An Arrested Development joke, mainstream media is broke, the definition of woke, a big-headed bloke, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

July 5

I love when I see a good trans joke cause it just proves pricks like Ricky Gervais wrong. You can 100% make jokes about trans people. https://t.co/fsBCmKf63r
— Benoit Blanc Enjoyer 🍉 (@BenoitBlancFan) July 5, 2024

I keep thinking about everyone tryna play it cool around Drake at that white party when they got the alerts that Kendrick dropped the Not Like Us video. I know some folks snuck off to watch it on their phones. 😂😂
— Sylvia (@SylviaObell) July 5, 2024

WAIT LMFAO THE WHITE PARTY WAS ON THE SAME DAY?!? Lmfaooooooooooooooooo yo what is Kendrick on????
— Scottie (@ScottieBeam) July 5, 2024

Levar Burton on reminding people that he's quietly one of the realest 🥷🏾's breathing pic.twitter.com/uHXVtgOo2Y
— Naima Cochrane (@naima) July 5, 2024

We have a winner pic.twitter.com/ZKS25jBCVG
— New York Times Pitchbot (@DougJBalloon) July 5, 2024

oh he's JEALOUS jealous pic.twitter.com/r67ANrj4fW
— Hurt CoPain (@SaeedDiCaprio) July 6, 2024

Just to clear up some misinformation I keep seeing: The $2.5B the LCBO gives to the province are not TAXES. It is DIVIDENDS. Money that would be LOST if the service was privatized. Ontario would not save money without the LCBO and their unionized workers - we all lose.
— Tasha (@TashaSl8r) July 5, 2024

Do we think people live like this without having a lot of money…. Lol https://t.co/GNIhcZlrdc
— cornbread Bitch (@wobblymami) July 5, 2024

imagine shitting so bad they put it in the newspaper https://t.co/JCAyqO2iwf
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) July 5, 2024

July 6

Jordan being the visual bridge between Meth and Donald is something that needs to be studied. Because Clifford and Donald look NOTHING alike, but somehow they BOTH look like Jordan. https://t.co/FbrSreRXIL
— triple s. (@sportshopsleep) July 6, 2024

Y'all. Yes I looked it up before I shared it here. This is genius. I was today years old….i knew of the knock but the story behind it…😳😳😳 pic.twitter.com/5UHuncd5gc
— Tasha Renee' (@TashaReneenc) July 6, 2024

Paul McCartney's original draft https://t.co/FfEcMdTsuj
— Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) July 6, 2024

I 100% want the profits from my alcohol purchases to go to Education and Health Care and not to Loblaws, Circle K, 7-Eleven, or Big Oil.

Support LCBO Workers!
— Cory Judson (@CoryJudson) July 6, 2024

July 7

Apologies to our waitress Amy who said to my dad, "wanna box for the leftovers?" and he replied, "no, but I'll wrestle you for them" hope we tipped enough
— Cooper Lawrence (@CooperLawrence) July 7, 2024

no problem. That's a cloud https://t.co/vQEWiVwPBR
— amy from wisconsin (@amyy_claire) July 7, 2024

🚨 Kendrick Lamar has UNFOLLOWED Drake on instagram 🚨

Could there be drama we don't know about? pic.twitter.com/jajiOXPadQ
— thomas (@blondradio) July 7, 2024

Fucking size of his noggin man https://t.co/XbdkMoBBqf
— Colonel William Semple of Lochwinnoch 🇪🇸🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳 (@somhairle_) July 7, 2024

Just typed the word "we'd've." Real contraction heads won't be fazed by that type of deep cut
— sydney (@mornings0da) July 7, 2024

What a confusing franchise pic.twitter.com/5hbk2ozd0u
— 🇵🇸 Untitled Colonel Sanders Biopic 🇵🇸 (@IAmNotRonHoward) July 7, 2024

At this open mic a man broke down on stage, saying how things have gotten so bad he had a gun in his mouth this morning.

Time slowed down, we hung on every word.

After him a guy talked about how if home alone was realistic Macaulay Culkin would've been jacking it da whole time.
— empath warrior (@aaron_klopfer) July 8, 2024

Breaking: Jrue Holiday has accepted the tenacious D award pic.twitter.com/Fv5eTkU0s5
— Justin Turpin (@JustinmTurpin) July 7, 2024

objectively fantastic content pic.twitter.com/zPvvANIrjg
— claire de lune (@ClaireMPLS) July 8, 2024

This is what happens when you ask someone to do work during their PTO. https://t.co/jTiG4y8pzq
— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) July 8, 2024

Her vibe would be so perfect for WWE, someone get her in the ring! https://t.co/F7R3XcKYWN
— George (@gpdr0meter) July 7, 2024

