Meanwhile in Chicago, they asked, so, the dye in a Dorito, today in Costco, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

September 6

Hardest first day of school picture ever. https://t.co/Vijvti0goj
— @kp_official1 on IG (@kp_official_1) September 7, 2024

omg that's like their beyoncé https://t.co/6IxnTeQMxi
— z̵s̴a̶ ̸z̸s̶a̴ ̷g̸a̷b̴o̶r̴t̵i̷o̵n̴ (@zsazsagabortion) September 7, 2024

Pretty sure that's illegal https://t.co/5I5xcY7Vca
— nath :) (@nathandg12) September 6, 2024

I've lost years of my life to 2-factor authentication
— timuoxi cha le mei (@ch1cken_t3nder) September 6, 2024

For her? It's always brat summer pic.twitter.com/1epGJr0Hom
— proton (@ProtonInspector) September 7, 2024

Band Who Cites Kiss As Influence Also Sucks https://t.co/6DtyjaObU3
— The Hard Times (@REALpunknews) September 7, 2024

"no one would be aware of this film if it wasn't for that fucking horse" LMAOO https://t.co/0rozjQDylV
— tick, tick... (@BohoDayz) September 7, 2024

a secret third thing https://t.co/lYVcahoyuP
— valerie cherish (@hyperflesh) September 6, 2024

"because of woke" is such a fucked up phrase because if you're serious about it you're a moron and a terrible person but it's fucking hilarious to say as a joke
— K'eeg (@armormodechang) September 6, 2024

This Toyota dealership just bodied the cyber truck pic.twitter.com/oyzYxHGInF
— Steven Housing Abundance (@stevevance) September 6, 2024

I've been a political staffer for 15 years and (a) this is the dream boss; (b) you could not waterboard these quotes out of me jfc pic.twitter.com/ikwiVYEKqZ
— Dr Emma Salisbury (@salisbot) September 6, 2024

😆🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/3rx5ZsfSFs
— Boston Smalls (@smalls2672) September 6, 2024

The people who ask this question have never been to Colborne, Ontario https://t.co/QE82KLRtDd pic.twitter.com/AYyBkVi4JW
— Dan Seljak (@anotherglassbox) September 6, 2024

is that good pic.twitter.com/7sdmtC2JMx
— legotrillermoth (@legotrillermoth) September 7, 2024

September 7

Tried to let one get on the escalator first and he said "No,don't worry about me,I'm in no rush. They can't go anywhere without me" https://t.co/IDAFQLlzFs
— Stolen Chanel (@Zoemkoena) September 7, 2024

Doing all this to stand around at King and Simcoe is crazy https://t.co/nWDGqOvNBk
— peyton (@tinypeytz) September 7, 2024

There's a bit of sadness when you're at a restaurant and the food isn't delivered by Your Server.

"and who ordered the Alfredo?"

You don't know us at all. Jenny would know. Jenny would know who ordered the Alfredo.
— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) September 7, 2024

Ok pic.twitter.com/uGTmlLRdEl
— Benny (@SlippinBenny) September 8, 2024

pic.twitter.com/rOP3ImYn3r
— v ➷ (@evajacksism) September 7, 2024

Ohhhhh, I finally understand! "Following" tab is where you can see the last 587 retweets from the same 3 people for all of eternity. "For You" tab is original tweets from people with whom you love to interact, commingled with selections from some of Elon's favorite racists.
— Mallory Eeeeeeee (@primnimproper_) September 8, 2024

today in costco a woman straight up asked her husband for a divorce. and she wasn't joking. being miserable in the costco together would be my last straw too
— dash • they/them (@thedigitaldash_) September 8, 2024

The sun is shining from the same side in both shots https://t.co/mJGTHiZe8I
— Geno Samuel (@genosamuelgeno) September 7, 2024

how the barista looks at you when they flip the screen for tips https://t.co/iC8nR8rFra
— caucasian white mayo guy (🇸🇴🇬🇾🇲🇽) (@btrkrishu) September 7, 2024

As a fantasy football punishment my friend has to stay at a bar that opens at 6 AM and doesn't close until 2 AM

For every drink he has during his stay, 30 minutes gets taken off the total time he can leave.

