We asked Lauren Boebert to autograph a "Beetlejuice The Musical" playbill, a pear's YouTube channel, BBL, a spell, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

May 10

For a second I thought she cast a spell that made her hat change colors https://t.co/XbuwBwjDc4
— ᴡᴀʟᴋᴇʀTKL (@walkertkl) May 11, 2024

Phew, just in time. https://t.co/ML00sYGhhe
— Rocky (@viperwave) May 10, 2024

A great example of why writers rooms are essential. This entire sequence was written by a group of writers in one afternoon

None of us would've come up with ANY of this on our own

We inspired each other

I know the strike is over but there still aren't enough writers rooms https://t.co/ghvC51zhou
— Josh Weinstein (@Joshstrangehill) May 11, 2024

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children
— Robert Jones (@stanton_jones) May 10, 2024

$6 and the burrito was the size of a new born https://t.co/6g5FSWCnCO
— Naieem (@KnownAsNai) May 10, 2024

Seat mate on yesterday's flight said he knew me from somewhere and I was like probably not and this dude says 'did you wear a black tutu and a Slayer tee to see the Cocteau Twins in Detroit in 1990?' I was like, well fuk yes that was me! He said he never forgot my fit. Same, man
— dream hampton (@dreamhampton) May 10, 2024

Steve Albini, Gen X 👑 pic.twitter.com/NVfip2FSQX
— Megan Abbott (@meganeabbott) May 10, 2024

https://t.co/TPDB5BuGgC pic.twitter.com/x1XLwgt8kT
— nik0p0l (@nik0p0l5) May 10, 2024

norm macdonald invented hating the canucks with one perfect reason pic.twitter.com/ZiCR3endid
— housewife, esq (@educ8edhouzwife) May 11, 2024

fixed it https://t.co/WpGR7HCinE pic.twitter.com/MtyT6yWkCy
— I Think You Should Leave 💦🥩 (@ITYSL_memes) May 10, 2024

I have no idea what's happening here, but I am thoroughly invested in this physical expression of dance. pic.twitter.com/Wl8c4z9w2Z
— Melissa 2024 Edition 🟦🟩🟨🟧🟪 (@Meltart) May 10, 2024

Man This The Funniest Shit I've Seen This Week 😂😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/pBvkoywmmc
— First Class 🏁 (@1DJFirstClass) May 10, 2024

F.A.N.- Drake
Step this way - R. Kelly
Hey, Hey, Hey - B. Cosby

Naw man. Kendrick is ridiculous lmao
— Tshepo (@zeefu_apx) May 10, 2024

Like there has got to be crack in this song lmfaooo
— Scottie (@ScottieBeam) May 10, 2024

Drake fans will never hear Drake's Music the same way

After the Kendrick Lamar Battle 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/5DNsksDlTl
— Culture Ent. (@culture__ent) May 10, 2024

I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone take a harder L culturally. https://t.co/8IkGPvZdrJ
— Franklin Leonard (@franklinleonard) May 10, 2024

it'd be so funny if drakes final track was just him being like "uhhh I think you meant HALEY JOEL OSMENT" but didn't address anything else
— Skyler Higley (@skyler_higley) May 10, 2024

His life flashed before his eyes pic.twitter.com/scbffM8TXt
— Shooter McGavin (@ShooterMcGavin_) May 10, 2024

First Anthony Edwards? https://t.co/IJleKySH2d pic.twitter.com/wQN6ThQQym
— Franklin Leonard (@franklinleonard) May 10, 2024

this keyser söze mf https://t.co/9KcIFKgUzB
— Desus MF Nice💯 (@desusnice) May 11, 2024

this is one of those situations where even after reading a very plain and clear caption telling me what to expect, actually seeing/hearing it was still unexpected https://t.co/yZDGYKtCHD
— Hanif Abdurraqib (@NifMuhammad) May 10, 2024

Not being dramatic when I say this is the best photo on Earth https://t.co/nefIZc2xuy
— L 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 (@InchOrInfinity) May 10, 2024

May 11

Australian people seeing the northern lights: https://t.co/t6gTSL1ikM
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) May 11, 2024

I'm starting a support group for people who didn't see the Northern Lights last night.

