Learn About Beef, pizza thief, a code switch beyond belief, Joe gets grief, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

June 21

I hate 4 way stops cuz everybody stupid
— Weighn (@iAmMrCarson) June 21, 2024

pic.twitter.com/8aLFHavRHo
— INZANE JOHNNY (@olsonpower) June 21, 2024

Not having a driver's license as someone in your 20s or 30s is climate change activism. Asking your friend for a ride is creating community, reinvigorating the global village. Be proud of yourself.
— Ramsey Kilani 🌐🔰 (@Ramsey_Kilani) June 21, 2024

pic.twitter.com/L2OUwoNvWb
— Lina (@d0rkph0enix) June 21, 2024

Meanwhile, 63-year old Julianne Moore… https://t.co/URkUqYi5Kc pic.twitter.com/k4ZGp7aqxN
— Uriel (@UrielTheMan21) June 21, 2024

My nephew just told this man in Chipotle "My auntie's body is NOT for your eyes!"

I was feeling so protected & loved til I turned around to see the finest man I ever seen in my life.

Gotta show my nephew a flow chart
— BBL Stephyy 🍑 (@stef_oh_nee) June 21, 2024

chappell roan has remained so strong while facing all the pressures and peculiarities of fame. i could never pretend to like jimmy fallon
— mount bellyache (@mountbellyache) June 21, 2024

Not to expose myself for being dumb—but the vet told me my dog had a spot that might be a melanoma and the first words out of my mouth were "oh that does run in our family." Like, I really forgot for a sec that I did not give birth to her.
— Caitlin Canahai (@caitlincanahey) June 21, 2024

what's wrong, babe? You haven't touched your feetza pic.twitter.com/u3LwTTrYwG
— Stone Cold Jane Austen (@AbbyHiggs) June 21, 2024

pic.twitter.com/dLRwzwere5
— Jazz Memes (@JazzMemes_) June 21, 2024

Black people are less then 5% of the population of Canada. This isn't great replacement it's quite literally a skill issue. https://t.co/HVR8mT3o9m
— Naletale (@Naletale_) June 22, 2024

Does he know the past few years were on camera? https://t.co/qBUimsge7p
— Silas P. Silas (@KennySpenceNBA) June 21, 2024

Your team won and immediately left to go to Miami. https://t.co/KYHfRafnMA
— Franky (@FrankyG_) June 21, 2024

Dudes rock so severely pic.twitter.com/RhnOghb0YI
— trupm 2024 hat (@nickhexum311) June 21, 2024

If Twitter was invented in 1939 https://t.co/W7MybqlGLI
— Pete (@Pete_Martuneac) June 21, 2024

Isn't it awesome that they're going to straight up doom us to live in a Mad Max apocalypse because they got too horny at the idea of making everyone unemployable. pic.twitter.com/Z1Z1QH4SN1
— Ashley Lynch ✂️🎞️ (@ashleylynch) June 22, 2024

"If it's hot outside, we can raise the price of water and ice cream." https://t.co/mrg4PvkKSl pic.twitter.com/ullRKuJPmj
— Josh (@JoshC0301) June 21, 2024

June 22

I'm sorry for the person I was when we were panic cleaning before guests.
— ♿️Maestro Flúgər(he/him) (@maestrofloogur) June 22, 2024

Finally… found a house for the real shitters pic.twitter.com/mk5z2jyLXz
— Zachary G. (@That_Guy_Zachh) June 22, 2024

I live opposite a park and I've just had two teenagers knock on my door and ask if they can order pizza to my address as they can't to the park. So lovely and polite, a credit to their parents and of course, I said it was no problem. Shame that I'll eat their pizza though…
— ⓟⓞⓟⓢ (@Pops__o) June 22, 2024

this is my dream costco experience https://t.co/LyVjraYfMz
— alyssa (@alyssalerae) June 22, 2024

me not buying a treat at the store so i can save money: haha fuck yeah!!! yes!!!

me at home without a treat: well this fucking sucks. what the fuck
— Twunk in Training 🇵🇸 (@AceHainley) June 22, 2024

Seems fair to me. pic.twitter.com/Vae9wkhXCM
— BladeoftheSun (@BladeoftheS) June 22, 2024

I'm sorry pic.twitter.com/gj4HbBlK8e
— Wake Meat Up Before You Go-Go🪩 (@meatsical) June 22, 2024