Stay tuned for live updates throughout the day
— Dalton Kates (@Dalton_Kates) September 7, 2024

This water sounds like a sexually transmitted infection you get from a gentle breeze blowing up your shorts. pic.twitter.com/cQkU47oRo6
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) September 7, 2024

TOP 5 WORST PRIMATE SONGS:

5. Gorilla Got a Hold On Me
4. I've Got Marmoset On You
3. Take the Monkey and Run
2. TIE: Lemur Roll It / I Am Curious George
1. Bang a Kong
— Dave Merritt (@GoldenSeals) September 7, 2024

Just say you hate black people at this point pic.twitter.com/L1e8xexr21
— Flaaroni (@FlaaroniCraft) September 7, 2024

The level of imbecile and moronic asshole a person has to be to convince themselves to vote for Trump and JD Vance is going to be studied at medical universities for decades to come. 😳👇 pic.twitter.com/CdibeELgTp
— Bill Madden (@maddenifico) September 8, 2024

REPO MAN: Brooklyn New York, an Italian dude, not letting you get his truck. Keep up the payments. pic.twitter.com/LhqrD9rXwL
— Cornbread Mafioso 🖕🏾 (@Soulful1865) September 7, 2024

pic.twitter.com/kADya3qVAX
— The Dalbo Dog (@Dalbodog) September 7, 2024

I like how this has just become the official lore pic.twitter.com/eFZGkIS4C8
— DreamLeaf 🌱🌻 🍉 (@DreamLeaf5) September 7, 2024

September 8

ruins my mood when i say "girl" to a guy and he says "I'm not a girl" like damn babygirl relax fr
— ً (@ifeelgoodto) September 8, 2024

me: did you have fun on your playdate?

my 9yo: yes, but that was the wrong Logan. Next week can I have a playdate with the Logan who's my friend?
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) September 9, 2024

just a thought I had while eating some salsa pic.twitter.com/zOeZEUF05v
— america's lounge singer (@KrangTNelson) September 8, 2024

Serving shrimp with the tail still on when it's already mixed into something (pasta, rice, etc) is insane. https://t.co/k0uLcW9T34
— Admiral Snaccbar 🐙 (@Chris_Mench) September 8, 2024

dating a white person seems so scary what if they don't wash their legs or they have a popcorn bowl they also use for throw up
— bigby 🦇 (@hesbianbigby) September 8, 2024

Being in Haim is the ideal level of fame: live off your art forever, tour pretty large venues, Pitchfork approval, sporadic acclaimed role in a Paul Thomas Anderson movie, box at the US Open final with Taylor and yet you can go grocery shopping at Erewhon and no one really cares
— Louie (@DJLouieXIV) September 8, 2024

If a fast food restaurant is more than half a mile from the Interstate, it shouldn't be listed on the exit sign https://t.co/A9JDZu2zrK
— Yes, You're Racist (@YesYoureRacist) September 8, 2024

It's awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you're letting people cross. You're right bro I should just annihilate this family of four
— Ⓜ️ert (@mertcentury) September 8, 2024

Toronto is not a serious place pic.twitter.com/oL0sBvipCn
— DM (@mendezzda) September 8, 2024

i hate this city pic.twitter.com/0VfIO6C8V3
— jame (@kloogans) September 8, 2024

"would you drop you friends just because u share different political views?"

yes, yes i would
— dan🧸 (@danofmyheart) September 8, 2024

? pic.twitter.com/4SEV7H0JfE
— sigmanetero (@sigmanetero) September 8, 2024

Kendrick is diabolical, he used disses from 6:16 - like that - and euphoria all in this video .
1- The video starts with the noise at the beginning of 6:16 that we couldn't decipher .
2- Then around 15s he says " just like that." Which is from like that . pic.twitter.com/SZxxDOMdiZ
— Yawovi1986 (@yawovimawuena) September 8, 2024

Even the drake subreddit knows its over 😭😭 pic.twitter.com/mNMcDIgI7t
— FACT or CAP (@bayern_jorbor) September 8, 2024

