Call them weird, they're no longer feared, Trump is jeered, JD is couch smeared, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

July 26

it's not fair that France gets a leftist government and then has an extreme metal band open the Olympics. we never get anything good pic.twitter.com/qox27V8TMG
— normal wife 🇵🇸 (@Category_Fury) July 27, 2024

Telling my kids this was George Washington pic.twitter.com/dxJIegKlrY
— Mink Flow (@currypistonn) July 26, 2024

If Trudeau did this they would literally never shut up about it. https://t.co/GQhsftDhhX
— Max Fawcett 🇨🇦 (@maxfawcett) July 26, 2024

Check out these foreigners here to take Canadian jobs!!

Oh wait…nevermind…they are here to bail us out because we cut the Canadian jobs. https://t.co/eEbvgRy94J
— Thomas Watson Jr. (@ThomasWatsonCD) July 26, 2024

Perfect opportunity to bring up one of the best tweets of all time. https://t.co/wVn6cnHpyZ pic.twitter.com/sOrZbiyxyS
— Robert Bork III (@BobbyBorkIII) July 26, 2024

if they get to say dems support "post birth" abortion without any media pushback, then we get to say jd vance fucked his couch
— Andrew Lawrence (@ndrew_lawrence) July 26, 2024

i'm sure j.d. vance would happily teach you how to top a couch https://t.co/jz4Lvmq0vu
— katie (@focusfronting) July 26, 2024

i think he fucked the hornets nest https://t.co/RmfTmEEaUY
— beer person (@CantEverDie) July 26, 2024

I think it's great that Trump has accidentally acquired another idiot son
— Siddhant Adlakha (@SiddhantAdlakha) July 27, 2024

jennifer aniston is taylor swift for white women over 40. this man is a fucking moron, omg. https://t.co/Az9vZPRF6r
— maybe: diane 𐚁 (@dianelyssa) July 27, 2024

you guys spent the last 20 years telling everyone that angry antisocial teenagers going on shooting sprees was just the price of freedom, not sure why you're upset? it worked! nobody cares anymore https://t.co/YLOoks9CAe
— america's lounge singer (@KrangTNelson) July 26, 2024

Yeah, but the drag queens are sexualizing and exploiting kids right??? https://t.co/B7M2WJitYM
— casey (@ADHDGOTH) July 26, 2024

if J.D. Vance was in England the tabloids would have two reporters dressed as a sofa and a dolphin following him around by now and I think the lack of this represents a real failure by the US press
— James Palmer (@BeijingPalmer) July 27, 2024

I think we all know who his favorite Friend was. https://t.co/CSFzMpQh2Z pic.twitter.com/7ShlNBR3jK
— Michael Schulman (@MJSchulman) July 27, 2024

July 27

ok I know I'm late but I had to make a New Yorker cartoon about it pic.twitter.com/DIUTVKaBNy
— Tommy Siegel (@TommySiegel) July 27, 2024

pic.twitter.com/FM1z4j1q1i
— C o n n o r 🍉 (@COINNOR) July 27, 2024

All these lame couch jokes about J.D. Vance only prove we are a nation in recline.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) July 27, 2024

The French Revolution: https://t.co/PLhNifmJ16
— ed (@erar97) July 27, 2024

pic.twitter.com/77x6TWXqW9
— CleverMonster ✊🏿🇭🇹🇵🇸 (@CleverMonsterCT) July 27, 2024

"and who is your primary care doctor" buddy it's 2024. are you also gonna ask me who my butler is or where I've parked my lamborghini, be for real
— katie (@katefeetie) July 27, 2024

You lost to a 7 year old. https://t.co/5EwzcSiUxo pic.twitter.com/IxpvZSNsjz
— Swank Sintara (@Dreadful4Tymes) July 27, 2024

Yes - it's Katie Ledecky and Michael Phelps. https://t.co/f4XTECaLz2
— not that jack (@jackofspuds) July 28, 2024

👁️👄👁️ pic.twitter.com/ti5MUQmljc
— 🎄 swifty 🎄 (@idkred3) July 27, 2024

Have you met Americans? https://t.co/KADIltrWtQ
— Gordon Gartrelle (@mrgartrelle) July 27, 2024

COUCH!!!? @KamalaHQ, I owe you an apology. I was not familiar with your game. https://t.co/yqN6voNk2S
— Mike T (@rhymeswithbeg) July 28, 2024

Motion to refer to JD Vance as "Vladimir Futon" from here on out

That's GOLD 🤣🤣🤣 https://t.co/jnkn7aL84o
— Angry Staffer 🌻 (@Angry_Staffer) July 27, 2024