Boo hoo pic.twitter.com/AYowW2nsHP https://t.co/kS8MQzc4lw
— . (@Notdojaaa) June 22, 2024

how the fuck has nobody caught this kid yet https://t.co/b8q9AI5UlP
— hotdog water (@saltysauerkraut) June 22, 2024

Acab but maybe let this one cook a little https://t.co/qWVGpY2QBO
— saddy mayonnaise (@saddymayo) June 22, 2024

The term "cost of living" should radicalize you.
— Briana Mills, LMFT ♿️🏳️‍🌈 (@theBrianaMills) June 22, 2024

I like that being utterly unfuckable is now a political stance https://t.co/FyWjHNnAE4
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) June 23, 2024

Doesn't seem like a fair matchup but I'll be rooting for her 😔🙏 pic.twitter.com/cQ6bZN5zsJ
— A. Jack McKenzie (@jackmckenzie5) June 22, 2024

Oh she's a professional gold digger. I was not familiar with her game lol https://t.co/ChdtFmomuf
— Jack McGuire (@JackMacCFB) June 22, 2024

"was it the sweatpants" exciting new high utility punchline pic.twitter.com/HlWNwGgRke
— Saint Joseph (@JuliusIrvington) June 23, 2024

June 23

I'm not sure if yall are aware, but Kendrick Lamar has 17 Grammys. https://t.co/Nit8S5kedn
— Thick Saban 💕 (@RaveenTheDream) June 23, 2024

During the movie today this couple was talking pretty loudly and when somebody turned around to shush them the guy very indignantly went "she was telling me something." Yeah man. We know what language is for
— Peter Raleigh (@PetreRaleigh) June 23, 2024

My boyfriend has started working from home 1 day a week. The way he speaks to his colleagues has been a bit of an eye opener that's making me reconsider our relationship. Just today i've heard him say the phrases low hanging fruit, synergy, proof in the pudding & extra bandwidth.
— fesshole 🧻🚽🧻 (@fesshole) June 23, 2024

pic.twitter.com/jAPGYg107n
— 🌹 🔥 🍉Dark Warlord 🍉🔥 🌹 (@drkwarlord) June 23, 2024

Having gay men on your mind while you're on your knees.

Pride month won. https://t.co/PQzqnSf9pU
— ☠️ Lilith Lovett ☠️ - Famous Minority (@LilithLovett) June 24, 2024

☠️ pic.twitter.com/hC493sYhC0
— Mark Jackson's Burner (@casualtakeking) June 23, 2024

Abe getting that good https://t.co/UdDhUgTOpC
— saddy mayonnaise (@saddymayo) June 23, 2024

I bet the best part of being in a throuple is that you have someone to do all three Beastie Boys parts at karaoke.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) June 23, 2024

…because i clean my floors and ppl rarely clean the bottom of their shoes pic.twitter.com/6da8ibn5tV
— ashley ray🍦stream ice cream money (@theashleyray) June 23, 2024

When you find out who doesn't have Asian friends. pic.twitter.com/aX2VuNGIEq
— Hari Kondabolu (@harikondabolu) June 24, 2024

10/10, no notes. pic.twitter.com/5QrVtTW7n1
— Dare Obasanjo🐀 (@Carnage4Life) June 23, 2024

may ai crumble the way nfts did inshaAllah
— lilz 🍉 (@lord_lila) June 24, 2024

I think about this interaction everyday of my life bro pic.twitter.com/Un5uZDDCKy
— CRIMEWAVE (@CRIMEWAVEUSA) June 23, 2024

June 24

i'm in madrid and…….?????!!! pic.twitter.com/8ZfkKlpkm8
— Vardaan Arora (@vardaanarora) June 24, 2024

Applying for jobs sometimes is wild like how am i supposed to be passionate about a company I don't even work for yet? 😂
— TM (@tshedz_m) June 24, 2024

Shit getting spooky out here #certifiedboogeyman pic.twitter.com/YxX6SQaWtg
— J to the Izzo (@2TheIzzo) June 24, 2024

BREAKING | "A bet's a bet." Ron DeSantis closes Camrose Hospital. https://t.co/dSxdjBRdVn
— Western Standard Pitchbot (@WesternStd) June 25, 2024

Here's Roy Orbison without his sunglasses on. And here's Pierre Poillievre. Now, all I'm saying is Roy played a set at the Jubilee Auditorium in Calgary on September 27th, 1978. Nine months later Pierre Poilievre was born on June 3 1979. pic.twitter.com/aGPdYUANTP
— Mark Critch (@markcritch) June 24, 2024