Drake: Big as the Super Bowl
Kendrick: https://t.co/YsPVdU0Tpu pic.twitter.com/x9FvYT1VqP
— Enrique Arayata Jr. (@EnriqueArayata) September 8, 2024

kendrick circling all the way back to the song that kicked off the whole thing for the fnal death blow jesus christ he's a madman https://t.co/A9OzVrdyvW
— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) September 8, 2024

Man really witnessed this collab and proceeded to think "Yea I can beat em" pic.twitter.com/cNursMGZjS
— DEAD END HIP HOP (@DeadEndHipHop) September 8, 2024

Probably the craziest tweet run ever😭 pic.twitter.com/VXCYekkcxT
— ₭ma🧣 (@KmaFr_) September 8, 2024

i feel like "not like us" was about drake. lots of clues in there
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) September 8, 2024

Performing at the Super Bowl in response to a song where the guy you beefing with said he was "big as the Super Bowl" is the craziest rebuttal in hip hop history.
— Deante' Hitchcock (@DeanteVH) September 8, 2024

Kendrick is so funny. He makes me want to be a better hater.
— Jonquilyn Hill (@jonquilynhill) September 8, 2024

"Say Drake..." pic.twitter.com/vHRGYjEJsP
— BP (@BPayton216) September 8, 2024

imagine getting five months' notice that they're going to call you a pedophile at the super bowl
— perkus tooth (@phtevens) September 9, 2024

kind of comforting to know that no matter how bad of a day you might be having, kendrick lamar is going to make sure drake is having a worse one https://t.co/CkGpwzb3sJ
— 𝐋𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐚 (@bylarisha) September 8, 2024

hating your way to the super bowl has to be the greatest achievement in hate
— frank bullitt (@the_blueprint) September 8, 2024

I always closely check the backgrounds of my postgame videos -- we are in a locker room, after all.

Today, nothing bad.

Just Joey Porter Jr. very excited about finding a Sprite in his bag. pic.twitter.com/9fsZdu1Vs0
— Alan Saunders (@ASaunders_PGH) September 8, 2024

Wait I never noticed this but this video pointed out that Community has beetlejuice walk by in the background after the THIRD time he's mentioned in the show, I love this tiny detail! pic.twitter.com/daUB7TjiLS
— sona (@swiftlydunphy) September 8, 2024

Post the same actor in two roles that show their range https://t.co/znEUDSDRXO pic.twitter.com/TjpvBvCb2A
— Daniel Hood (@DanielHood4) September 9, 2024

Well, the good news is we've finally solved the mystery of why there's so little literature about the 1918 flu. The bad news is that we haven't learned anything from it. https://t.co/DlySnAQL9a
— RednBlackSalamander (@9mmballpoint) September 8, 2024

The Idol: 1
Better Call Saul: 0 https://t.co/upTgUTuLWB pic.twitter.com/5DRErLCDzN
— Rhea (@4eyedRaven) September 9, 2024

God, he's right, if you wanted to see Jewish gangsters portrayed in media you'd have to watch...
Once Upon a Time in America
Miller's Crossing
Godfather 2
LA Confidential
Bugsy
Casino
Drive
The Sopranos
Snatch
Gangster Squad
Uncut Gems
Boardwalk Empire
Lucky Number Slevin... https://t.co/2OLW265Wa2
— ian karmel (@IanKarmel) September 8, 2024

my cinephile boyfriend just gave my cans an 11-minute standing ovation
— cass city (@HeavenlyGrandpa) September 8, 2024

god I hope when I'm an old drunk Pennsylvania woman in a nursing höeme that I have a gay grandson to come entertain me pic.twitter.com/ZGSELXYsaJ
— beef heiress (@rebirthcanal) September 9, 2024

A beloved memory of James Earl Jones:
"Jill, I hear you're Canadian. I had the pleasure of meeting a wonderful countryman of yours; a great singer by the name of Geddy Lee…"
-a legendary talent, but also adorable. Rest in power, sir.#jamesearljones
— Jill Hennessy (@JillHennessy) September 9, 2024

