Hand stuff, yeah, piss off, Nicki in a huff, upside down in the buff, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

January 26

pic.twitter.com/aGF544zKKh
— no name (@pradaice) January 26, 2024

Didn’t Kobe score 81 in your era https://t.co/Kuk2R9QVOQ pic.twitter.com/TPatzaLacD
— Pepé Silvia ⚜️ (@SlayYoung23) January 27, 2024

My first non-EU passport. In a strangely beautiful illustration of Brexit’s absurdity, it was printed in Poland by a French company, and delivered to me by a German logistics firm. pic.twitter.com/q9dRxGqida
— Rhodri Lewis (@profrhodrilewis) January 26, 2024

“I know!” thought Tim Pool, “I’ll defame a woman who just won two high profile defamation cases!” pic.twitter.com/4QbfyFF9Rg
— Rebekah THEE Crone (@RebekahWriter) January 27, 2024

folks, they gave us the Ark *crowd cheers* I said "how do I know there isn't just sand inside?" The priests told us very strongly not to open it *crowd boos* should I take just a tiny peek? *deafening cheers* https://t.co/NiDkx3i0bM
— writing in HillaryBarbie for president (@lib_crusher) January 26, 2024

I posted a close-up of Trump’s neck and X labeled it as containing adult content! LMAO! pic.twitter.com/ZgzQFQj9dH
— Jen (@JenResistedAGN) January 27, 2024

why he got his whole duoussy out pic.twitter.com/f5fg7oF5bA
— tori (@doritenholm) January 26, 2024

This woman at work says she just tested positive for Covid and is walking around showing people her test
— Jono (@whoinvitedjon) January 26, 2024

Remember in the early days of the World Wide Web when we thought this incredible new technology would bring about the dawn of a new Information Age and now one generation later we’re all functionally illiterate and half the population no longer believes the germ theory of disease
— Naomi Rohatyn (@omibaloney) January 26, 2024

Biggest conspiracy I believe in is that DiCaprio’s relationships are all advertising campaigns for their modeling firms and he’s been quietly married to Tobey Maguire since 2017
— Max (@EPM106) January 26, 2024

headphones in the club bc i don’t always agree with the dj
— ً (@cryst6l) January 26, 2024

a man who dissed her after she was shot .. the man who shot her … the ex best friend who lied on her/let her be dragged on the internet for years + chose to protect the man who shot her … and then a jab at her deceased mother who loved & supported her.. but meg’s disgusting. ok https://t.co/lJCKLELyyx
— mother earth 🫒 (@feminterrupted) January 27, 2024

I think it’s fascinating that Megan referenced sex offenders, which are rampant in the industry, and Nicki sees that as a personal attack.
— zay (@zayaway) January 26, 2024

MY STOMACHHHHH pic.twitter.com/iVuld0yboT
— i'm not otis. (@klaycokaren) January 26, 2024

this my favorite one https://t.co/djImTRanhL pic.twitter.com/Z0VynpRkuA
— ًً (@girlsonfillm) January 27, 2024

i love this one https://t.co/TSUSifk9gm pic.twitter.com/zT4rlm654x
— lady eva (of misrule) (@_glorianas) January 27, 2024

Please stop dragging Nicki Minaj up and down the TL, my thumb is tired from liking every single tweet.
— 𝙇𝘼𝙎𝙃𝙀𝙍 ⚔️ (@blueberrycvm) January 27, 2024

They should’ve never given me an office job I already started two rumors.
— kiko (@kikosdreamworld) January 26, 2024

Didnt win the $25,000 from mr beast. No job or backup plan. not sure what to do now
— Put0 (@persecutedgame1) January 27, 2024

i like candles cuz it's kinda like having fire as a pet
— Jenna SaysQuoi (@jennasaysquoi) January 26, 2024

