Is Batman twerking, LinkedIn tells you when someone's lurking, Uber might be shirking, a cop asks why you're smirking, and much more from this week in funny tweets.<br>
<br>
<strong>August 7</strong>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Legit thougt this was batman twerking <a href="https://t.co/eMUbwguLS7">pic.twitter.com/eMUbwguLS7</a></p>
— jorge (@NoOneCorrectMe) <a href="https://twitter.com/NoOneCorrectMe/status/1291741732292497408?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 7, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Tf is this 😭😭 <a href="https://t.co/3eCuY6Tude">pic.twitter.com/3eCuY6Tude</a></p>
— DMarcus Hammond (@dmarcushammond_) <a href="https://twitter.com/dmarcushammond_/status/1291848711425990656?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 7, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I still think about this <a href="https://t.co/Yk7Zo2dbqn">pic.twitter.com/Yk7Zo2dbqn</a></p>
— Tj🦍 (@Mr_Santiagos) <a href="https://twitter.com/Mr_Santiagos/status/1291788734783008770?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 7, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">And I'll do it again <a href="https://t.co/d0780eGC4a">https://t.co/d0780eGC4a</a></p>
— Owl From Louisiana 🦉 (@OwlLouisiana) <a href="https://twitter.com/OwlLouisiana/status/1291960746759401472?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>August 8</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">The library is charging me late fees for a book. I can't return the book because the library has closed early due to covid. The library has also blocked the self-service drop-off due to covid. The book is Catch-22.</p>
— Nick Douglas (@toomuchnick) <a href="https://twitter.com/toomuchnick/status/1292221715104309248?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">being notified when someone visits your profile on LinkedIn is the most chaotic feature of any social media</p>
— mattfred (@itsmattfred) <a href="https://twitter.com/itsmattfred/status/1292143962879340548?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">18-20 is arguably the same age 3 years in a row</p>
— Floyd (@dathantennyson) <a href="https://twitter.com/dathantennyson/status/1292140575496572929?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I ain't say that shit <a href="https://t.co/OLVjHhvaBY">https://t.co/OLVjHhvaBY</a></p>
— Man minding his business (@cam__roy) <a href="https://twitter.com/cam__roy/status/1292327646563643392?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">My girlfriend (Instagram user) and me (twitter user). <a href="https://t.co/96z6o9aaIT">pic.twitter.com/96z6o9aaIT</a></p>
— New and Improved Dave McNamee (@DaveMcNamee3000) <a href="https://twitter.com/DaveMcNamee3000/status/1292280905298358273?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">when you click on someone's live and you're the only one watching <a href="https://t.co/D6k1eoqGjR">https://t.co/D6k1eoqGjR</a></p>
— Soul Food 🦋 (@SoleilNichole) <a href="https://twitter.com/SoleilNichole/status/1292299623567163394?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>August 9</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">real estate agent: this house has 1 bedroom, 50 hallways, and it's haunted.<br>
<br>
pacman: sold</p>
— cam (@climaxximus) <a href="https://twitter.com/climaxximus/status/1292488408833482753?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">thinking about how robert pattinson scared off his own stalker by just being himself again <a href="https://t.co/hBB2xm2Kc7">pic.twitter.com/hBB2xm2Kc7</a></p>
— Sarah McGonagall (@gothspiderbitch) <a href="https://twitter.com/gothspiderbitch/status/1292661172752330764?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 10, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">MARCH: Teachers are going above and beyond.<br>
<br>
APRIL: Teachers are heroes and deserve our support.<br>
<br>
MAY: Teachers should be millionaires.<br>
<br>
JUNE: We need to cut school budgets.<br>
<br>
JULY: Teachers need to go back to school.<br>
<br>
AUGUST: Teachers are selfish and don't care.</p>
— Nicholas Ferroni (@NicholasFerroni) <a href="https://twitter.com/NicholasFerroni/status/1292511365802921984?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Absolutely a classic <a href="https://t.co/xwH8ON2G27">pic.twitter.com/xwH8ON2G27</a></p>
— peter @ carrot zone (@ratdad666) <a href="https://twitter.com/ratdad666/status/1292688708144070657?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 10, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">This part.... <a href="https://t.co/63MyNj9qMC">pic.twitter.com/63MyNj9qMC</a></p>
— Leslie Jones 🦋 (@Lesdoggg) <a href="https://twitter.com/Lesdoggg/status/1292588719015256065?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>August 10</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Can't get enough of the Phil Collins Block or Charge... <a href="https://t.co/8e49mRGZjg">pic.twitter.com/8e49mRGZjg</a></p>
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) <a href="https://twitter.com/RexChapman/status/1293004308418568192?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 11, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Hey guys!!! I wanted to let you know that I'm deleting my mental health to focus more on social media. Hope you will all support me!</p>