September 9

#RIP dad 💔 https://t.co/YXpFoBb2Ua
— Mark Hamill (@MarkHamill) September 9, 2024

pic.twitter.com/cDGbLUa3U7
— Don Giller (@thedonz5) September 9, 2024

As we all grieve the immense loss of actor James Earl Jones (Star Wars, The Lion King), I wanted to celebrate one his funnier milestones, reading Letterman's best Top Ten List, reciting commercial jingles with his spectacular, powerful, booming voice. #RIPJamesEarlJones pic.twitter.com/7OCHlV7hrv
— Courtney Howard (@Lulamaybelle) September 9, 2024

twitter is lowkey just a "who can say the joke the loudest" competition https://t.co/mC3XnUFtdu
— （¯﹃¯） (@gatorade2002) September 9, 2024

he moves like a 40 pound toddler with a full diaper https://t.co/H0h9kFRQ65
— julia (@eathedocument) September 9, 2024

say cheese: the new iphone will have a built-in camera
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) September 9, 2024

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they're having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.
— Granite Man 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 (@GraniteDhuine) September 9, 2024

i set my alarms extra early to make sure i have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up
— ً (@zeinacey) September 9, 2024

blue gatorade is so beautiful How lucky are we to have a beverage that smells like healing and tastes like stars
— Caroline (@weirdassfishes) September 10, 2024

I bought an old iPhone on eBay and its last owner knew Jason Mamoa. pic.twitter.com/tPxSOGwu6u
— Scott Wozniak (@ScottTheWoz) September 10, 2024

good god pic.twitter.com/heWo28zczB
— Ron-Paul Sartre 🇵🇸 (@dopaminenjoyer) September 9, 2024

For the love of God, what did I just say https://t.co/lnTKMEqySp pic.twitter.com/spMYW04A0G
— Amanda Wong (@amandawtwong) September 10, 2024

Ahh yes the 70s, 80s & 90s, a famously gender-conforming era 🙏 https://t.co/Ar8AHKEBUI pic.twitter.com/UZmdKx77Fx
— Strewth 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 (@StrewthQueen) September 9, 2024

My daughter told me there is a small get together at school on Friday.
I asked her, "How small?"
She replied,
"Just you, me, and the principal.
— єℓαιηє (@elainesim28) September 10, 2024

girl just do coke like what do you want us to say https://t.co/Nyaws1zOsj
— larry davids mistress (@b1gdumb1diott) September 10, 2024

Conservatives: We are going to cut taxes, stop crime, and give you more money

Liberals: We are going to build homes, tax the rich, and help young people

NDP: We are going to walk into the sea https://t.co/w7lEGqN3B2
— Clare Blackwood (@clareblackwood) September 9, 2024

lol pic.twitter.com/4EH3ngD27e
— Arthouse Shawn Levy (@firagawalkwthme) September 10, 2024

So much negativity around two people just enjoying themselves and having a good time which is all absolutely fair as they both look completely insufferable. https://t.co/vAb1dWw2FC
— GeorgeWeahsCousin (@WeahsCousin) September 9, 2024

love dating someone really offline because I can blatantly pass off various other people's tweets as my own jokes
— katie (@focusfronting) September 10, 2024

Nobody wants to hear it but the actual funniest outcome is if these two have been having an affair. https://t.co/waM2izwfjq
— mary (@theoceanblooms) September 9, 2024

Here is an idea: If you are running for VP, maybe stop for 30 seconds and figure out if something is true before posting https://t.co/ciKoM3BgXM pic.twitter.com/MLs50CLQ55
— Judd Legum (@JuddLegum) September 9, 2024

Just a few days ago, we learned one of the schemes that Russia uses to get influencers to spread coordinated narratives, but I'm sure your favorite right-wing influencers all talking about Haiti out of nowhere at the same time is just a coincidence.
— Damin Toell (@damintoell) September 9, 2024

I think his name is actually Doug. https://t.co/ufBFBtyID6
— Shadow Of The Nerdtree (@agraybee) September 9, 2024

This guy is being arrested for being like three years ahead of the next music industry business model https://t.co/19XBgt4fTl
— Peter Raleigh (@PetreRaleigh) September 9, 2024