January 27

the people of america demand high speed rail and if unsatisfied will resort to alternative means https://t.co/OKM5n6OvRF
— The Goddamned Penguin (@who_shot_jgr) January 28, 2024

twitter is the greatest source for the worst cooking advice you could recieve in your life. reheating rice can kill you. you have to wash your chicken before cooking it. it’s cheaper to doordash than to cook your own food. what’s going on here, make it stop
— beer person (@CantEverDie) January 27, 2024

shes so funny 😭 pic.twitter.com/vrPVbI2ZMc
— Film Updates (@cuntrodrigo) January 27, 2024

you didn’t hear from Nicki for the rest of the night when Cardi B said this pic.twitter.com/0TJMm2c6tf
— Girl Posts (@itgirlposts) January 28, 2024

publicly spiraling for forty-eight [48] hours……….on twitter……not in the booth……..fraternizing with a white supremacist……..encouraging your fanbase doxxing someone………you already lost like this is nuts
— dash is watching the sopranos (s1) • they/them (@thedigitaldash_) January 28, 2024

megan not responding is genuinely hilarious
— sh✮q 🎧⋆｡𖦹˚ (@shaqscorner) January 28, 2024

*nicki and megan beefing*

ice spice: pic.twitter.com/UlsLbdN6nU
— 𝔧𝔲𝔩𝔰♡ (@aritention) January 27, 2024

AMERICAN WHO BECOMES MORE PHYSICALLY ACTIVE WHILE TRAVELING: hey, I think the donuts at home are tainted https://t.co/dokO0i3f4w
— Christopher Hooks (@cd_hooks) January 27, 2024

happy large-boulder-the-size-of-a-small-boulder day to all those who celebrate https://t.co/ajEl45ZTSO
— Katie O'Reilly (@DrKatfish) January 27, 2024

They just showed a baby wearing an Embiid jersey on the Jumbotron whole arena boo’d the shit out that baby
— Unbiased Sports Fan (@ImDavidSisneros) January 27, 2024

pic.twitter.com/uDXRFGXl0G
— 🍉Shish Barak Dumpling 🔻 (@LadyDumplings) January 27, 2024

pic.twitter.com/qejtoBLjt8
— hope (@spinachbabie) January 27, 2024

This promotional photo of a Chewbacca mask looks like the cover for an album that would have got 8.0 in Pitchfork in 2009 pic.twitter.com/PVnyt0fVww
— David Hering (@hering_david) January 27, 2024

The term ‘monkeying around’ makes sense to me, monkeys are silly animals. ‘Horsing around’ pisses me off though, it’s very, very disrespectful… Pretty much every horse I’ve met has a job.
— Zach (@jestermaxxing) January 27, 2024

“Rap beef” and only one person doing the rapping.
— Akarii (@lovesickmani) January 28, 2024

funniest part about this whole thing is drake caught it the most on the song
— i try to get allah in your mind (@whitIeys) January 28, 2024

January 28

it’s funny that there’s a white football player on a midwestern team with an offensive name dating a blonde haired blue eyed country singer and republicans HATE them
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) January 29, 2024

taylor having a concert across the world the same day as travis is playing in the superbowl is so high school musical coded you can’t even make this up
— katelyn (@noitskatelyn) January 29, 2024

Taylor Swift makes the Super Bowl in her first year in the league. Elite.
— Nicole Auerbach (@NicoleAuerbach) January 28, 2024

nfl is the funniest league ever cause they penalized it meanwhile their social media admins be using it to promote the game 😭😭😭 https://t.co/xsG5wN5XVY
— ruby (@rubythevalley) January 28, 2024

Taylor Swift is so powerful that she now has Fox News finally admitting climate change is bad. https://t.co/xQXpxLsY4d
— Hayden Clarkin (@the_transit_guy) January 29, 2024

10 times is like… before and after you eat and every time you go to the bathroom lmao https://t.co/V72H8fIQzq
— isi baehr-breen (isibb.bsky.social) (@isaiah_bb) January 28, 2024

wow it’s almost like this works 100% of the time pic.twitter.com/zimJTWXIga
— francis wolf (@francisxwolf) January 29, 2024

a white emo girl tweeting this that’s how yk it’s true https://t.co/wdFACCL7gv
— z (@loveinextremes) January 29, 2024

to save you a stream: it’s a coke rant set to music where she quotes tweets with a bridge where she repeats “lyin on your dead mama” over and over and then there’s like, a spoken word part at the end where she sounds like she is off a perc insane
— ashley ray (@theashleyray) January 29, 2024

Got shot by a dude and had the nerve to see him held accountable… https://t.co/7z64CrbiwN
— General Lee Dope (@EliSeeney) January 28, 2024