— shan 🐞🧚🏻‍♀️ (@shan4vp) <a href="https://twitter.com/shan4vp/status/1293064355437838342?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 11, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Lmfaoooooo what yal gon do? Send em home?💀💀💀 <a href="https://t.co/5bMMK4NDbx">https://t.co/5bMMK4NDbx</a></p>
— Mercoochieo (@yikeseth_) <a href="https://twitter.com/yikeseth_/status/1292977547349819395?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 11, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">serious question: what do americans think petitions do lol <a href="https://t.co/rBjeCaGHAa">https://t.co/rBjeCaGHAa</a></p>
— disposable! irredeemable! (@untitledfag) <a href="https://twitter.com/untitledfag/status/1293032573137047555?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 11, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">THIS. IS. PERFECT. <a href="https://t.co/KFGgOhS1KN">pic.twitter.com/KFGgOhS1KN</a></p>
— TODD SPENCE (@Todd_Spence) <a href="https://twitter.com/Todd_Spence/status/1293055465438363648?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 11, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Nothing can prepare you for the journey you're about to take through this video.<a href="https://t.co/Ljo5YIqtFf">pic.twitter.com/Ljo5YIqtFf</a></p>
— Leon Langford (@MasonLLL) <a href="https://twitter.com/MasonLLL/status/1292989755374759941?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 11, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>August 11</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">me: my cat's stuck in a tree!<br>
<br>
fire department: sorry sir, but right now we're only responding to fires<br>
<br>
me: ok gimme a sec</p>
— hype (@TheHyyyype) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheHyyyype/status/1293233810696540161?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 11, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">fetty wap is short for fettuccine wet ass pussy</p>
— joe denise hate account (@midlifetimmy) <a href="https://twitter.com/midlifetimmy/status/1293210247088074752?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 11, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">everyone: defund the police<br>
<br>
biden: here's a cop vp</p>
— james (@heybuddy_comic) <a href="https://twitter.com/heybuddy_comic/status/1293282955767558144?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 11, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>August 12</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">cop: are u high<br>
<br>
me: hello, am i what<br>
<br>
cop: high<br>
<br>
me: hello</p>
— cory (@harvardgraduat) <a href="https://twitter.com/harvardgraduat/status/1293570001589264385?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 12, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">i've always hated the idea of a "man cave" because what the fuck do men need a break from</p>
— i praydalor my sodakeep (@AlmondTiddies) <a href="https://twitter.com/AlmondTiddies/status/1293648577281982464?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 12, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I don't typically post dms but I was really proud of this one. <a href="https://t.co/oDgLXeI8ho">pic.twitter.com/oDgLXeI8ho</a></p>
— Fruity Nessa 🍍 (@FruityNesa) <a href="https://twitter.com/FruityNesa/status/1293609440076345344?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 12, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">┏┓<br>
┃┃╱╲ in this<br>
┃╱╱╲╲ house<br>
╱╱╭╮╲╲<br>
▔▏┗┛▕▔<br>
╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲<br>
there's some whores<br>
╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲<br>
▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔</p>
— Pallavi (@PallaviGunalan) <a href="https://twitter.com/PallaviGunalan/status/1293691859244429312?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 12, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Love when "genius businesses" fall to shit when you point out the genius part was just not paying employees <a href="https://t.co/gPUq4zBZlL">https://t.co/gPUq4zBZlL</a></p>
— eli yudin (@eliyudin) <a href="https://twitter.com/eliyudin/status/1293588569274097664?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 12, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>August 13</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">how :) the fuck :) is this not enough :) to remove him :) from office :) every day :) is a new nightmare :) with no way :) to wake up :) <a href="https://t.co/eow9687GxL">https://t.co/eow9687GxL</a></p>
— danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber) <a href="https://twitter.com/danielleweisber/status/1293961849801605120?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 13, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">If I ever get murdered, I want two white women with a podcast to solve it in their free time</p>
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) <a href="https://twitter.com/adamgreattweet/status/1293971848691163136?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 13, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">k-pop stans we need you to mobilize for the USPS</p>
— Erin Sullivan (@sullivem) <a href="https://twitter.com/sullivem/status/1293991986882519040?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 13, 2020</a></blockquote>
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Vish Khanna

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: August 14, 2020

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