They asked, so pic.twitter.com/k6pM1NAzq7
— Kelly (@hinx) September 9, 2024

September 10

every time i remember this tweet i laugh so much i have to sit down https://t.co/6Zzh3AN6ru
— keegan (@FranziaMom) September 11, 2024

i'm employed https://t.co/Fr3h7POGtA pic.twitter.com/pqaosnBZjY
— big jizz (@biggestjizzer) September 10, 2024

just got in trouble for saying "thanks everyone" in the work gc after i asked a question and nobody answered it
— mia! (@miakanaiko) September 10, 2024

Guess diversity is not a factor in recruiting the Sask Party team 🤣😒 https://t.co/klvhbzxv3v
— Dennis Kendel (@DennisKendel) September 10, 2024

He broke Rihanna's heart. He turned down the Super Bowl. He planted the info. He had a Pusha diss that would have totally ended his career. He heard them kids was Dave Freeeeeeeees yeah ight bro can we just stop the cap? For once? These mfers just can not stop lying. Pathetic fr https://t.co/qzPge3fqNe
— Cow (@Supersampm) September 10, 2024

Kamala, currently:

pic.twitter.com/zTZhVxCJfT
— K⚫️DOT Velaryon 🐉 (@d0mocracy) September 11, 2024

She must have. How could she have known she would be asked about abortion, current events, guns, and immigration at a presidential debate? https://t.co/NQzEB3s1zE
— Benny (@SlippinBenny) September 11, 2024

https://t.co/iFidn0V06u pic.twitter.com/e8jpv0FsFu
— c a i t l i n (@hello__caitlin) September 11, 2024

it's so funny how for weeks everyone telegraphed "she's gonna bait him" and her team was like "we're gonna bait him" and he managed to act normal for like 3 minutes and then she said one thing about his rallies and it was like feeding a gremlin after midnight
— Sal Gentile (@salgentile) September 11, 2024

"and this mo- former president🙂" SHE WANTED TO GAG HIM SO BAD LMFAOOOOOO😭😭😭 #Debate2024 pic.twitter.com/YkYE9J2BsL
— 𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗻𝘆🫧💚 (@beyoncegarden) September 11, 2024

I SAID IT FOR HER. Lmfaooo https://t.co/A9lccokRLk pic.twitter.com/JbYHXI3JRj
— Scottie (@ScottieBeam) September 11, 2024

Trump: She's going to take your gun

Kamala: Bitch I have a gun
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) September 11, 2024

CNN @KatieLobosco asked the Trump campaign for any evidence for his claim that his proposed across-the-board tariffs wouldn't raise prices for Americans. The campaign responded by sending her a study…which said prices for Americans would rise when the tariffs were implemented.
— Daniel Dale (@ddale8) September 11, 2024

She's mastered the face of simultaneous pity and disgust and every woman knows that is *the* most important combo.
— Emily Favreau (@emilyfavreau) September 11, 2024

conservative neighbor: did you hear they're eating pets?

Me, having run over his cat last week: that's probably what happened to Simba dude
— ʎǝlɹɐɥƆ (@charleyonhere) September 11, 2024

you guys HAVE to try the golden retriever in springfield. it is soooo good
— Peter (@petermarietoto) September 11, 2024

being a moderator is a crazy job, just sitting and listening for a full minute and saying "thank you, but nobody is eating dogs"
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) September 11, 2024

When he said they're giving migrants sex changes I nearly spit out my dog
— Jon Savoy (@JonSavoyiSwear) September 11, 2024

Hey guys. I know we're joking about how he's absolutely eating shit up there, but I just went down to the kitchen and an illegal was performing transgender surgery on our cat (he/they).
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) September 11, 2024

"she wants to do transgender operations on illegal aliens in prisons" was his response to a question on fracking
— lacey cencula (@dddrop_the_lace) September 11, 2024

illegal transgender alien pic.twitter.com/FzKYxsWbIk
— zoë rose bryant (@zoerosebryant) September 11, 2024

beautiful tweet pic.twitter.com/5qF0SBcSZ1
— denoris 🎹👾🏳️‍⚧️ (@toobluehair) September 11, 2024

she was in the prison doing transgender operations on illegal aliens right before she died pic.twitter.com/sjDycEO3Mq
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) September 11, 2024

