This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: July 24, 2020
July 17
men really be like "you're soo toxic for telling everyone what i did to you"
— rachelle toarmino (@rchlltrmn) July 17, 2020
Cop: you're going to prison for forgery
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) July 17, 2020
Me *slides him a 37 dollar bill* what about now
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
— suki (@desukidesu) July 17, 2020
Wow this huge wooden horse is great!
[Review updated]
⭐️ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
Ok what the fuck
July 18
Every time I listen to Beethoven's 9th I'm blown away by the fact that a St. Bernard could play piano so well.
— Daniel Keith Sylvester Jr. (@dannsylvester) July 19, 2020
if a mexican restaurant got cups like these you know it's about to be fire pic.twitter.com/FrnKsw4Ihx
— matt james (@matthewavocado) July 18, 2020
I find it hilarious that Bill Nye joined TikTok on some "cut the shit" energy. 😆 pic.twitter.com/Pwjw3Vnq9G
— ℝ𝕒𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕟𝕒 (@Rashona) July 19, 2020
Wear your mask ☺️ pic.twitter.com/LzpAYyk74P
— nick (@airpodqueen) July 18, 2020
My son has a Thomas the Train bed and now I'll never sleep again pic.twitter.com/ilvjY4LERs
— Nathan Thomas (@isosmrt) July 18, 2020
July 19
The people who want the schools open don't appear to have learned anything while they were there.
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) July 19, 2020
I thought this was one of them Scooby doo sammiches before reading the caption https://t.co/Eqdsg8VBIF
— Bria Celest (@55mmbae) July 19, 2020
So to review, based on his own accounts, the President has taken multiple cognition tests for dementia during his presidency, finds them "very hard" and says doctors have professed "great surprise" he was able to answer all the questions.
— Josh Marshall (@joshtpm) July 19, 2020
can't stop thinking about the overlap between people who say "all lives matter" and people who refuse to wear a mask to protect even just one life
— Sara Schaefer (@saraschaefer1) July 19, 2020
July 20
just saw someone use the term "hxmeless" and my head exploded
— jon bidet ramsey (@SlutStrathcona) July 20, 2020
thinking of this woman from the season 1 Shark Tank rerun I watched tonight who pitched fun face masks and proceeded to be shot down by everyone pic.twitter.com/nFjLSSCS6p
— Megh Wright (@megh_wright) July 21, 2020
When you use images from your own presidency to warn of what would happen if your opponent won pic.twitter.com/DFtOYu4WuO
— Taniel (@Taniel) July 20, 2020
the oscar for outstanding performance this yr goes to the people who posted black boxes on instagram and never said a word again 🏆
— miski (@musegold) July 20, 2020
This may be the best 14 seconds in the history of CNN.pic.twitter.com/v4K6LV0ACu
— Brian Tyler Cohen (@briantylercohen) July 20, 2020
Let's go girls send tweet
— Shania Twain (@ShaniaTwain) July 20, 2020
July 21
"the government has no business making me wear a mask" i say before i buckle my seatbelt, drive the speed limit to a restaurant built to code, eat food made in a state inspected kitchen, receive the heimlich maneuver from a waiter who learned it from a mandatory workplace poster,
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) July 21, 2020
— Mary L Trump (@MaryLTrump) July 22, 2020
Is any relationship strong enough to survive the "WHY YOU LEFT ME WHEN THAT LIVESTOCK RAN UP?"! conversation on the car ride home? pic.twitter.com/xOJNdIWnqS
— Roy Wood Jr- Ex Jedi (@roywoodjr) July 21, 2020
I can think of four times when Trump has publicly extended his best wishes to people charged with federal crimes by DOJ: Roger Stone, Michael Flynn, Paul Manafort — and now Ghislaine Maxwell.
— Elie Honig (@eliehonig) July 21, 2020
Today would've been Dad's 69th birthday, so to honor him (& that glorious number), I will be donating $69.69 to as many local homeless shelters as I can. Join me if you like, but regardless, know I am wishing you all at least one hearty, immature belly laugh on Dad today ♥️
— Zelda Williams (@zeldawilliams) July 21, 2020
Robin Williams on golf. Enjoy.
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) July 21, 2020
He would have been 69-years old today.pic.twitter.com/dsU2uAXwy9
July 22
Was this really necessary Jimmy from LinkedIn????? pic.twitter.com/IOSBsC623C
— cc (@okcandice_) July 22, 2020
can't wait to read this headline like it's brand new every month for the next two years https://t.co/WXz9gy8KxU
— 🔪 🔪 🔪 (@0xAFAEBABE) July 22, 2020
Do you get extra points if you get it in order? Or do you have the same points if you get it out of order? Are more points good or badder than out of order non-points in order if you get it right extra points? https://t.co/3pAST64BlN
— Mr. Bob Odenkirk (@mrbobodenkirk) July 23, 2020
person woman man camera tv pic.twitter.com/RUxmGJfjC9
— Vic Berger IV (@VicBergerIV) July 23, 2020
But um... it's happening right now. https://t.co/beEzSVAkfM
— Soledad O'Brien (@soledadobrien) July 22, 2020
July 23
I've seen more photos of trump with Ghislaine Maxwell than with Barron.
— romy🦋 (@romyreiner) July 23, 2020
Washington Fugazis or nothing.
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) July 24, 2020
The dude doesn't want people catching anything. Respect the consistency. https://t.co/TyBeeH44sJ
— Nikolai Joseph (@nikopotomous) July 24, 2020