We are valid. Stop erasing our existence

Any joiners

This is our flag pic.twitter.com/sCIpt5rSNn
— Helen Nettleship (@Nettleshippy) May 11, 2024

brain convinced me this was a still from Team America for a second https://t.co/8jT0u0FtNI
— Blake ™ (@NeilNevins) May 11, 2024

he standing there like he the real one🤣🤣🤣 https://t.co/4DEpNMezdN
— 🎀 nae 🎀 (@rennaaakay) May 11, 2024

Installing a bidet at home was life changing but unfortunately it's transformed pooping on company time from a small proletarian victory into yet another grueling humiliation of inadequate working conditions.
— Sofia ''Buff Girlfriend'' (@sofiabuffgf) May 11, 2024

Me at work doing the bare minimum while being the most impactful. https://t.co/8IvFtrtQqs
— Teneika Askew | Analytics & Automation (@teneikaask_you) May 12, 2024

Anyone who has ever worked in food service knows Mother's Day brunch is the worst shift of the year. People are such assholes about everything which is so funny because - my guy, your mom can wait 10 more minutes, she's used to disappointment - she had you.
— sheologian (@sheologian) May 11, 2024

watched a dude carry a screaming toddler across the parking lot. he noticed me looking at him and said "he's mine, i'm not stealing him" and then before i could reply he added "if i was gonna take one, it definitely wouldn't be this asshole"
— nash flynn (@itsnashflynn) May 12, 2024

this some shit you'd see in squidward city https://t.co/TqDvGJWJ0Y
— 𝑮𝑹𝑹𝑳 (@GRRLmusic) May 12, 2024

Toronto's like, "What if we give you LA traffic and Chicago weather but everything costs $3 million dollars and the urban landscape is just pot shops and condo showrooms."
— JP Larocque🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ (@jplarocque) May 11, 2024

Embarrassing but predictable how all the funny stuff is coming from the Ireland side https://t.co/6OQ6jnOYVl
— Justin Whang 🐙 (@JustinWhang) May 11, 2024

2 days later https://t.co/5eA4G6C2IM pic.twitter.com/x52NtulI42
— kouki (@AthelWah) May 11, 2024

my uber driver just shared with me his belief that trends in human society are determined by the government waterboarding aliens until they pick a thing to be popular, and that's why everyone suddenly had an air fryer at the same time. 1000 out of 5 stars
— girlboss CTE vibes (@wallowingworm) May 11, 2024

there was actually a pretty famous carpenter who performed miracles https://t.co/rHzjP7JcsR
— kc (@powcampsurvivor) May 11, 2024

well the universe said free palestine. https://t.co/uQv6p74ESn
— s (@yoongienthusias) May 12, 2024

Thats fair miranda https://t.co/HBKU5RbvT5
— expert youtube viewer (@pondexplorer) May 11, 2024

Trump: Silence of the lamb! The late great Hannibal Lecter. It is a wonderful man. pic.twitter.com/edG9oCH933
— Acyn (@Acyn) May 11, 2024

At a New Jersey rally, Donald Trump made repeated reference to "the late, great Hannibal Lecter" and confused Jimmy Carter with Jimmy Connors—forcing a difficult conversation about Biden's age and mental acuity.
— New York Times Pitchbot (@DougJBalloon) May 12, 2024

Fun fact: among the provinces, only Newfoundland has a higher unemployment rate than Alberta. https://t.co/HW2t20kyO1
— Max Fawcett 🇨🇦 (@maxfawcett) May 11, 2024

This is an all-time community note. https://t.co/7RU5wBphPe
— Andy Bailey (@AndrewDBailey) May 12, 2024

chet chasing him with his arms out like how the monsters would chase the kids in scooby doo is so fucking funny to me 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 https://t.co/Ku6kaODGfz
— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) May 11, 2024

This is deadass the most accurate thing I've ever seen on the internet https://t.co/bituk3dwT9
— 𝙊𝙥 (@CLE_Optimistic) May 12, 2024