I agree, the ABC moderators shouldn't have made him yell "THEY'RE EATING THE DOGS" at the volume of a PA announcer in an empty arena because he saw an AI-generated picture of a Haitian guy eating a cat posted by ImmigrantSlaughter1488 on TruthSocial. pic.twitter.com/vB10b56Ezr
— Tim Onion (@oneunderscore__) September 11, 2024

trump is sounding like a nicki minaj tweet
— ًjohn (@needtcknow) September 11, 2024

MONDAY NIGHT PRIME TIME: A washed conspiracy theorist from New York gets cooked in prime time by a superior opponent from San Francisco

TUESDAY NIGHT PRIME TIME: A washed conspiracy theorist from New York gets cooked in prime time by a superior opponent from San Francisco pic.twitter.com/FLghniUnsk
— Mike Beauvais (@MikeBeauvais) September 11, 2024

A key point missing in a lot of post debate analysis is that Trump's claim about immigrants eating pets almost perfectly syncs up to the piano in the Peanuts theme song. pic.twitter.com/6icWLe1sPN
— Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) September 11, 2024

She signed the post:
Taylor Swift
Childless Cat Lady

Congrats to JD Vance and Tucker Carlson! https://t.co/8muFtftVT7
— Matthew Gertz (@MattGertz) September 11, 2024

a restraining order has never been more imminent. https://t.co/j5SR55Shml
— kimani🥂 (@onthattightrope) September 11, 2024

WE'RE SO BACK pic.twitter.com/gzeuZEKR12
— Annie Wu (all socials: @annie_wu_22) (@Annie_Wu_22) September 11, 2024

Trump gets back from the debate and just starts strangling JD Vance like Bart
— ape attack survivor (@pissvortex) September 11, 2024

he says this with a spot-on homer simpson inflection https://t.co/8PKHwC5osf
— sage (@spherection) September 11, 2024

"I have concepts of a plan." pic.twitter.com/6vKmFLOSP3
— Jason Gallagher (@jga41agher) September 11, 2024

The bank: When can we expect your mortgage payment?

Me: I have a concept of a plan.
— Jemele Hill (@jemelehill) September 11, 2024

That's It For The Onion's Coverage, Our Reporters Have All Killed Themselves
— The Onion (@TheOnion) September 11, 2024

canada must feel like they are living above a meth lab
— short n' sweet like larky 💋🍯 (@ofthemisery) September 11, 2024

my favorite laura loomer fact was that she started an ISIS fan club at her college to prove that liberals would join it but nobody joined and she got expelled for starting an ISIS fan club lol https://t.co/lVZfuxoOui
— america's lounge singer (@KrangTNelson) September 11, 2024

Laura loomer's evolution from an average looking human to Jigsaw has to be one of the craziest things I've ever seen pic.twitter.com/SOa1gdjIrG
— Czarina (@fishontherun2) September 11, 2024

change him back i don't care what he's done no one deserves this https://t.co/mg6lMt6u07
— old tom (@YuckyTom) September 10, 2024

Dave Grohl missed a trick not opening this statement with "I've got another confession to make" pic.twitter.com/n00umERYRe
— Elliot Mitchell (@elliot_mitchell) September 10, 2024

Thanks, Dave Grohl. https://t.co/6lhWPejNec pic.twitter.com/2m5unxtO7C
— Riff Randell (@_RiffRandell) September 10, 2024

You have to feel sorry for Dave Grohl's PR people.
Easiest job in rock and roll for twenty five years and now this.
— Richy Craven (@RichyCraven) September 10, 2024

So funny when celebs cheat and release a statement like "please be considerate of my family" like buddy seems as though you started it!!!!
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) September 10, 2024

"how can i listen to foo fighters knowing dave cheated on his wife?"

boy do i have something to tell you about the lead singer of every band, ever
— god's favorite dipshit (@JessInAbsentia) September 10, 2024

best post i've seen about the dave grohl situation pic.twitter.com/vgeHZLgIuu
— Kirst 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 (@keeksymo_) September 10, 2024

