COP: victim was strangled by a Versace tie
— Elvish Presley (@_ElvishPresley_) August 12, 2017
DETECTIVE: looks like this was a crime of…
*pokes himself in the eyes*
tf are my sunglasses
August 13Jeff Sessions investigating white supremacists. pic.twitter.com/GB1hNRPDtW
— Cocky McSwagsalot (@MoreAndAgain) August 13, 2017
A solar eclipse? Yeah, that's what we need right now - a sudden darkness falling across America.
— Kevin Kataoka (@KevinKataoka) August 13, 2017
A vintage photo of the X-MEN cast where none of them are dressed like they're going to the same place. pic.twitter.com/FlZ898bPLf
— [kie.ran] (@danblackroyd) August 13, 2017
August 14David: *plays secret chord*
— Alex with an ex (@psybermonkey) August 13, 2017
The Lord: Nice.
Cheerios took a pretty broad shot at Trump pic.twitter.com/AUKli47ABJ
— h. jon benjamin (@HJBenjamin) August 14, 2017
I'm starting to think my "coexist" bumper sticker isn't working
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) August 14, 2017
August 15Millennials Are Killing The Racist Statue Industry
— KRANG T. NELSON (@KrangTNelson) August 15, 2017
"Tell Cersei. I want her to know it was me." pic.twitter.com/7XxFfMMh78
— 🌈Danuel Fetizanan🌈 (@DanuelFetizanan) August 15, 2017
if i gotta watch girls and listen to the chainsmokers so we have something to talk abt at work than ur takes on trump i absolutely will
— anupa (@_anupa) August 16, 2017
August 16Heavenly Father, you know and I know that I need a cocktail or seven and this party has a slide. Blessed Savior, keep me off that slide.
— Sara Benincasa (@SaraJBenincasa) August 16, 2017
*Puts it in gently* *slow back and forth strokes* *hit each side thoroughly* *gags violently* *tears up*
— Jason (@bellicosejason) August 16, 2017
- Me, brushing my fucking tongue
If CDs evolved from tapes, why are there still tapes.
— Jeremy Woodcock (@jwPencilAndPad) August 16, 2017
August 176 yr old me: don't spank me, stop pulling my hair, don't make me go to bed.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) August 16, 2017
30 yr old me: please do all of the above.
Being on an airplane without WiFi in 2017 is the Schrödinger's cat of American democracy
— Lauren Duca (@laurenduca) August 17, 2017
I love fun, island-themed advertising!! pic.twitter.com/4V4cXBR18V
— mike sacks (@michaelbsacks) August 17, 2017
August 18The public is learning how dishonest the Fake News is.Judith Light was the Boss- PERIOD! Not Dopey Tony Danza who has no clue about bossing.
— Donald J. Trump (@TrumpComedyNerd) August 17, 2017
The only inaccurate part of this New Yorker cover is that he has a rudder pic.twitter.com/imhsRg0XrN
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) August 18, 2017