May 12

The bad guys in Home Alone when they have to outsmart an 8 year old pic.twitter.com/CtSvtyyAew
— Ashtyn Butuso (@lil_buts) May 13, 2024

How awesome is Anthony Edwards that he can make you root for a team that also features Karl Anthony Towns and Rudy Gobert? It's like buying an album where Bruce Springsteen is backed up by Imagine Dragons.
— Gourmet Spud (@gourmetspud) May 13, 2024

Maya Rudolph continues the tradition of honoring her mom Minnie Riperton when she hosts SNL by recreating her album covers ❤️ pic.twitter.com/wMs3qOr4s3
— Saturday Night Network (@thesnlnetwork) May 12, 2024

Breakfast In Bed Served To Mom Who Just Got Eaten Out https://t.co/RKln8KNqf7
— The Onion (@TheOnion) May 12, 2024

Target says it's no longer selling pride merchandise, then explain this? pic.twitter.com/1QhaJGQWXY
— ✨Spiff ✨ (@Space_Man_Spiff) May 12, 2024

ai can't do this. Can't create this. This beauty. Raw https://t.co/qM9PCgqqf7
— Arwen (@OATMlLKLATTE) May 13, 2024

MAGAs biggest enemy is Community Notes 🤣 pic.twitter.com/usvtgC48ay
— Alex Cole (@acnewsitics) May 13, 2024

Wait....what kind of good time? https://t.co/Is4X57EHha
— Randy Baumann (@DVERandy) May 12, 2024

Finding a white person's dog would fix all my financial problems.
— Lu 🤍 (@liwetweets) May 12, 2024

this remains one of my favorite pieces of internet cultural criticism pic.twitter.com/722WCUehm6
— Kristin Merrilees (@kristnmerrilees) May 13, 2024

put a fried egg on my croque monsieur to make it a croque madame and now jk rowling is outside my house yelling
— katie (@katefeetie) May 12, 2024

pic.twitter.com/WGNyb88H3F
— Jake Tropila (@JakeTropila) May 13, 2024

May 13

he's been on a press tour for weeks and not one single journalist has brought up his genocidal views. comedians are still treating him like he's normal (bc they are famously spineless). the only people whove treated him with the disrespect he deserved were these students ❤️ https://t.co/th7eDVAhFT
— sarah hagi (@KindaHagi) May 13, 2024

Bob's my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.
— Bob Golen (@BobGolen) May 14, 2024

the fact that dj mustard's real name is dijon makes me scream like that was so creative and big brained of him
— SALINA (@REDSEASHAWTY) May 14, 2024

enjoy vampire weekend?

thank a vampire labor union.
— Amber Flannery Field (@AmericasComic) May 13, 2024

me, driving at 3am: so fun cool adventure

me, seeing another car at 3am: what the fuck are u up to u shady bastard
— tate (@50FirstTates) May 13, 2024

https://t.co/SVluoNgg99 pic.twitter.com/pDfNK1cIDm
— mister springtime (@mustachetoilet) May 13, 2024

It is so wild how Facebook started as a way for Harvard incels to play smash or pass and now it's just grandmas getting scammed by robots. What a journey.
— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) May 14, 2024

Special comes out tomorrow on YouTube pic.twitter.com/FrcsCLfFLM
— Conner O'Malley (@conner_omalley) May 13, 2024

So many guys in the comments being like "uhhh you got it for less than 10% of its cost" and I'm convinced I could sell them a 200 dollar potato if I told them it was marked down from 2k https://t.co/6gF5chTkzV
— Dan Sheehan (@ItsDanSheehan) May 13, 2024

"why am i fucking listening to you like youve done something" is the reaction everyone everywhere should have all the time to 99.99999% of punditry https://t.co/1dxqfww5VJ
— Andrew Lawrence (@ndrew_lawrence) May 14, 2024

Burr rules, he did the same thing to Rogan about the vaccines -- we need him to go on every idiot's show and remind them that they're just a dumbass comic https://t.co/A6jRFTW48g
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) May 14, 2024