Remember, kids: https://t.co/fn2UJnfGG0 pic.twitter.com/6cxdXNg3Ev
— Non-Ironically T.V.'s B. Dave Walters (@BDaveWalters) July 28, 2024

it's awesome that every news story about him is a brand new sentence I've never read before https://t.co/0MtX3hAGAI
— Miss Gender (@girldrawsghosts) July 27, 2024

July 28

Amazing footage showing how a medium-sized colony of Amish can entirely devour a barn in less than 12 hours pic.twitter.com/0LvEFlWYb5
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) July 28, 2024

kylie kelce, a field hockey player, coach, and longtime supporter of the sport, takes in the american team at the olympic opener - joined by her husband, jason, in a fetching beret https://t.co/2OFyk0MGyo
— endora bullshit (@collectdust) July 28, 2024

These cunts can't even watch someone do an Interview without trying to Occupy it. https://t.co/ZShhO6Vw9c
— Michael Walsh (@thatbloodyMikey) July 28, 2024

We know he can swim but… pic.twitter.com/6i5QD8oOw6
— Tank.Sinatra (@GeorgeResch) July 28, 2024

white ppl popped off with jeez la weez
— ur hot dad (@eikcinek) July 28, 2024

This is the most charming man in America pic.twitter.com/H6zZ8hgR1J
— Eyup Lovely (@eyuplovely) July 28, 2024

The Republicans, who have consistently called Democrats pedophiles and groomers for going on 7 years now, are mad the Democrats are calling them weird.
— Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) July 29, 2024

We're calling them "weird" instead of "scary" and you can actually watch them wither in real time. It's amazing. https://t.co/OV9ajDNqoY
— kevin baker (@kevinbaker) July 29, 2024

https://t.co/RqkK3HUuhR pic.twitter.com/nptPCvxgLk
— america's lounge singer (@KrangTNelson) July 29, 2024

Derailing the White Men for Kamala Zoom call by asking if anyone here is into Steely Dan
— Robert Komaniecki (@Komaniecki_R) July 28, 2024

Breathtaking. Vivek Ramaswamy, a prominent and outspoken Turbo Dork, whines about the election being a high school popularity contest, and the Menswear Guy promptly stuffs him into a locker. https://t.co/PcfmcC2UOO
— Mark Bankston (@BankstonAtLaw) July 29, 2024

Pathetic.

The campaign that fakes and stages everything had a couple people behind Trump who weren't sychophanting enough, so they kicked them out and replaced them with actors.

The whole campaign is a fraud pic.twitter.com/Za3hFgJopS
— Ron Filipkowski (@RonFilipkowski) July 28, 2024

pic.twitter.com/NFqC245VSq
— South Dakota Department of Propaganda (@SoDakTruth) July 28, 2024

My brother: "I think if JD Vance is elected vice president turkey would leave nato. Because of what he did to the ottomans"
— KHive Worker Bee (@selina_dedalus) July 28, 2024

Largely owed to the fact that Republicans are the party that is taking people's rights away. https://t.co/hTysgBmBEG
— Brian Tyler Cohen (@briantylercohen) July 29, 2024

July 29

I have been moving, and I found my old Far Side books underneath the bed. If you are my age or thereabouts, nearly 25% are instantly memorable, nay legendary. It's the greatest single-panel strip of all time. But I think this might be the best of all, and if I'm wrong prove it. pic.twitter.com/D8hP4Ek3rF
— Jeff Blehar is *BOX OFFICE POISON* (@EsotericCD) July 30, 2024

Imagine making a one hour video essay about film vs. theatrical acting when this clip already exists https://t.co/20rF4XDxsv pic.twitter.com/LTt6vJet9S
— John Frankensteiner (@JFrankensteiner) July 30, 2024

pic.twitter.com/HH2RX5GZsQ
— Kyle Waldrup (@kylewaldrup) July 30, 2024

Literally a Veep joke https://t.co/c7BU4cJMRU pic.twitter.com/RscfV2lVg6
— Hannah Posts (@HannahPosted) July 29, 2024

"We are not weird" pic.twitter.com/URUHeoaqCk
— sean (@_sn_n) July 29, 2024

Stroking off a cardboard cutout of your saviour might be the weirdest thing ever.#MarjorieTaylorStrokomov pic.twitter.com/XAVnwDICr0
— CoffeyTimeNews - 🇺🇸's Emotional Support 🇨🇦 (@CoffeyTimeNews) July 29, 2024