In muppets christmas carol he is married to a pig but has a son who is 100% frog which you have to question https://t.co/c3OjdmhPQN
— Neil Gibbons (@neilgibbons) September 10, 2024

September 11

i like that for the image choice they went with a photo where they made him look like the divorce lawyer https://t.co/PR1ab7g27P
— Max Tani (@maxwelltani) September 11, 2024

"they're doing transgender surgeries on illegal aliens" is just the plot of The Rocky Horror Picture Show
— 𝐠 (@maybegabrielle) September 11, 2024

We simply cannot thank Tulsi Gabbard enough for her brilliant debate prep with Donald Trump. 🤣🤣pic.twitter.com/ptpNHwboUS
— Jon Cooper 🇺🇸 (@joncoopertweets) September 11, 2024

Don't share this pic.twitter.com/hKbvVlAdOo
— David Leavitt 🎲🎮🧙‍♂️🌈 (@David_Leavitt) September 11, 2024

OMG they posted the entire debate 😭 https://t.co/t3r0JW5k1d
— MeidasTouch (@MeidasTouch) September 11, 2024

Okay this actually explains a lot. They didn't realize presidential candidates were supposed to know about politics before running. pic.twitter.com/8y4mFKsRQA
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) September 11, 2024

"Why did they fact check Trump more than Harris?" is high performance level dumb. It's like looking into a mirror and asking why there's suddenly another person in the bathroom
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) September 11, 2024

It was at this moment; former president Donald Trump was cooked…….. 🫡🇺🇸👇🏾 pic.twitter.com/wDO8eHNmSS
— Kenny Akers (@KeneAkers) September 11, 2024

We'd like to announce that while we are not a hotel, we are a concept of a hotel.
— Four Seasons Total Landscaping (@TotalSeasons) September 11, 2024

This is so funny pic.twitter.com/YOgEYNoL4M
— Albie🩸🦷🤝🥥🌴 (@AlbieBrian) September 11, 2024

I better go superviral for this... pic.twitter.com/00Laf5QUrx
— Fearghas Kelly (@FearghasKelly) September 11, 2024

I'm dead 🤣🤣🤣💀 pic.twitter.com/DRvvlv2Tx2
— Bryan 🇺🇸for🇺🇦 (@swimmerbr78) September 11, 2024

The prophecy has been fulfilled https://t.co/T7e2bnsGhn pic.twitter.com/U0WyO3L8SJ
— Gentleman Doofus (@GentleDoofus) September 11, 2024

I dare you to watch this only once.

pic.twitter.com/lHt3bPNJWs
— Jack E. Smith ⚖️ (@7Veritas4) September 12, 2024

https://t.co/G3H7JYpUfG pic.twitter.com/pZ2yx35d4p
— savannah (@savbrads) September 12, 2024

Oh god it's happening again https://t.co/S944wmgFXA
— evan loves worf (@esjesjesj) September 11, 2024

every 9/11 this is the only thing i can think about pic.twitter.com/ux6fYFfui9
— Mrs. Game & Watch (@mswhitexoxo) September 11, 2024

🫡 pic.twitter.com/zgkD5Dqdn0
— Talia Jane ❤️‍🔥 (@taliaotg) September 11, 2024

my coworker threw a paper airplane at me and i was like "on today of all days 😟?" and she looked at me like this pic.twitter.com/YAdWa9JsNP
— 🍀 amanda jean! 🍉 (@jovianplanets) September 11, 2024

jokingly asked my coworker why the flag outside our building was at half mast today and he completely seriously said "for James Earl Jones i think?"
— kpg (@notoriouskpg) September 11, 2024

Respectfully observing 9/11 by reading The Toronto Sun's bastards issue. pic.twitter.com/prYnf4E9ys
— Michael Balazo (@mbalazo) September 11, 2024

What's he supposed to do? https://t.co/3FQ5lCxgvi
— Pugmane 🐾 🐛 🥫 (@pugmane) September 11, 2024

ignoring ur old situationship at the function https://t.co/DHI9m6GwI2
— Black Anthony Bourdain 🍉 (@badgualriri) September 11, 2024

thank you icyvert for demonstrating what is pushed by the algorithm and what isn't https://t.co/JqY2PSF18H
— Natalie 🏳️‍⚧️🍉 (BRAWL WEEK) (@FalcoNat38) September 12, 2024

