHarrington) September 20, 2024

I think about this cartoon a lot. pic.twitter.com/MByAJmbIQo
— Michael Thomas (@curious_founder) September 20, 2024

two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like "omg we should totally start a pamphlet"
— chase (@_chase_____) September 21, 2024

having someone over to your apartment is so intimate. it's like welcome! so this is all my stuff
— chase (@_chase_____) September 20, 2024

I shit you not the miracle is fucking houses pic.twitter.com/DvjGGKCIR7
— Dara M Wilson (@DaraMWilson) September 21, 2024

max pic.twitter.com/H6W3lyfPkn
— BOOM (@mikesguitarpick) September 20, 2024

The "I" in LGBTQIA+ is for Italian https://t.co/Z1gh3ggI8U
— 🖤Lisa Ann Wollstonecraft🖤 (@LisaAnnCraft) September 20, 2024

the person who sees your vibrator as a threat and not a collaborator is not your soulmate
— ˖ ࣪⟡𝕭𝖑𝖆𝖟𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖔𝖙𝖍⟡ ࣪˖ (@Blazingoth) September 20, 2024

September 21

sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. like this email truly should've been a meeting.
— Em (@EmAsInMoney) September 21, 2024

Hey, young men planning on voting for Trump:

The GOP wants to ban condoms and abortion.

Hope you're ready to be a father!
— Skyler Johnson (@SkylerforNY) September 22, 2024

thinking about the time i went play putt putt and this was the first course pic.twitter.com/BJrEkdgsoD
— bec 🪄🐇 (@chaproan) September 22, 2024

I know a Batmobile when I see one https://t.co/u7KZ8R8ckc
— Big Broody Judy 😒 (@jTwiced) September 22, 2024

When I say comedy plays a pivotal role in our political discourse this is what I mean. pic.twitter.com/RqvrHLquHE
— Renee 🪷 (@PettyLupone) September 21, 2024

Hey Nick, quick question:

Why is Kamala's teleprompter placed behind her and directly in front of Oprah? https://t.co/Wglq32N2EM
— Micah Erfan (@micah_erfan) September 22, 2024

Had to check 3 times to make sure this wasn't poo crave https://t.co/lWpdv9TV3h
— Tom Zohar (@TomZohar) September 21, 2024

😂 pic.twitter.com/cbI4b9aFBI
— Al Green (@algreen) September 21, 2024

crying we fr about to do this https://t.co/7t9As8mhkl pic.twitter.com/31dBDAln3Z
— weav (parody) (@not_weav) September 21, 2024

Saw this on Reddit and it's so true pic.twitter.com/EFkComaksH
— Josh Martin 🛫 (@JoshDMartin) September 22, 2024

This guy is really tall https://t.co/CcHdgQByBM
— d (@2022WSCHAMPIONS) September 22, 2024

menswear guy has entire hockey teams begging him for mercy pic.twitter.com/tkrZgQEek9
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) September 22, 2024

in the 90s, you could be mostly unemployed and living with your parents, but still be very well dressed pic.twitter.com/6UALPFzaqO
— derek guy (@dieworkwear) September 22, 2024

Alex Falcone
"Elon Musk. Is it a scam? Yep." pic.twitter.com/4LaBNRJxcQ
— 🤘KOJAMF 🇺🇸 ☕︎🌊 (@jimstep260853) September 21, 2024

A lot happened that month, huh? https://t.co/SoDn9UpPJW
— Sean Burns (@SeanMBurns) September 22, 2024

I am begging you to stop telling me about this man's life https://t.co/zgk8ou6V7o
— Lolo (@LolOverruled) September 22, 2024

Went to cancel a streaming service that was $10.99 a month and they were like "Lol ok you got us how about $2.99?"

Going to spend tomorrow cancelthreatening every service in my life.
— Jeff (@_FlipMan) September 21, 2024

Bridget Jones was sexually harassed at both of her workplaces in the movie https://t.co/oMRRkNvDRr
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) September 21, 2024

telling the 19 year old at work about my life as a sort of cautionary tale to scare him straight
— visual basic (@visualbasic97) September 21, 2024

Idk how to explain it without sounding like a boomer, but I think tiktok trends have made concerts less of a shared experience to appreciate an artist and music and more of a competitive event where people wanna get the best content that will look good for social media https://t.co/uIlpibGZ60
— muffin man 🐞 (@urshortfriend) September 21, 2024