There's only one reason for his mouth to be like that bro https://t.co/4mSzqYrUL7
— Secular Talk🎙 (@KyleKulinski) July 29, 2024

"STOP CALLING US WEIRD" pic.twitter.com/RM8GuuV741
— Colin Robinson (@fermiparasocks) July 29, 2024

"Stop calling us weird." pic.twitter.com/AG2WWPx3hO
— Ben Yahr (@benyahr) July 29, 2024

Basically, people who don't mind being called weird are "good weird." People who get mad when they're called weird are "bad weird."
— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) July 29, 2024

You think weird won't stick?
Weird is fatal. pic.twitter.com/vF1PaCOkYO
— Allen Weisselberger (@weisselbergers) July 29, 2024

Just as Americans are starting to realize about Republicans, Canada's Conservatives are a pack of creepy weirdos that you would cross the street to avoid. pic.twitter.com/K2vZL5yBKR
— Rusty Idols 🇺🇦 (@Cliffor18175753) July 29, 2024

Elon spent $44B to turn Twitter into a right wing propaganda machine and was thwarted by one random dude who said JD Vance banged a couch
— Brett Meiselas (@BMeiselas) July 30, 2024

Two weeks ago, Trump got shot & we thought this was going to be the darkest election of our lives. Last week, Biden dropped out, the affable governor of Minnesota called the Trump people "weird," and some kid said JD Vance fucked a couch. Now, the vibes are perfect
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) July 30, 2024

Schrodinger's Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.
— Liam Nissan™ (@theliamnissan) July 29, 2024

People being against children getting free lunch https://t.co/BXvVxEHA97
— mexicankles (@citazworld) July 29, 2024

hillary ur man is roaming again pic.twitter.com/vwc1WuQUf7
— Isabel Steckel (@IsabelSteckel) July 30, 2024

I KNOW THAT AIN'T A TAN FUCKING SUIT?!!!?! 🤨 https://t.co/Fpe754Eeno
— General Lee Dope (@EliSeeney) July 30, 2024

https://t.co/7f8eNc0HoU pic.twitter.com/b8X7sFzjzr
— Jeff Ewing (@ReelJeffEwing) July 29, 2024

The most "Main Character Energy" I've ever seen in my life.pic.twitter.com/ExuXVxB3VB
— Del Walker 🇵🇸 (@TheCartelDel) July 30, 2024

I have always supported this guy since I learned about him five minutes ago. https://t.co/WzCjtkBDOH
— Ben Siemon (@BenjaminJS) July 29, 2024

The announcers were saying "he has his game face on" like no baby, he just can't see https://t.co/bd9ObCoTmZ
— V🌟 (@VictoriaEgreen) July 30, 2024

July 30

Olympics announcer before Simone Biles' floor exercise: "this is the kinda thing you'll talk to your kids about."

My dad, after Simone Biles' floor exercise: "I guess I gotta talk to you about that floor exercise."

Holding that in for 2 minutes won him the dad joke gold.
— Stacey J. Spiehler (@StaceyJSpiehler) July 31, 2024

I tried to walk along a curb recently and fell off https://t.co/7s91n3r4bl
— danielle weisberg for hire (@danielleweisber) July 30, 2024

AIR HORSE ONE 😍 https://t.co/tTE0g1zGGv pic.twitter.com/wMHkkAKrwp
— 🇹🇭 Sickos Committee 🇨🇷 (@SickosCommittee) July 31, 2024

Why do we even have a Second Amendment? pic.twitter.com/kGLJMweebF
— Kevin Baum (@kevinbaum013) July 30, 2024

This truly is the stupidest timeline. https://t.co/nOpItjS3iP
— T. Ryan Gregory (@TRyanGregory) July 31, 2024

The state of Texas is accusing a church of Christianity. https://t.co/OpkQNWMX6u
— Arif "Felonious Munk" Shahid (@Felonious_munk) July 30, 2024

The Riddler is a weird choice but I stand behind her decision https://t.co/P7m6SbjLA9
— Ben Shapiro Love Incest (@Williesillie2) July 30, 2024

One man deserves credit for the "weird" framing vs. MAGA.