This lady just picked her husband up from the airport, kissed him and immediately went to the passenger seat lmao
— 808s & Backaches (@Craig__b) June 24, 2024

Bugs Bunny would've had this shit on https://t.co/tUkdFBYTeo
— paul (@paulswhtn) June 24, 2024

super unsettling to me that we're losing so many archives of pop culture history during this particular period of people thinking that having a twitter or tiktok account makes them a music business expert and culture historian without actually knowing much of anything at all https://t.co/GIZQPRJ81e
— 𝐋𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐚 (@bylarisha) June 24, 2024

yo, imagine being this stupid https://t.co/cyXXz79TVR
— average lady (@girlcloudnine) June 25, 2024

this has probably been said before, including by me, but I love when larry david recycles a bit from seinfeld in curb because it means the thing he's complaining about has been bothering him for, in some cases, decades https://t.co/IcAs3oiXxH
— Jordan Freiman (@JordanFreiman) June 24, 2024

dropping your father's last name summer https://t.co/u1EvLEZaCl
— primadonna (@versaceschanel) June 24, 2024

i just KNOW dave grohl jokingly poked fun at taylor swift because her stans decided to send death threats to his daughter for speaking up about her unnecessary use of her private jets

he's made that comment so the hate is directed at him to divert attention from his daughter
— ⎊ ♡ 𝑒𝒿 ♡ ⎊ (@OhMyEmz) June 24, 2024

That's my man y'all. pic.twitter.com/UIrOfxO5U9
— 🦇manda🦇 (@thehouseoflore) June 24, 2024

*nsync last week: https://t.co/mdXysUngfr
— kait ☕️ (@mcntanasky) June 24, 2024

Silver lining. https://t.co/egOHrfX3vh
— jordan (@JordanUhl) June 25, 2024

The way Google has become so useless that I need to add "Reddit" to the end of all my searches to actually get the information I'm looking for needs to be studied
— Heben Nigatu (@hebennigatu) June 24, 2024

AI seems like a very desperate swan song from an industry that got addicted to making money appear out of thin air. They constantly lie about what it can do, with few exceptions it's mostly useless, yet they're spending a fortune trying to shove this shit down our throats pic.twitter.com/GBelcO3ErQ
— the information pimp (@BirdRespecter) June 24, 2024

hahahahaha this sucks man https://t.co/iVQJrgj68O pic.twitter.com/L1lOe572Xj
— rax 'leads with her crotch' king (@RaxKingIsDead) June 24, 2024

can i show you guys something pic.twitter.com/hMaFHpxkoG
— twin princess (@twinprincessltd) June 24, 2024

June 25

Please hesitate to reach out to me.
— Amanda B (@amandajpanda) June 26, 2024

no i don't want to jump on a call i want to jump off a building
— erin chack (@ErinChack) June 25, 2024

we can't all be underemployed creatives someone in the group chat needs to know what insurance is
— rishi (@rishipuff) June 25, 2024

Life tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website's name as your middle name. That way when you receive spam/advert emails, you will know who sold your info.
— Isaac Marv✨🖤 (@the_isaacmarv) June 25, 2024

genuinely couldn't care less what people think about the situation, but taylor swift fans posting pics of kurt cobain's suicide and laughing because they don't like dave grohl is insane parasocial behaviour
— ⎊ ♡ 𝑒𝒿 ♡ ⎊ (@OhMyEmz) June 25, 2024

I've taken a lot of psychic damage this year but learning that Jamiroquai dumped Winona Ryder for being too busty AND horny has done me in. I'm like Jimmy Stewart in Vertigo after Madeline falls—catatonic in bed, hallucinating about being trapped in the "Virtual Insanity" room
— Emperor Norton (@ashleynaftule) June 25, 2024

this is still the funniest post anyone's ever made pic.twitter.com/FwTGeCveyr
— s (@Iauraroslin) June 26, 2024

We need an age restriction on this app https://t.co/E0fht1fiWx
— Iron Heart ❤️ (@FitChickJen) June 25, 2024

The LA riots were 32 years ago. "Falling Down" was made 31 years ago. The homicide rate in LA County was more than twice as high 30 years ago as it is today. pic.twitter.com/id3LwROTf3
— James Surowiecki (@JamesSurowiecki) June 25, 2024

imagine getting in a boat, plane or car with a Kennedy pic.twitter.com/Qmi2dfZMQU
— hawk tuah appreciator (@youwouldntpost) June 25, 2024

Robert's tweet could be wildly improved with a pair of quotation marks. https://t.co/lNkzTTpBLO
— Roger Baker (@RogerJBaker) June 26, 2024

And she made them find her a studio where she lived so she could record. She was *not* going to LA. 😂 https://t.co/kAHtSDK10c
— Nick Fury (@WritingTheWrong) June 25, 2024

museums should be open til like midnight, i don't want to go to the club i want to go look at art or bugs
— zoë (@zoebur_nett) June 26, 2024

Have you ever been cremated? https://t.co/zbLDvm5Ji9
— 🕶️ (@ItWazntLee) June 25, 2024

There are over 11,000 of these insane deathtraps already on our roads.