September 22

GIRLS WHO LEAVE CLOTHING REVIEWS WITH THEIR HEIGHT WEIGHT AND SIZE ORDERED ARE GOING TO HEAVEN.
— 𝘀𝗼𝗳𝗲𝗮 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 🪽 (@goodlucksofea) September 22, 2024

I think Sarah Huckabee Sanders has a crush on JD Vance since she's constantly dressing like a couch he'd like to fuck. pic.twitter.com/1gj6bQfIsZ
— angry buni 🤬 (@theangriestbuni) September 23, 2024

help i thought she was wearing a mini hat 😭 https://t.co/SUHkJNGSwq
— cin (@chronocanary) September 22, 2024

hat? https://t.co/tbXLrT8oiA
— brianna (@justbrizigs) September 22, 2024

https://t.co/8S0VPQoPO7 pic.twitter.com/ISoJFi3Sm0
— karlee (@kar__lee) September 22, 2024

me: ok im for real going to go to bed early tonight

my brain: hey so unfortunately you gotta research what kind of whale is the biggest whale
— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) September 23, 2024

8 pm to 10 pm on a weeknight is the shortest that two hours can possibly be
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) September 23, 2024

have yall ever had vietnamese coffee like ofc they won that war
— victor (@40sqft) September 22, 2024

this is pissing me off so bad. it literally depends. fuck off https://t.co/7JP9UB11VV
— miss lucy 🐇🦠💌🍯🐛 (@pabstbluelucy) September 22, 2024

Serious question: Why are white people so afraid of becoming a minority? Does America treat minorities badly or something?
— Andrea Junker (@Strandjunker) September 22, 2024

You are not supposed to say this, but it's because they're dumber. https://t.co/x16khtZXSN
— Merrick (@punishedmother) September 22, 2024

Not true. They passed a bill to rename the Post Office in Kingsland, Arkansas after Johnny Cash. pic.twitter.com/KhKco2aRmh
— Ron Filipkowski (@RonFilipkowski) September 22, 2024

Woah mamma they put me in tha orb https://t.co/a2mlklxOYV
— Andrew (@Swordfish978) September 22, 2024

Hi, I really like your art! Please don't turn out to have groomed a child
— Hbomberguy (@Hbomberguy) September 22, 2024

Too poor for New York. Too ugly for LA. Too honest for DC… Just masochistic enough for Philadelphia.
— Annie Wu (all socials: @annie_wu_22) (@Annie_Wu_22) September 22, 2024

Unbelievable backpack to human ratio on this lad pic.twitter.com/bLBBt4CWgP
— Roy Donk (@RoyDonkRizz) September 22, 2024

My neighbors Judy and Mitch nail it again this year with their front yard skeletons. pic.twitter.com/RUsg6bmzfh
— Brian Stack (@BrianStack153) September 22, 2024

you wanna see something funny? call an english "expat" a migrant worker
— cool timothy (@dreadconquest) September 22, 2024

This pandemic has reminded me how much I hated group projects
— Jess (@MeetJess) September 22, 2024

tell your man to get a rebound pic.twitter.com/qHcLooIxsb
— subscribe to the state of the league patreon (@JoestarJokic) September 22, 2024

Inside Out 2 made $1.6 billion dollars https://t.co/NxD5rupIP5
— Clara (@thatclarafied) September 22, 2024

Making my boyfriend stop everything he's doing to look at a picture of a really big lemon i saw in 2019. and then he has to go "that's such a big lemon" or else I will act weird for 7 hours
— helena (@freshhel) September 22, 2024

Lizza-Nuzzi Nuptials Fizzle, Rizzed by Grizzled Would-Be Prez https://t.co/kOcz5o1U22
— Brian Firenzi (@mrbrianfirenzi) September 22, 2024

john mulaney @ dreamforce set

oh to be there. we should bully tech nerds much more often. they should get cop treatment at this point pic.twitter.com/D0wubhMY6K
— 🕺🏽😎🪩 (@cockjuring) September 22, 2024

but will you post this @PopCrave https://t.co/qvuQv662VZ
— thawg (@klondykebear) September 22, 2024

It's called being 26 years old, and it can happen to anyone. https://t.co/8WB8M5tVP0
— George Civeris (@georgeciveris) September 22, 2024

September 23

Does charli xcx think Kamala is brat? Is Chappell Roan going to vote this fall? What does Caroline Polachek think of the child tax credit? Would Mitski be a Democrat or a Whig? Has Phoebe Bridgers condemned Assad? Am I going to be okay?
— Bill McKay (@McKay4Senate) September 23, 2024