It's Green Shirt Guy. pic.twitter.com/W0RPdM4RuU
— Peter Hamby (@PeterHamby) July 31, 2024

it's working https://t.co/w8oaNczE4h
— kevin baker (@kevinbaker) July 30, 2024

Weird. pic.twitter.com/CH1AO86mJN
— David Brown (@OrbitStudios) July 30, 2024

SEEN OUTSIDE TODAY'S JD VANCE RALLY IN THE SWING-IEST COUNTY OF A VERY SWING STATE. pic.twitter.com/tgynP0UjQL
— Evan Sutton (@3vanSutton) July 30, 2024

JD NOOOOOOOO https://t.co/0P4PFOt8xo
— Armand Domalewski Thinks It Is Good Kamala Swears (@ArmandDoma) July 31, 2024

"STOP CALLING US WEIRD!!!" pic.twitter.com/QM0s8fMUxt
— Anonymous (@YourAnonNews) July 30, 2024

RNC Chair Lara Trump filming herself drinking wine while her kid cries was pretty weird. pic.twitter.com/PT202OYJeR
— Ron Filipkowski (@RonFilipkowski) July 30, 2024

"Stop calling us weird!" pic.twitter.com/V94e3H4Sl6
— Rep. Eric Swalwell (@RepSwalwell) July 30, 2024

Who the fuck was asking for Twitter to start immediately autoplaying a random video after the video you meant to watch ends. Every new change on this platform is dumber than the last
— Wild Geerters (@steinkobbe) July 31, 2024

Green Day has said "Oh, btw, we fucking hate Donald Trump" every week for eight years and people still get upset about it. I find that very funny. https://t.co/O57IujjbVr
— DYLAN? (@XXIchiban) July 30, 2024

Trolling racists with a tuba is one of the greatest performances I've ever seen.

pic.twitter.com/q5bYRVZlQm
— Scottacular (@Scottcrates) July 30, 2024

Me: tries to explain how the Charter actually works.

CPC nomination candidate: pic.twitter.com/zHRavVTFTR
— Max Fawcett 🇨🇦 (@maxfawcett) July 30, 2024

"Weird" is a concise way of saying "everyone is sick and tired of your psychotic qanon incel bullshit and we just want you to shut the fuck up already."
— Shadow Of The Nerdtree (@agraybee) July 30, 2024

Weird. https://t.co/Ph5DMtEsNz pic.twitter.com/vFHUtqbvqS
— shelby (@thetrueshelby) July 30, 2024

Laura Ingraham asking Donald Trump if he's fluid is honestly one of the top five funniest moments of this cycle. pic.twitter.com/iR3OQFbQOI
— Yashar Ali 🐘 (@yashar) July 31, 2024

July 31

today, one of my 3 y/o students told me that his dad died. i teared up on the spot and gave him plenty of extra love/attention. my heart absolutely ached at the thought of him experiencing such a profound loss.

guess who strolled in with a happy meal at pick-up time
— ray (@lobotomyze) August 1, 2024

"It was Gods Plan to show y'all the liar" aged pretty nice https://t.co/i5pGdyc3HQ
— Scru🇳🇬 (@scrufacejean) July 31, 2024

She sold out to Big Parma. https://t.co/RAFwlX9wTo
— Drew (@drewdyck) July 31, 2024

My mom called me and told me how much she likes watching Snoop Dogg at the Olympics and I had to remind her that she grounded me for buying his CD once
— Josh (@joshnorthsouth) August 1, 2024

the fact that dude thought the chair was for him tells you a lot about men pic.twitter.com/LML09oJCmN
— chicken soup for the soul 🥣 (@doxie_gay) July 31, 2024

OMFG. This. Is. A. Total. Disaster. For. Him.

Also:
—THIS is how you ask questions to a malignant narcissist (@jaketapper @DanaBashCNN)
—He can't handle being questioned about his blatant racist attacks on black politicians/journalists so he attacks the black people asking them pic.twitter.com/mAQBw7JAW0
— Andrew—Author of America Rises On Substack (@AmoneyResists) July 31, 2024

the concept of being mixed race is breaking conservatives brains https://t.co/nfFju7eIgu
— vo (@vanillaopinions) July 31, 2024

It makes sense why Trump is confused about race, his black supporters are white. pic.twitter.com/dZoCIZrSOO
— Alex Cole (@acnewsitics) August 1, 2024

Impressive messaging pivot for Republicans to go from "I'm not weird" right into "Biracial people don't exist"
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) August 1, 2024

Trump makes comments at the NABJ event today: pic.twitter.com/Cv8NCyuOId
— Mattie Timmer (@MattieTimmer) July 31, 2024

A moment of silence for J.D. Vance's half white half Indian kids who are about to watch their dad go on television and pretend that he doesn't understand how it's possible for someone to be two races at once
— Mitali (@mmodi93) August 1, 2024

oh my god JD Vance is INDIAN!!! https://t.co/NuRC84uR5b pic.twitter.com/edYj064c5B
— Armand Domalewski Thinks It Is Good Kamala Swears (@ArmandDoma) July 31, 2024