Just saw this on facebook 😭💀 pic.twitter.com/L3ycKMGCwQ
— iya ★ (@hotmessjunk) January 29, 2024

yo. pic.twitter.com/tiiyX6nspX
— cloocifer (@WanderMaximoff) January 29, 2024

Is she dissing her husband???😭😭 #CancelNickiMinaj #BIGFOOT pic.twitter.com/JTx51UPp25
— Trae🪐 (@ldrarmpit) January 29, 2024

https://t.co/0wmsk4mfJi pic.twitter.com/nSTsrJNMcB
— Paulie 🎀 (@paulieponzi) January 29, 2024

January 29

Am I actively dating? No. Do I expect to be proposed to by the end of the year? Absolutely.
— Fupita Nyong’o 🌚 (@dvngerousliy) January 29, 2024

it's january, 2020. the chiefs and 49ers are playing in the super bowl. it's an election year, trump vs biden. a remake of final fantasy 7 comes out soon

it's january, 2024. the chiefs and 49ers are playing in the super bowl. it's an election year, trump vs biden. a remake of fi pic.twitter.com/VIyWwkjy3J
— elliott (@elliottgray) January 29, 2024

I can never have a letter boxed because every movie i see is good to me. it's a movie, what could be more wonderful than that. I know that guy from something else. delightful!
— swamp baby 🇵🇸 (@castinemachine) January 30, 2024

“your honor my client was committed to the bit” https://t.co/btXgVi2Go8
— jay (@kendallhosseini) January 29, 2024

Every queer person has experienced this on some level. Being in a room surrounded by people who call you their friends or even family, yet will gleefully welcome and celebrate someone who works to harm you and your community and care nothing for your feelings about it. https://t.co/IQNz4Txf0K
— Jessie Earl (@jessiegender) January 30, 2024

https://t.co/S7Bm8HVVQ2 pic.twitter.com/bnx4UjsnkH
— Holding Biden Accountable (@PushBidenLeft) January 29, 2024

https://t.co/o1kzNLa6Rq pic.twitter.com/H9h70PomVp
— america's lounge singer (@KrangTNelson) January 29, 2024

RIP to this guy https://t.co/tk7RuTGsRo pic.twitter.com/HngVQqZjhI
— pokey pup (@Whatapityonyou) January 29, 2024

price went up post-Emmy win 👏👏👏 https://t.co/LVwkTJ6c2V
— Wendell (@RhodeToLove) January 29, 2024

You can literally do anything you mf want. None of this shit is real. https://t.co/ez4knfVpIC
— suck yuh mudda (@SupremeBrina) January 29, 2024

did a rabbit post this https://t.co/8zkM4kJdAe
— dani (@wormbarf) January 29, 2024

it's kind of sad that the phrase "pitchfork broke my band" will now only be uttered by farmers who forgot to remove their watch before starting work
— jos (@josiahhughes) January 29, 2024

Meg raps about sex.
Meg raps about sex explicitly.
Meg has multiple songs about her sexuality.
Meg knows she has sex.
We know Meg has sex.

Now tell me why her having sex would somehow be a dig at her. Are we supposed to be shocked? I am confused.
— Feminist Witch 🇵🇸🇵🇸 🌙 (@DonCorleANN) January 29, 2024

this is just a mess 😭 pic.twitter.com/aIgFvL1TkP
— anthony (@kissesofgaga) January 29, 2024

Shit fucked up right now E https://t.co/tDkxJXfduJ
— Dawggy (@SixKeeHH) January 30, 2024

We've been better, Elmo https://t.co/2pMHZ9vkv3
— Detroit Free Press (@freep) January 29, 2024

Elmo: asks a simple question

The entire internet: pic.twitter.com/VCFN3CvKoq https://t.co/ETxugAPg5l
— Mike T (@rhymeswithbeg) January 29, 2024

Elmo’s social media manager reading all the responses like
pic.twitter.com/QxFiryPVFX https://t.co/WtWz2NzxXe
— 👽brittny pierre🪩 (@sleep2dream) January 29, 2024

January 30

rap version… of a rap song.. https://t.co/nfecLzn8O7
— luz (@fentyhell) January 31, 2024

Me, every gd night pic.twitter.com/cIZzO7Dcp9
— Stone Cold Jane Austen (@AbbyHiggs) January 31, 2024

