R. Kelly "Hair Braider"

R. Kelly "Hair Braider"
I hate to think I’m obsessed with a man who can’t seem to keep his hands off teenage girls but the crazier Robert Sylvester Kelly gets, the more I'm dying to hear what crackpot ideas he's got planned next.

I can see how long-time purists are concerned over Kelly's last few endeavours. The guy went from the "world’s greatest” R&B singer to some trippin’ dude writing a wacked-out, 22-chapter soap opera with more twists than the lifetime of Days of Our Lives (and that's including Marlena's visit from Satan), passionately carrying a one-sided argument with his lady ("Real Talk”) and well, let’s face it, the man ain’t been right in some time (see "Sex Planet” or that ridiculous spinning shot of his melon in the video for "Ignition (Remix)”). But truth be told, I’d take the nutter over the casanova any day.

"Hair Braider,” as the title insinuates, is another histrionic doozy that finds the corn-row-favoring singer honouring his sexy, freaky, weed-smokin’ stylist. The beat pops predictably, the chorus flows like every other Kelly track and he slips in plenty of objectionable innuendo. It’s nowhere near as infectious as last year’s "I’m A Flirt,” and even takes a good seven or eight listens before you see what the fuss is about, but damn, it’s like getting cuddled and licked by that fugly puppy who just wants your love. There’s no turning away, and once you get it you’ll be scouring the Yellow Pages for some braids. Hell, even the blatant overkill with the vocoder will have you wondering why T-Pain’s the only one getting props for robotic R&B.

R. Kelly "Hair Braider”