This Cybertruck accelerated unexpectedly right into a neighbor's house, while the owner had his foot firmly the break.

In fact, the last 50 feet the back wheels were locked up and it still wouldn't stop. pic.twitter.com/c67hlnKHFT
— Christopher David (@Tazerface16) June 25, 2024

pic.twitter.com/AcDvIaInaO
— UAE Exotic Falconry & Finance𓅃 (@FalconryFinance) June 26, 2024

ADHD is so dumb, where could I possibly have hidden a family size bag of salt & vinegar chips in my studio apartment
— Joey Sunshine (@deestlore) June 26, 2024

June 26

first time seeing someone with their glasses off https://t.co/wgPMJSBiR2
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) June 26, 2024

First time buying fireworks and I wasn't sure I'd picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high-foured me.
— 𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖_𝔾𝕦𝕣𝕝 (@SundaeDivine) June 26, 2024

If you see someone crying ask them if it's because of their haircut
— LorazeKim ™ 🏴‍☠️🇺🇸🇮🇹🏁 (@_KimberleyAnna) June 26, 2024

My body count? You mean the number of paragraphs between my introduction and my conclusion?
— John Attridge (@John_Attridge) June 26, 2024

I went with my Grandma to see his new motorcycle movie, she said, "he can put his boots under my bed anytime," she's 87. https://t.co/tx34bulrPF
— Gina (@itssginaa) June 26, 2024

We live in a time of such disconnect from production and growth of food that unripe fruit has become a conspiracy theory https://t.co/3OS4gbSMQD
— Joe B (@TheStarman923) June 26, 2024

remember when the internet worked and people were on it and you could learn things that were true
— Anthony Oliveira (@meakoopa) June 26, 2024

Every other day a thousand people get laid off while an entire digital archive gets deleted and meanwhile we're expected to get on our knees and pledge allegiance to a plagiarism machine that stole all of our creativity from those same humans that keep getting laid off & deleted https://t.co/5g4yIJ3jMN
— ali golub 🌼 (@alibrooke4ever) June 26, 2024

Turns out that getting rid of physical media and trusting corporations were two *terrible* ideas.
— Fade In on Τwitter (@fadeinsoftware) June 26, 2024

Be careful with how you oppose unspeakable cruelty and evil you might alienate some people
— Marxist Lynchist 🇳🇬🇵🇸 (@dklmarxist) June 26, 2024

You think Sheryl Crow gon' let you disrespect Pac? https://t.co/smANPGp70N
— MKUltraboost (@hashy_larry) June 26, 2024

Be the elephant you wish to see in the room.
— Jacob Wren (@EverySongIveEve) June 26, 2024

COVID rebrand just dropped https://t.co/VujFjAQLjK
— Elamin Abdelmahmoud (@elamin88) June 26, 2024

y'all be like "oof this heat wave" whole time it's global warming in first stage of the apocalypse
— 𝖈𝖍𝖑𝖔𝖊́ 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔢 𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖑 (@UGLYROLEMODEL) June 26, 2024

Y'all want these celebrities to stop using jets or not? https://t.co/ZVg6SYwBPA
— Sisa (@TheTitanBaddie) June 26, 2024

One of the biggest mistakes was letting it be called climate change. It sounds pleasant. It doesn't sound like it may kill your family.
— Matthew Todd 🌏🔥 (@MrMatthewTodd) June 26, 2024

June 27

maybe the funniest explanation for a recall i've seen pic.twitter.com/99Ws47l7Dk
— beer person (@CantEverDie) June 27, 2024

32th https://t.co/st7WrxTI5C
— leviya (@lisco_2000) June 27, 2024

It has been discovered that LeBron James is sleeping with his newest teammate's mom
— Steven Cheah (@StevenCheah) June 27, 2024

😂😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/uOP1s9Jk4Z
— Darth Craven (@CrazyCraven01) June 27, 2024