Now THIS is how you write a headline. Well done @MotherJones pic.twitter.com/Djp42ZFdCm
— Andrew—Author of America Rises On Substack (@AmoneyResists) July 31, 2024

They didn't move Trump off the stage that fast when the dude tried to assassinate him.
— Machine Pun Kelly 🇺🇦 (@KellyScaletta) July 31, 2024

I guess God intended for Donald Trump to be fully revealed as an incoherent racist toddler and to have his ass handed to him by black women. Can I get an amen?
— Bradley Whitford (@BradleyWhitford) July 31, 2024

Oh wow. Imagine how fantastic it must be. pic.twitter.com/7cvfEFQDyb
— Brooke from Let's Not Date (@Lets_Not_Date) July 31, 2024

Kamala in Trump's imagination like: pic.twitter.com/0r5OboPpLd
— 🥁Amber-Brownism🐝💛💛🌊🌊🥁 (@ABrownism) August 1, 2024

August 1

Wrong Indian. Dot, not feather. God you guys are dumb https://t.co/NNvmEXa4A5
— Asha Rangappa (@AshaRangappa_) August 1, 2024

Did you guys hear about Kamala Harris pretending to be a color she's not? pic.twitter.com/dGtNsU1HhI
— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 1, 2024

Rafael Cruz: Call me Ted.

Nimarata Haley: Call me Nikki.

Kamala Harris: Call me Kamala.

Republicans: Why is Kamala Harris trying to hide her heritage?
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) August 1, 2024

Nimarata Nikki Randhawa ran as Nikki Haley

Piyush Jindal ran as Bobby Jindal

Raphael Cruz ran as Ted Cruz

Meanwhile—Barack Obama ran as Barack Obama & Kamala Harris is running as Kamala Harris & MAGAs accuse Dems of identity politics

Every MAGA accusation is a confession
— Qasim Rashid, Esq. (@QasimRashid) August 1, 2024

"Take my wife's citizenship. Please." https://t.co/lUzwfLjsyP
— Rick Perlstein (@rickperlstein) August 1, 2024

Update: Ghislaine Maxwell is planning to be dead before September. https://t.co/aBDdtxEJcy
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) August 1, 2024

the fact that trump has had nothing but bad news since he got shot at suggests to me he was fated to die that day and his continued survival is unraveling the timeline
— Armand Domalewski Thinks It Is Good Kamala Swears (@ArmandDoma) August 1, 2024

https://t.co/ZdvXHRUThi pic.twitter.com/yDrXYqxzRB
— paige (@BonerWizard) August 1, 2024

holy shit lmao pic.twitter.com/bhCEygTtnv
— Rob DenBleyker (@RobDenBleyker) August 1, 2024

When you get punched a little too hard. pic.twitter.com/3reuPlpo4q
— Claudia (@claudianvm) August 1, 2024

how fucking dumb do you have to be to think that Algeria sent a trans person to the Olympics
— Conor Rogers (@conorjrogers) August 1, 2024

Getting punched in your shit so hard that you lie and start an international outrage that has to be debunked by the IOC is wild as hell. Time to take up badminton.
— 🐿️✨America Is Musty✨🐿️ (@DragonflyJonez) August 1, 2024

jk rowling's profile picture revealing visible black mold that is apparently growing up her walls is probably the greatest chekhov's gun of all time
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) August 1, 2024

This thing is so funny. Do you people really believe that Algeria, the very Arabic, very Islamic, very conservative republic of Algeria, sent a transwoman to represent them? 💀 https://t.co/QEaugAZVlv
— Engr. KN8 (@kaaeto8) August 1, 2024

inside you are two italians. https://t.co/p3CEUuRfP5 pic.twitter.com/iqM2z7eMk9
— one dozen rats at a keyboard (@PanasonicDX4500) August 1, 2024

My favorite video of the Olympics so far is the cameraman for the trampoline gymnastics pic.twitter.com/SNoad1PMrm
— gaut (@0xgaut) August 1, 2024

I don't think this girl has ever run before today pic.twitter.com/GPEZAuqBtc
— fraser ramon (@SteveMerkle9) August 1, 2024

I will IMMEDIATELY buy a ticket to Bill and Ted's Existential Adventure. pic.twitter.com/WaaBtaSVM0
— Ted Geoghegan (@tedgeoghegan) August 1, 2024

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: August 2, 2024

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