"Can everyone turn their cameras on? Thanks a bunch"

Me on Teams camera: pic.twitter.com/W6IkqT9XGy
— MonsterKing (@CerromeRussell) September 23, 2024

"Too horny for a Kennedy" should come with some type of award. https://t.co/RrrsAqOrLe
— John Ekdahl (@JohnEkdahl) September 23, 2024

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes
— Chappell Ellison (@ChappellTracker) September 24, 2024

This just in, do NOT eat the Little Debbie oatmeal cream pie if you're 25+. Your body no longer has a Little Debbie oatmeal cream pie enzyme. You WILL get nauseous.
— Morgan 🇵🇸 (@8bitfunk) September 23, 2024

Thought this was Tilda Swinton https://t.co/Ldm3pZPAtY
— Murtada Elfadl (@ME_Says) September 23, 2024

It's crazy to me how many motherfuckers get up in arms about trans women swimming but don't take any issue with this https://t.co/59xIu01vmn
— gianmarco (@GianmarcoSoresi) September 24, 2024

He playing Colin Kapernick in a Tubi movie https://t.co/la3McVhbsy
— 💉👿 🐦‍⬛ (@OwaJohnny) September 23, 2024

These new fruit flies don't give a fck about no fruit
— party gets me wetter☆ (@mainbitchclique) September 24, 2024

O. M. G. 🤣🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/OsbKWxBDmc
— Wegner's Groceries (@grocerieswegner) September 24, 2024

There was a white woman performing pretty tame acoustic covers of songs at the bar tonight and then she is like "For my last song, I am gonna be using some choice language if you don't mind," and then proceeded to do an acoustic cover of WAP.
— Ultima @ Tokyo Game Show (@UltimaShadowX) September 23, 2024

hawk! the herald angels sing.

glory tuah on that thing
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) September 24, 2024

happy bisexual day of visibility! my straight dad went to see both Magic Mike and Magic Mike: XXL in theaters by himself because 'that channing tatum kid can really dance'
— rax 'levon honkers' king (@RaxKingIsDead) September 23, 2024

I just googled this exact question and the results brought me to my own tweet. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind https://t.co/pKpbMu6TtJ
— raina (@quakerraina) September 24, 2024

So many true crime podcasts are just like "a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Murdery Steve, he has never been questioned"
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) September 23, 2024

Do podcast advertisers not know about this button? pic.twitter.com/hLSKqpz5pM
— Phlegm Clandango (@Cain_Unable) September 23, 2024

Fun fact: it's actually against the app store terms of service to not have a proper block button. I'm begging Apple to challenge him on it bc this would be his worst and most dangerous change yet. What a loser https://t.co/m72AXQU6qH pic.twitter.com/GdN7yCzOGJ
— Jack (-_•) (@captaincupkicks) September 23, 2024

Elon found out that most of us had him blocked.
— Randi White (@RandiWhite) September 23, 2024

Wow, Elon really owned us by pointing out that the most educated people in the country vote for Democrats! pic.twitter.com/WGj6tvgHm3
— Skyler Johnson (@SkylerforNY) September 23, 2024

beautiful pic.twitter.com/sRyZgCzvUB
— Nate Wolff (@proffwolff) September 23, 2024

the worst part of being a good listener is that people get creeped out by the information i've retained about them just from listening
— ً (@soidoona) September 23, 2024

Me when I go to the zoo https://t.co/ajKyQCnB3P
— Kamala/JoCat sexting scandal (@GarlicCorgi) September 23, 2024

Today marks 3 years since I sold my red fridge on Gumtree, under the listing 'RED FRIDGE'.

When the buyer arrived, he asked for £50 off because he "didn't know it'd be red".

Here's the picture I used for the ad. pic.twitter.com/709UFlrC2H
— James (@james_j_bailey) September 23, 2024

I have never not applied to a job harder oh my god i am laughing so hard. Life is definitely too shot though pic.twitter.com/MtXnteRb5M
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) September 23, 2024

CANADA'S NEXT CONSERVATIVE PARTY LEADER INTERVIEW
with @brittlestar, written by me pic.twitter.com/xo8W5xp8OC
— Clare Blackwood (@clareblackwood) September 23, 2024

I'm sorry, but nothing is topping this 😭 https://t.co/MqGbhu5Wf8 pic.twitter.com/M6VNXc7noj
— sigour ⭑ (@asmlise) September 24, 2024