I asked my 8yo if he liked my sleeveless blouse, he said "the color's fine, but I don't like public armpits" 😭 Public. Armpits. It's going straight to Goodwill
— sarah (@sarahradz_) May 13, 2024

I was at the park this morning and some kid said, "Hey dad, do you want to play 'is it a fart or a shart'?" And the dad said, "That is a game for HOME!"
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) May 13, 2024

https://t.co/ZBjQWRvV4f pic.twitter.com/GjTT22Ldl4
— reilly kate (@helloreilly) May 13, 2024

I believe that belongs to Mr. Gilmore! https://t.co/qkOyL1SALS
— Brian (@BrianJNBA) May 13, 2024

every ex-smoker spends one minute a day fantasizing about an alternate reality where smoking is good for you
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 13, 2024

Hit by another car? Hit by a meteor? https://t.co/CXbF1SSjPr
— T. Ryan Gregory (@TRyanGregory) May 14, 2024

May 14

UPDATE: The Justice Department has been found dead of suspected suicide https://t.co/Y9VjcJBKYC
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) May 15, 2024

let me just go ahead and get a landline too https://t.co/bhJTDsWB0m
— ashley ray🍦ice cream money out 3/1 (@theashleyray) May 14, 2024

can't even show your bouncy big naturals to the dubliners inside the NYC portal anymore… because of woke! https://t.co/2pWsN3rjAw
— Haley OC (@MILFWEEED) May 14, 2024

NYT gonna run 6 dozen articles on Biden's age to try and cover for the fact that Cohen directly described Maggie Haberman as a stenographer for Trump https://t.co/2ayuqSiAXm
— James Drippens (@ShamebyJames) May 14, 2024

Oh hey, Maggie Haberman sat on extremely important information about Trump for years to save for her book, again.

Anyways: pic.twitter.com/zT8aFPm53e
— vijay (@vijayvinyl) May 14, 2024

Insane to have a joke that's like 8 jokes like 20 seconds. https://t.co/ubeiyDR7Rz pic.twitter.com/fhuoRixxgS
— Anonymous Kaiju (@Ex_AnarchoAnon) May 15, 2024

I really like Bill Burr's whole arc. If you watch his specials chronologically, it's basically about a guy whose functional marriage is slowly making him less insane
— Haus of Decline (@hausofdecline) May 14, 2024

will never resist an excuse to bring back this video https://t.co/JI2lUkbsv1 pic.twitter.com/jKeN2vJaex
— Molly Morrison (@mollyhannahm) May 15, 2024

I've known some dudes who looked like Jokic, only shorter, and every single one of these guys was ticklish - Rudy has gotta start tickling
— ian karmel (@IanKarmel) May 15, 2024

if Abe Lincoln was a coke dealer at the U of Miami pic.twitter.com/vab5ZxvORi
— Grizzlam (@grizzzlam) May 15, 2024

Going to be tough to top the Titans' 2023 schedule release 😭

🎥: @Titans pic.twitter.com/2myLQCOOr9 https://t.co/U5U2t9akWP
— The 33rd Team (@The33rdTeamFB) May 14, 2024

thank you, person wearing 7 pounds of hair gel who plays the only position on the football field where you legally can't get touched, for this rousing talk on masculinity https://t.co/rOtoTpO0sA
— Tyler Conway (@jtylerconway) May 14, 2024

BREAKING: Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker challenging Jets quarterback Aaron Rodgers for position of NFL player most in need of shutting the fuck up.
— Feodor Chin 🇺🇸❄️ (@FeoChin) May 15, 2024

You mean to tell me that TOM BRADY made a career decision without thinking about how it would affect his family?!?!? https://t.co/747xcoH2yn
— Dustin Nickerson (@DustinNickerson) May 14, 2024

zendaya in challengers pic.twitter.com/IKmiMQF5z4
— resident girlfailure (@smbdytoundrss) May 15, 2024

Everything is 30 rock or Veep now https://t.co/xsO7PconFH
— aaron. (@ayroned) May 14, 2024