Love how in "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" one of the guys asks "Am I sexual??" and all of his boys enthusiastically respond "yeeaaah"
— Tarence Ray (@tarenceray) July 8, 2024

The best thing on Twitter today is Canadian right-wingers reacting to the news of KFC Canada going halal by saying they're switching to Mary Brown's, not knowing Mary Browns has been certified halal in most big-city locations for years pic.twitter.com/0hX4aWJTCl
— ℳatt (@matttomic) July 7, 2024

July 8

Clown said this??? pic.twitter.com/PJ9NA3suuU
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) July 8, 2024

This Tupac?! pic.twitter.com/0R9yZJzEiv https://t.co/pMmQamYPnU
— Social🎀Misfit (@Steph_SupremeX) July 9, 2024

yup https://t.co/HitEzpJ4V3 pic.twitter.com/tOkbImaY6T
— niles (@NILES100) July 9, 2024

Remember that episode of The Simpsons where Bart knocks over a buch of shit and yells "I didn't do it" on live TV, skyrocketing him to fame, landing himself his own TV show that flops after 1 episode. https://t.co/9JmDsiy10j
— (Not) YoutubeKids (@RealYouTubeKids) July 8, 2024

Me ordering a bottle of wine with lunch. https://t.co/xUgJ1oIJEc
— Isaac Fitzgerald (@IsaacFitzgerald) July 8, 2024

July 9

That's an excellent deal. https://t.co/TGtStGBVHQ
— Ian Dunt (@IanDunt) July 9, 2024

Now we are talking. https://t.co/6ismU1pHBA
— Nora Loreto (@NoLore) July 9, 2024

One for the books Koné 🇨🇦 pic.twitter.com/vd4gzB7nUY
— Made In Canada (@MadelnCanada) July 10, 2024

Nuked from orbit pic.twitter.com/hZEyky8wqv
— 🏴based opossum🏴 (@CrustPunk161) July 9, 2024

you're telling me these mfs was wondering why they had a rat problem while simultaneously not using trash bins https://t.co/r6Z0fwtGer
— Deion | SeeReax (@SeeReax) July 9, 2024

Target Circle Week pic.twitter.com/V2qnoNscdu
— Dan White (@atdanwhite) July 9, 2024

"Can you explain the gap in your resume?"

"Sure are you familiar with not getting jobs?"
— Cara (@carawithac13) July 9, 2024

Nobody has a house 😭 https://t.co/oSmIkygiIg
— ICHIBAN BABY (@DemiCaruso) July 10, 2024

A source close to the White House is reporting that President Biden is no longer capable of producing forceful and high volume ejaculations. His once powerful, thick loads now merely trickle out.
— andrew (@mrnastynodrama) July 10, 2024

Kid plays like he just got divorced and she took everything from him pic.twitter.com/isvBvaSw9u
— Ahmed/The Ears/IG: BigBizTheGod 🇸🇴 (@big_business_) July 9, 2024

July 10

truly one of the most uncomfortable things i've ever seen. congrats to everyone involved https://t.co/EJxEmmbLYc
— David Mack (@davidmackau) July 10, 2024

why she always dressed like chingy https://t.co/Ullx7OVtCk
— baber (@bakerbakerbaker) July 10, 2024

Key and Peele sketch Team USA edition pic.twitter.com/EURtfrn3Cd
— Ahmed/The Ears/IG: BigBizTheGod 🇸🇴 (@big_business_) July 10, 2024

Never seen a funnier reply pic.twitter.com/oFE7wfs4eK
— Paternity Riley (@lesterfreamon) July 10, 2024

This is an Arrested Development joke https://t.co/Qb1ekTvD1S
— goodbye to the worst website online (@angryaboutbikes) July 10, 2024

July 11

I think about this story about Kawhi Leonard every time there's news about him. https://t.co/H7GPhVno9G pic.twitter.com/4ZnwRwqtpr
— Nick Mercadante (@NMercad) July 11, 2024

Yo' momma's so old she sometimes misspeaks and therefore we should question her value entirely.
— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) July 12, 2024

KAMALA HARRIS: We did it Joe!
JOE BIDEN: thank you Slobodan Milosevic
— Carl Kinsella (@TVsCarlKinsella) July 12, 2024

The highest compliment I can possibly pay Mr. Washington is that when I worked at a movie theater people would routinely come in and ask for "one ticket for Denzel."

Not the movie. Denzel. https://t.co/okhGozPBBd
— William 🌹 Kuechenberg (@scriptz4sale) July 11, 2024

pic.twitter.com/AzchHJ38Kb
— Audrey Renée Bentley (@BentleyAudrey) July 11, 2024

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: July 12, 2024

Latest Coverage