September 24

Baby you on the curb😂😂😂😂 give them keys back https://t.co/h2ngfHSxsD
— ꫝꪮꪀꫀꪗ.. (@miadc10) September 24, 2024

Thread about the Bridgerton Ball SCAM in Detroit that I (and hundreds of others) spent $300 on pic.twitter.com/EUgX482w8j
— Rachel Eaton @ Realta (@rayleearts) September 24, 2024

Jesus fucking CHRIST https://t.co/CAzdw7X7l2
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) September 24, 2024

Sometimes Dan will leave the apartment with a bag of stuff and just say, "I'll be right back," then come home an hour later and I'll see something like this on social media, and we will eat dinner and watch tv and neither of us will acknowledge it https://t.co/THkxO3LUss
— addie sanders (@xaddiesanders) September 24, 2024

who is hiring in nyc? i need 350k a year and i have no skills and im not likable most days
— jovan (@ehjovan) September 25, 2024

Just witnessed my boss applying for jobs on linkedin. Im cooked
— PK. (@____mpagi) September 24, 2024

that's actually great because you owe me money https://t.co/7MSCy6EO7D
— vampire workday (@imbobswaget) September 24, 2024

not jacking off but jacking through. jacking beyond
— emo normie 🦦 (@emonormie) September 24, 2024

idk if im pregnant or what but i been craving 3 million dollars so bad
— jynx (@jynxbby) September 24, 2024

its weird that when seltzer goes flat it doesn't turn into regular water. you can still taste that something was Done To It
— Karli Marulli (@karlimarulli) September 24, 2024

cop: where u headed

me: chuck e. cheese. gonna fight the rat

cop: [handing me his gun] good luck
— cory (@coolmathgame_) September 25, 2024

The media avoiding the term "ethnic cleansing" https://t.co/SFxJogNxXm pic.twitter.com/vLtK6uL8ae
— abolish all things (@Drooan) September 24, 2024

Goodnight pic.twitter.com/mJvcs65lhL
— microplastics obliterator (@DiabolicalSpuds) September 24, 2024

pic.twitter.com/emOjHrLTxh
— zach (@zach_idiot) September 24, 2024

divorce is so weird why do I have an ex-aunt
— campbell g (@rodeoman) September 24, 2024

close enough welcome back boygenius https://t.co/PB8GUvYt0q
— marcos (@marcoshd3z) September 24, 2024

this is just like that movie challengers https://t.co/ZF2lPmldvV
— Spencer Agnew (@Spennser) September 25, 2024

Just caught my tomatoes trying to sneak out. pic.twitter.com/hDIzAfM65P
— Douglas Cheape (@CheapeDouglas) September 24, 2024

September 25

https://t.co/cxFSpoOF3r pic.twitter.com/uldyD61bAr
— David Sarin (@sarinwrapped) September 25, 2024

"Cuddle McSnugglestuff" https://t.co/3Mm7fnIdfj pic.twitter.com/9kA9co7rcU
— Tęrräñøvå (Overly Positive Pal) (@TerranovaNoah) September 26, 2024

What's been fun about out this is that every time someone shits the bed in society my notifications go crazy https://t.co/x6Vb2ySxHY
— drew janda (@drewjanda) September 26, 2024

That first message is insane sorry https://t.co/nLwPr14esm
— Liv (@Liv_Agar) September 25, 2024

"ai is coming for your jobs" i'd like to see ai procrastinate all day before a 2pm meeting
— sophie (@netcapgirl) September 25, 2024

I hate how people pile on chiropractors just because they're fake and dangerous
— warrior cop (@wyatt_privilege) September 26, 2024

I used to laugh at these as a kid only for friends to say "Why are you laughing? These bloopers are fake."

Bitch the whole movie is fake you're watching a cartoon. https://t.co/wadVFSCQWL
— Lythero 🎮 (@Lythero) September 25, 2024

Sure is interesting how we passed the Inflation Reduction Act, and then inflation went down.
— Pete Buttigieg (@PeteButtigieg) September 25, 2024

I'm one of the two. Sry you're having a theft problem but having to call for help to pick out my body wash is way too interactive a shopping experience for me. pic.twitter.com/ww7EmhugYf
— HumanBeingAwkward (@humanbeingawk) September 25, 2024

Dawg, just fix Eglinton man. It's been 48 years. https://t.co/vZe4o8CF2A
— Shem (@Shem) September 25, 2024