In nyc ur winter jacket is kind of like a car
— Arielle. (@distraughtemoji) January 30, 2024

Good morning to this queen pic.twitter.com/18ePxlLmES
— joao (@jfdeux) January 30, 2024

If Taylor said "from the river to the sea" every white girl in America would be beating John Fetterman to death with a stanley cup https://t.co/Bp4X5JHe1u
— Gremloe (@gremloe) January 31, 2024

Political Consultant: "We have a huge women problem"

GOP: "What if we declared war on Taylor Swift?"
— Scott Shapiro (@scottjshapiro) January 31, 2024

surprised this isn't bigger news, RIP https://t.co/2KriwWplUo
— Fred Delicious 🍆 (@Fred_Delicious) January 30, 2024

Taylor Swift's politics can be summed up as:

1. Register to vote and vote in every election.

2. Be kind to each other.

And this is what scares Republicans.
— Alex Cole (@acnewsitics) January 30, 2024

Uh huh and then what happened in the next two decades? pic.twitter.com/3gxuFChpxj
— John Ganz (@lionel_trolling) January 31, 2024

Travis Kelce is seeing all these republicans call him a psyop and chuckling to himself, “I couldnt even pass that class in high school, they’re dumb as hell.”
— Motivational Pictures With Reality Deep Meaning (@doulbedoink) January 31, 2024

when you're young you think you want to date a funny guy but as you grow older you realise what you actually want is a guy who understands good humour so he can laugh at the many sharp and witty jokes YOU crack several times a day
— dukhtar (@tamarindric3) January 30, 2024

i’m not suffering in silence i’m suffering loudly and annoyingly
— clare (@sadderlizards) January 31, 2024

what the fuck pic.twitter.com/vVikNWK8gS
— rudy betrayed (@rudy_betrayed) January 30, 2024

This is very good pic.twitter.com/xILX2LREJO
— Ben Phillips (@benphillips76) January 30, 2024

Give 👏🏻 her 👏🏻 an 👏🏻 Oscar 👏🏻 pic.twitter.com/dblHipZ10o
— Garreth Browne (@garrethbrowne) January 30, 2024

dating as a 28 year old is so hard bc if i date older women they say stuff like “doggo” and “adulting” and if i date younger women they tell me i’m in my dilf era
— sauce (@jimbobrays_) January 30, 2024

A couple weeks ago someone i had just had sex with sincerely asked me what the word “introspective” meant and ever since i haven’t been able to shake the feeling that i committed some sort of crime
— zou bisou bisou where are you (@lilgrapefruits) January 30, 2024

it is 1984. police raid gay bars for “public indecency”

it is 1994. police raid gay bars for “public indecency”

it is 2004. police raid gay bars for “public indecency”

it is 2014. marriage equality!

it is 2024. police raid gay bars for “public indecency” https://t.co/9tLFfjGad6 pic.twitter.com/Ta81RjoOas
— the mind that knows itself (@stablestrategys) January 30, 2024

She called Fox racist and he called her a pedophile, so she sued him for defamation and she WON! The judge recognized Fox is a racist and that Crystal is NOT a pedophile https://t.co/JZpXzgjkDk
— Marilyn Malibu (@MarilynMalibu) January 30, 2024

It seems silly, but the fact that we all trauma dumped on Elmo yesterday, and that we all cried when Steve from Blues Clues told us he was proud of us during the pandy PROVES that children’s entertainment is so much more than “entertainment,” and has a lasting effect on empathy.
— 🎃☠️ Whitney Van Laningham🦇🕸 (@WhitneyPuppy) January 31, 2024

Imagine coming over to our Elmo trauma dump and acting like you aren’t responsible for 78% of it. https://t.co/qkVR4uAiVi
— Liv (@heyitslivagain) January 31, 2024

January 31

Elmo after his shift yesterday pic.twitter.com/kMeRqx7I3z
— 💉Josh Rubin, MD 🩺 (@DrSandman11) January 31, 2024

Elmo is this guy bothering you https://t.co/9WYfmy8NJ8
— frank zeppo (noah) (@NoahPasternak) January 31, 2024