Why they got the water pressure set to Civil Rights? https://t.co/nsHD9o94gA
— Légend (@DonV757_) September 11, 2024

"Ohio, USA" https://t.co/nuyOMqezYG pic.twitter.com/r41zZKivwF
— Swann Marcus (@SwannMarcus89) September 11, 2024

OH MY GOD NOW THEY HAVE A WHOLE *DELI* THAT'S SERVING THEM?!! pic.twitter.com/w0HTiwVkVn
— Ben Wexler (@mrbenwexler) September 11, 2024

THEY'RE EATING THE DOGS pic.twitter.com/lQqMW5l8pT
— Tarquin 🇺🇦 (@Tarquin_Helmet) September 11, 2024

Meanwhile in Chicago. pic.twitter.com/5PfW6EWBxN
— Alex Cole (@acnewsitics) September 11, 2024

hey man, you and david are both remote and only 600 miles from each other. we thought you two could meet in the middle and work a day at a coop space. this would bring The Company great pleasure for reasons arcane and unknowable.
— rob (@ok_but_still) September 11, 2024

Im sorry this is so fucking funny https://t.co/MM3vbmVjib
— valerie complex (@ValerieComplex) September 12, 2024

i have never once heard this song and i am so unbelievably chronically online and tapped into pop culture, stop giving this woman awards she doesn't deserve https://t.co/Wu6KDjzqeD
— sexless schizo (@dykeabetes) September 12, 2024

https://t.co/WtHO54EKtC pic.twitter.com/irBsxy6j5P
— Renfamous ⭐️ (@renfamous) September 11, 2024

elon musks tweets are all either "Wow" or "Absolutely" or "Cool" or "I will impregnate you against your will, world's most famous pop star"
— cass city (@HeavenlyGrandpa) September 11, 2024

So, let me see if I have this straight — according to Republicans, a pop star isn't qualified to say who should be president, but a reality tv game show host is qualified to BE president?

Do I have that about right?
— Jo (@JoJoFromJerz) September 11, 2024

September 12

it is very funny to post this when you've been the TV host for Access Hollywood and Extra over the past 16 years pic.twitter.com/rxb8kAkexz
— Matt Binder (@MattBinder) September 12, 2024

thank god bon jovi talking that lady down worked. otherwise the story is just "conversation with bon jovi appeared to be the final straw"
— amelia elizalde (@ameliaelizalde) September 12, 2024

just goes to show how short life can be even if youre healthy and 100% natural. wow https://t.co/iTZSWDhea5
— sam (@extramicrowave) September 12, 2024

help I am crying pic.twitter.com/QC27aXP3Hi
— Lauren McKenzie (@TheMcKenziest) September 12, 2024

Allegiant airlines charges for a glass of water but you know what's free? Ice. Now we wait. pic.twitter.com/1r3RegBuof
— gianmarco (@GianmarcoSoresi) September 12, 2024

hadn't really considered the "at least we will get a few cool pictures" angle on climate change https://t.co/NAqqCpjTj0
— lauren (@Very__Regular) September 12, 2024

Our live primetime closer look special is up on youtube. I'm so proud of the incredible team that got this on air and in awe of @sethmeyers ability to be wildly entertaining alone at a desk for 40 minutes. watch at home while sitting with (or eating) a pet https://t.co/rPnMwHLR9y
— Sal Gentile (@salgentile) September 12, 2024

Bwahahahahahhahahha.

People on TikTok are trolling Donald Trump for saying migrants are eating cats.

"New lesbian anthem just dropped" had me rolling.

Although we all know MAGA is sorely lacking in the cat eating department if you catch my drift. pic.twitter.com/ip5ZET4IqC
— Art Candee 🍿🥤 (@ArtCandee) September 12, 2024

Eric Adams right now: https://t.co/Vw9J9aoBCW pic.twitter.com/AOwBN5kiaM
— Isaac (@GalaxyPeaBrain) September 12, 2024

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: September 13, 2024

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