If we can build a tunnel under the 401 surely we can dig a little deeper and get a spa and ferris wheel down there
— Scott Reid (@_scottreid) September 25, 2024

A nutritionally complete chocolate milkshake-like substance should be piped into every home at the municipal level. You could still cook or go out for fun, but if you were feeling lazy, or you were impoverished, you could simply consume The City Meal directly from the tap.
— microplastics obliterator (@DiabolicalSpuds) September 25, 2024

the Eric Adams indictment news JUST broke and i can already hear people in my neighborhood blasting Not Like Us, Brooklyn is CELEBRATING tonight
— SIMONE 🩷 (@parasocialyte) September 26, 2024

Under the law when the mayor of new york gets indicted the next weirdest guy in the city becomes mayor
— Political Science B.A. (@InternetHippo) September 26, 2024

in many ways, we live in the golden age of comedy https://t.co/AjKRii37Ks
— america's lounge singer (@KrangTNelson) September 26, 2024

Puff & Eric Adams gotta recreate this picture with the key to their jail cell pic.twitter.com/bFeWsPthyH
— Tukach Shakur 🏴‍☠️ (@its_kachi) September 26, 2024

This analysis remains undefeated https://t.co/9YKCrUAlUg pic.twitter.com/eUJyuWZ3ny
— Read Abolish Rent (@JoshuaPHilll) September 26, 2024

*extreme robot voice*

Er-Ic…NOOooOoOoOo pic.twitter.com/uJOnzvjeoQ
— yc (@yc) September 26, 2024

Never forget https://t.co/6F1SnB922x
— Tim Miller (@Timodc) September 26, 2024

Humiliating for NYC to have our mayor indicted like we're fucking Providence or something.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) September 26, 2024

"not so funny when it's a democrat being indicted" it is. it is still very funny
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) September 26, 2024

one of the best bits i've ever seen a mayor do. just completely ridiculous every time. the one with a croatia soccer jersey really is top notch. pic.twitter.com/4ksoFrxvgK
— Bill DiFilippo (@billdifilippo) September 26, 2024

September 26

Mayor https://t.co/IiSkrhubWL
— GOOPert Gottfried (@arielleaty) September 26, 2024

Holy shit. "Your policies are anti-Black!! You are a disgrace to all Black people in this city!" Eric Adams press conference being righteously disrupted right now. pic.twitter.com/WTH1Ia0iPK
— Read Abolish Rent (@JoshuaPHilll) September 26, 2024

Imagine getting up from a voluntary meeting with the FBI, excusing yourself to the bathroom, and deleting messages and communications they are asking you about... pic.twitter.com/7jq0kelYGH
— Ali Najmi (@Ali_Najmi) September 26, 2024

It's a flight to Istanbul, Michael! How much could it cost, $50? pic.twitter.com/YdyyCzLYz8
— Natan Last (@natanlast) September 26, 2024

as a citizen of the toronto crack mayor meltdown all i have to say is congrats nyc
— Evy Kwong (@EVYSTADIUM) September 26, 2024

oh good, Rogers Stadium, not to be confused with Rogers Centre, Rogers Arena or Rogers Place.

Canada is not beating the "three corporations in a trenchcoat" allegations I fear https://t.co/DknqXBJuzr pic.twitter.com/PchXe8yCoQ
— ℳatt (@matttomic) September 26, 2024

a man in a business suit just walked by me and his phone rang and it was the exorcist theme song, so needless to say I have a lot of questions that I am absolutely too afraid to ask
— Clare Blackwood (@clareblackwood) September 26, 2024

Deepest apologies to any of my supporters who have been cut in half. pic.twitter.com/qqUVhMUEiP
— Brent Butt (@BrentButt) September 26, 2024

one thing I never see discussed in the remote vs office debate is the ability to have sex with my wife who also wfh during the day. much easier while the kids at school and huge boon for my productivity. not sure how to explain to my boss who wants me at the office more
— joon (@abettertake) September 26, 2024

the backlash against Chappell Roan for saying "fine, I'll vote for the Democratic Party, but I don't like them" is so bizarre as a Canadian because it's understood here that everyone votes begrudgingly for whomever they hate least in order to defeat someone worse
— Michelle Cyca (@michellecyca) September 26, 2024

North Carolina doesn't seem too excited about Mark Robinson. pic.twitter.com/zKsdYsDq8o
— The Good Liars (@TheGoodLiars) September 26, 2024

I hope this email kills us both
— carmeb (@therealcbrad) September 27, 2024

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: September 27, 2024

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