Y'all dumped your trauma on that baby. You better wish him a happy birthday https://t.co/3BYACppIue
— Angie Thomas (@angiecthomas) January 31, 2024

no free healthcare in this country, just a little red monster who asks you if you’re okay on twitter
— limp brittzkit (@Brittymigs) January 31, 2024

Yeah basically 😭 https://t.co/V5waTTRkT2 pic.twitter.com/weB5iiVot2
— bam !? (@4azai) January 31, 2024

Absolutely fucking brilliant… 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂https://t.co/TUrqbisWZV
— Fletch (@Itsfletchisback) January 31, 2024

just being nice to a random man online and this is the response that I get …..? pic.twitter.com/DRijizXVNs
— madison (@xgigglypuff) January 31, 2024

me:
Jeremy Allen White: pic.twitter.com/eYKZjtWmGH
— tori (@doritenholm) February 1, 2024

Chance to laugh at Australian men crying because girls are going to go to a school they used to go to. https://t.co/kG4suIpNIa
— Jemaine Clement (@AJemaineClement) February 1, 2024

Why is Gorgeous the only thing you can be Drop-Dead. I wanna be drop-dead silly. Let my enemies crumble before me, overcome by the depths of my whimsy
— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) January 31, 2024

how much lead is in these cups https://t.co/dSFiQ1XQcB
— ceeks (@70Ceeks) February 1, 2024

this clip hasn’t been topped in almost 8 years pic.twitter.com/tsEqFOTiXP https://t.co/yPAlie4mWr
— kate bush's husband (@airbagged) January 31, 2024

Sorry nothing is topping this one

pic.twitter.com/mG04AyHR57 https://t.co/zkIYihruen
— walk, balk & 2 smoking barrels 🧦🔰🥑 (@i_am_puddle) January 31, 2024

I can't believe there was a time I was upset when someone told me I had to go to bed.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) January 31, 2024

what if we wake up tomorrow and it’s january the 32nd
— MJ (@Mj_21ii) January 31, 2024

We broke while making triple what our parents made. https://t.co/s7lVvGQKKm
— Sade (@_munchkinn) January 31, 2024

I'm so unemployment coded that i went to the career fair and made a friend instead of getting a job
— rameen (@rameenwhile) January 31, 2024

Ahh the little spark of life whenever a meeting is canceled
— 𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗹𝘆𝗸𝗲 (@im_all_id) January 31, 2024

February 1

i saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by writing cover letters
— Meg (@megannn_lynne) February 1, 2024

And this goes for EVERY single industry you can think of. https://t.co/MsoDGw18Og
— Air-Rum (@__aarum) February 1, 2024

https://t.co/32hWbEzfxe pic.twitter.com/47TXXoAeWk
— Fuck You I Quit (@fuckyouiquit) February 1, 2024

She saw Megan claiming the summer so she had to claim Fall https://t.co/OmKHOn2wmv pic.twitter.com/6pMvjI7NCm
— Maldark 🇵🇸🌸 (@YaBoiMaldark) February 1, 2024

Lol pic.twitter.com/E8pvzn0NO3
— Ari Drennen (@AriDrennen) February 1, 2024

idk I just saw thousands of people tell elmo they want to k* themselves https://t.co/HDWzcwaPed
— grace ✨ (@wifelor) February 1, 2024

40 years ago there were actors that just looked like this https://t.co/YFulHPe623
— Oneohtrix Point sometimes :/ (@jobscantfindme) February 1, 2024

the british really did something with “PISS OFF” like yeah. piss off!!!!!
— Alex Murdoch (@alexgmurd) February 1, 2024

You'll never guess what post he's responding to https://t.co/9Ztxwtlb4n
— boss (@joe_on_here) February 1, 2024

Happy Black History Month #BHM pic.twitter.com/Cfbg6cKpx9
— 🦂 𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗘 𝗔𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗻𝗼 𝗸𝗶𝗱𝘀 ♏️ (@prmade313raised) February 1, 2024

matt, a married man with six children, making it painfully obvious that he’s never done any housework, cooking or childcare pic.twitter.com/6787FLjL6j
— francis wolf (@francisxwolf) February 1, 2024

she looks like she’s on her way to destroy a glee club https://t.co/sykS3TMFSS
— mount bellyache (@mountbellyache) February 1, 2024

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: February 2, 2024

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