May 15

that one politician from missouri but better pic.twitter.com/eKJHbUAXrb
— limp brittzkit (@Brittymigs) May 15, 2024

Venue idea https://t.co/dKHq8WZSYc pic.twitter.com/5DbeGkswk3
— Themperor Kennedy🐸🏳️‍🌈 (@kennedytcooper) May 16, 2024

me after 2 vodka crans https://t.co/Jr0Bi7Wrmx
— carl marks (@lethalrejection) May 16, 2024

nobody wants to work anymore https://t.co/Iqu02KNhK6
— Armand Domalewski (@ArmandDoma) May 15, 2024

i love how Bill Burr keeps proving you can be a rich famous comedian without losing your mind and all it takes is having a single healthy normal human relationship https://t.co/gT7PbcsWT2
— Robert Evans (The Only Robert Evans) (@IwriteOK) May 15, 2024

We're electing the world's most expensive coke habit as PM https://t.co/Fh2gIPcxEK
— TDot Resident (@TDotResident) May 15, 2024

Danielle Smith claims wildfires would never have happened if trees refused to get vaccinated https://t.co/Y57rkDuDEv
— The Beaverton (@TheBeaverton) May 15, 2024

I feel like we moved past the "a worm ate part of RFK Jr's brain and died bc the tissue was lined with so much mercury from all the tuna he eats constantly" news a little fast. A lot going on, but that's one of the most insane things I've ever learned about another person.
— serge daney mcbride (@abs_sweetmarie) May 15, 2024

i'm crying most celebrities are too scared to ever open their mouths abt anything meanwhile ethel cain is out here putting herself on government watchlists..let her cook https://t.co/1PHmOgak4g
— aylin ☽ (@weepingcaesar) May 15, 2024

Mustard on the beat hoe https://t.co/OsioFRqBuG
— ꜰʟᴀᴍᴇ (@LAxFLAME) May 16, 2024

Dua Lipa is a fantastic singer AND Mario's advice to Luigi when he wants to get on a slightly higher platform
— Brian Lynch (@BrianLynch) May 15, 2024

Please green screen him in, don't even animate him https://t.co/9wh51kuQhf
— Simon Macko 💜 (@Shoocharu) May 15, 2024

imagine seeing ronald mcdonald eating his first cheeseburger…would be mental x https://t.co/A66KNPgB9h
— 𝑮𝑹𝑹𝑳 (@GRRLmusic) May 15, 2024

pic.twitter.com/m5csp2a1nr
— francis wolf (@francisxwolf) May 16, 2024

I didn't even get to the antisemitic part. He really tried to corner every market. https://t.co/vFw7XleMDT
— Zito (@_Zeets) May 15, 2024

My girlfriend: I know absolutely nothing about sports but I just saw that Chiefs kicker speech, and I can tell you that he's 100% in the closet.

The internet: pic.twitter.com/XKGsiP7Pd1
— Joe Praino (@FixYourLife) May 15, 2024

lmao pic.twitter.com/OxUTKkAbjy
— P.E. Moskowitz (@_pem_pem) May 15, 2024

Going for a run in your mid-thirties pic.twitter.com/vZ4Tz6X8bp
— Charlotte Wilder (@TheWilderThings) May 16, 2024

A hundred years ago Nikola Jokic would have been the top blacksmith in Sombor and a hundred years from now he would be a guy kept alive to shovel uranium fuel pellets into Omnium the planet sized supercomputer. It's only in this specific era that we get to see him play basketball
— Brooks Otterlake (@i_zzzzzz) May 16, 2024

Draymond has been added to Inside the NBA to make it easier for all of us to let go. One final masterstroke from the best studio show in history.
— Andrew Sharp (@andrewsharp) May 16, 2024

Always worth repeating pic.twitter.com/cNOZqdGqOv
— Dina (@dinahashem_) May 15, 2024

the artist painted him in HELL, i'm crying 😭😭 https://t.co/1vhFKN7SUa
— rebecca (@abcdrih) May 15, 2024

Tupperware after you put pasta in it once pic.twitter.com/hZW3PkvMSW
— Ross McCafferty (@RossMcCaff) May 15, 2024