I suppose I could log off for a bit pic.twitter.com/Eu5Hr4g6KC
— Katie Nolan (probably) (@katienolan) June 27, 2024

The code-switch at 0:28 must be seen to be believed pic.twitter.com/WAySszuQGo
— Jacob Rubashkin (@JacobRubashkin) June 27, 2024

my 2024 debate drinking game, enjoy: pic.twitter.com/i0JqmO76Vi
— MJ (@morganisawizard) June 27, 2024

Trump being muted while President Biden is talking and unable to interrupt him and having to let him complete his points might literally kill him.
— Cooper (@justcuuper) June 27, 2024

he will win 40 states if he calls him a sick fuck to his face tonight. pic.twitter.com/TGlsvT4LV3
— Florida Chris (@chrislongview) June 27, 2024

So Trump is just gonna lie, CNN is going to let it happen, and Biden has a frog in his throat so it's just like…what tf is this
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) June 28, 2024

"He's losing his voice so vote for the felon"

Y'all stupid as a June day is long.
— Ehren (@CampArlington) June 28, 2024

This format was a bit of a trap, Trump is lying his ass off and no fact checks.
— NoelCaslerComedy🌙 (@caslernoel) June 28, 2024

Biden: look, the fact is, we can't… we don't… look. Here's the deal. And this is no foolin

Trump: there are ten billion guatemalans attacking the lincoln memorial right now
— drew janda (@drewjanda) June 28, 2024

Define Black jobs and Hispanic jobs. QUICKLY.
— Natasha Lightfoot 🇦🇬 (@njlightfoot) June 28, 2024

Report: Uh Oh, They're About To Talk About Black People
— The Onion (@TheOnion) June 28, 2024

What the hell is a "Black job?!"
— Jaime Harrison (@harrisonjaime) June 28, 2024

Biden: If I'm elected I'm gonna restore roe v wade

Bitch you are elected. right now.
— alice hamilton (@AliceRHamilton) June 28, 2024

THEY TALKING ABOUT GOLF?!
— Josh Hart (@joshhart) June 28, 2024

Cannot fact check this golf exchange
— Daniel Dale (@ddale8) June 28, 2024

I like both candidates but I think we need somebody older
— Cody (@AltHistCody) June 28, 2024

I say give them both a Roku remote and the first one to start a movie gets to be president
— Robby Slowik (@RobbySlowik) June 28, 2024

Even Calm is freaked out https://t.co/7VOufodO9H
— Feeling Distant (@annkpowers) June 28, 2024

It could be worse. Those could be the two guys running for president
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) June 28, 2024

biden: unintelligible bullshit
trump: straight up not-true bullshit
moderators: thank you.
— sarah (@sablaah) June 28, 2024

yes that's what I want My President to sound like. A reanimated corpse at war with the bone dust gathered in his throat over centuries
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) June 28, 2024

Watching this debate makes me envy Biden for being about to die
— Sean Padraig McCarthy (@SeanMcCarthyCom) June 28, 2024

they should invent a president who is a normal age
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) June 28, 2024

ok if you don't live in the US, please turn the debate off. This is our private family humiliation, and we'd all prefer you not stare.
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) June 28, 2024

TRUMP: This guy literally kills babies. Two year old babies.
BIDEN, LOOKING SKELETAL: Now… now..
TRUMP: This guy asked Mexico to send its prisoners here.
BIDEN: [eyes widen] hey…
TRUMP: Attractive white girls—dead. Is that what you want?
TAPPER: We now turn to taxes.
— Hamilton Nolan (@hamiltonnolan) June 28, 2024

it's insane that there's no live fact-checking. every answer is like

biden: trump did this and it's disgusting

trump: no i didnt, and also you did it worse

biden: that is simply not true

jake tapper: thank you mr president. i guess we'll never know
— zach silberberg (@zachsilberberg) June 28, 2024

FACT CHECK

Trump: "Biden is a very bad Palestinian."

TRUE: Biden is far too alive to be a Palestinian.
— The Onion (@TheOnion) June 28, 2024

the worst thing about them playing the debate at the strip club rn is that neither sound nor subtitles are on so its just the vibe of the debate. pic.twitter.com/FT0nCroEuW
— reversecowgirl69 (@botticellibimbo) June 28, 2024

Where the hell was the Joe Biden who is currently speaking at the Atlanta watch party during the debate? He sounds and seems fine now.
— Olivia Nuzzi (@Olivianuzzi) June 28, 2024

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