Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous John Pasquin

If Webster and Oxford had a rendezvous on the weekend and redefined the word "fabulous" as "abysmal: a fabulous piece of the smelliest dogshit" without my knowledge then yes, Miss Congeniality 2 is definitely "armed with fabulousness." If not, Pasquin and the producers of this film have a funny idea of what that word means. In this sequel, Sandra Bullock returns as Gracie Hart, the hard-assed, nose-snorting cop who accidentally became a beauty pageant queen. And to be honest, Bullock's personality fits the role well; however, that isn't supposed to be an accolade. The film follows Hart months after the original's ending, as she gets dumped by Benjamin Bratt's character (who's not in the film) and quickly finds herself as the new glamour face of the FBI. In her new role, Hart transforms from her tomboy rigid persona into her worst nightmare — a real (gulp) woman. When her best friends, Miss USA (Heather Burns) and Stan Fields (a campy William Shatner), are kidnapped for a ransom, Hart is sent in to investigate along with her new bodyguard, the equally unbelievable Sam Fuller (a truly wasted performance by Regina King). Miss Congeniality 2 is a trying film; it fails to provide any real comedic moments, unless you're looking for laughs from the big dumb guy from The Drew Carey Show playing one of the worst gay stereotypical film roles in recent memory. Thanks to her grating snort (honestly, who finds that funny?), her overpowering volume and the tendency to resort to self-parody for amusement, Bullock becomes the only joke in this film. And that's not worth laughing at either. (Warner)