This bastard probably loves Mondays too. Sickening. https://t.co/a4iIiWvRA1
— Christian "Kris" Dobbins (@C_Dobbins) May 15, 2024

A woman named Grandma https://t.co/b2r0hzZOmZ
— Carey O'Donnell (@ecareyo) May 15, 2024

Being escorted out of a gun show for rating them based on mouth feel.
— Amanda!🏴 🔯 (@AshenheartMetal) May 15, 2024

every sex scene is necessary to me, a pervert https://t.co/GzD0EnImGz
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) May 15, 2024

They'll literally release a chemical cloud over the earth before doing anything that might threaten capital https://t.co/erVeQqKd8Z
— K ☭ (@IbaraEleven) May 15, 2024

You're a slave to capitalism. https://t.co/ifk508hMC5
— 𝕱aith Love (@Izzyalright) May 15, 2024

Um, literally NO Canadian ever says that. pic.twitter.com/t8laAjvIZK
— Audric Moses 🇨🇦 (@audricmoses) May 16, 2024

May 16

Okay but that was an elite parallel park https://t.co/ZVOolnMEs4
— comfy (@ihatethiskid) May 16, 2024

respect the game but he needs to work on his caressing https://t.co/iVwbD6TgvO
— Miles Klee's Ghost Profile (@youwouldntpost) May 16, 2024

The fact that I had to check @laurenboebert's Twitter page to see if this was real speaks volumes about her. pic.twitter.com/CScPWn8mT3
— Jon Cooper (@joncoopertweets) May 16, 2024

"Olive oil is going up again why"

My brother our countries are lighting olive trees ablaze and murdering families in hopes of discouraging people from remaining in their homes and on their traditional lands

That's why
— 👁👄👁 (but rude now) (@greenteabaggie) May 16, 2024

Truly incredibly 4 part story pic.twitter.com/x2uOFVtSji
— B.W. Carlin (@BaileyCarlin) May 16, 2024

Ope! pic.twitter.com/cMcvWvZXvw
— Jess Piper (@piper4missouri) May 16, 2024

Oh no, she thinks she's holding a really big dog. pic.twitter.com/v5pRkJQXCB
— Dave Shumka (@daveshumka) May 16, 2024

Checking to make sure they're both alright before laughing for 11 uninterrupted minutes at BRIANNA CHICKENFRY https://t.co/LbNDAiQIbn
— Jesse (@MuskTillDawn) May 16, 2024

Larry David himself couldn't come up with a funnier bit than this pic.twitter.com/T39C3b78Kb
— Sam Cahn (@samcahntent) May 16, 2024

I bet this shit hits so hard if you're stupid pic.twitter.com/YGR7MkfXVn
— lissi al gaib (@sumbitches) May 16, 2024

that's suspiciously exactly what Melissa would say https://t.co/yF6FiQo7vi
— ̊ (@doxie_gay) May 16, 2024

Need every Dunkin in the country to fly their flags at half-mast https://t.co/QqIDuZFowf
— Liam Fennessy (@LiamFennessy_) May 16, 2024

sorry boss i can't come into the office today. someone posted "what's the best simpsons joke" and there are 2,000 out of context 80 second clips i memorized when i was 14 that i need to rewatch
— lauren (@Very__Regular) May 16, 2024

"Huge Netflix star"? I don't even need to read the article. https://t.co/PpAfDpl9kl pic.twitter.com/PlVtKrJyKT
— COVID and Cambria (@BoringDrew) May 16, 2024

Boebert's teenage son, Tyler Boebert, was in court 7 days ago, without his mother and without a lawyer, but here she is in New York, in court, for Donald Trump. pic.twitter.com/ItURtPJgXX
— Alex Cole (@acnewsitics) May 16, 2024

We asked Lauren Boebert to autograph a "Beetlejuice The Musical" playbill outside the courthouse today. pic.twitter.com/ZJAmreCfJw
— The Good Liars (@TheGoodLiars) May 16, 2024

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: May 17, 2024

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