Morrissey is out and Crow is in, scolding a raccoon for unforgivable sin, seeing Chicago in Hamilton, for Elon Musk, what coulda been and much more from this week in funny tweets. 
&nbsp; 
July 20

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
no idea what the shit is wrong with my brother but he's forever a legend for this one <a href="https://t.co/HYwuYSUDWn">pic.twitter.com/HYwuYSUDWn</a>
— kyle (@sosagoth) <a href="https://twitter.com/sosagoth/status/1152612040638382090?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 20, 2019</a></blockquote>
 <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> 
July 21

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
me: [googling] what do leg bleeding raccoon bite 
 
google: elevate and apply pressure 
 
me: [lifting raccoon real high] apologize or else
— rocket (@tweetsbyrocket) <a href="https://twitter.com/tweetsbyrocket/status/1153051403172089856?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 21, 2019</a></blockquote>
 <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<a href="https://t.co/2pqBetFBTv">pic.twitter.com/2pqBetFBTv</a>
— Satisfying Daily (@SatisfyingDaily) <a href="https://twitter.com/SatisfyingDaily/status/1153032000338636800?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 21, 2019</a></blockquote>
 <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> 
July 22

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
octopus: [gun in each hand] 
 
cat: you're one short buddy
— rocket (@tweetsbyrocket) <a href="https://twitter.com/tweetsbyrocket/status/1153307139760373760?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 22, 2019</a></blockquote>
 <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
Dude Rorschach is my favourite superhero i just wish his mask didnt have a picture of my parents fighting on it
— Raptors (@Raptors__) <a href="https://twitter.com/Raptors__/status/1153154615363473408?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 22, 2019</a></blockquote>
 <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
look honey, I know I promised I could get us tickets to see Hamilton in Chicago, but I got us the next best thing: tickets to see Chicago in Hamilton
— ℳatt (@matttomic) <a href="https://twitter.com/matttomic/status/1153447972694384640?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 22, 2019</a></blockquote>
 <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
Driving up that hill <a href="https://t.co/9IJrH9R5KK">pic.twitter.com/9IJrH9R5KK</a>
— Eric Emm (@ericemm) <a href="https://twitter.com/ericemm/status/1153360889040580608?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 22, 2019</a></blockquote>
 <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> 
July 23

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
Elon Musk is what Tony Stark would've been without Pepper Pots
— average joe (@jazz_inmypants) <a href="https://twitter.com/jazz_inmypants/status/1153645764305981441?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 23, 2019</a></blockquote>
 <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> 
July 24

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
I don't normally post political tweets but this emu playing with a sprinkler is very important. <a href="https://t.co/Pei8ZhaeZ8">pic.twitter.com/Pei8ZhaeZ8</a>
— Paul Bronks (@SlenderSherbet) <a href="https://twitter.com/SlenderSherbet/status/1154079359864623111?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 24, 2019</a></blockquote>
 <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> 
July 25

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
when the yoga teacher tells u to take ur time coming to a seated position at the top of ur mat <a href="https://t.co/PgCaYYa5MJ">pic.twitter.com/PgCaYYa5MJ</a>
— frankie (@frankiegreek) <a href="https://twitter.com/frankiegreek/status/1154460046622777344?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 25, 2019</a></blockquote>
 <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
There s a sticker on my food that says "ready to eat". no I'm ready to eat. it should say ready to be eaten
— Harrison 9⃣ (@harriweinreb) <a href="https://twitter.com/harriweinreb/status/1154549352754364416?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 26, 2019</a></blockquote>
 <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
PETER PAN: we meet again, Captain Hook 
 
CAPTAIN HOOK: well well well-- wait u guys call me Hook? 
 
PETER PAN: yeah 
 
CAPTAIN HOOK: because of the hand? 
 
PETER PAN: ...i'm sorr- 
 
CAPTAIN HOOK: wow ok hey my dads dead too why not call me captain dead dad
— average joe (@jazz_inmypants) <a href="https://twitter.com/jazz_inmypants/status/1154404348128092162?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 25, 2019</a></blockquote>
 <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> 
July 26

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
for the past 3 years ive stopped buying a daily starbucks latte. ihave saved so much money that i can now afford to be buried in a casket. no more just throwing my rotting bones into the dirt for this guy. put me in some pine baby. thank u Financial Times. making thos dreams real
— TORMABLAIEFDHZSJKLNBDSFEJKL PICKASDFJKLFDSNMKOFDSJ (@Tormny_Pickeals) <a href="https://twitter.com/Tormny_Pickeals/status/1154755894003081218?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 26, 2019</a></blockquote>
 <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
why is every reddit relationships question like "i [F29] love my fiance [M34], except whenever we fight, he takes a dump in the living room, then makes me refer to his dump as 'Mr. Hoskins' and apologize to it. am i overreacting? our wedding is in 6 hours"
— Gabrielle Moss (@Gaby_Moss) <a href="https://twitter.com/Gaby_Moss/status/1154737833598435328?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 26, 2019</a></blockquote>
 <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
toddler car seats and gamer chairs... are the same <a href="https://t.co/pt1a1cmD9z">pic.twitter.com/pt1a1cmD9z</a>
— jamison ⚓️ (@jhermann) <a href="https://twitter.com/jhermann/status/1154798485054611456?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 26, 2019</a></blockquote>
 <script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

James Keast

Features

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: July 26, 2019

Vance Joy Announces 'Dream Your Life Away' 10th Anniversary Shows

Corridor's 'Mimi' Is Total Ear Candy 

Justice Ditch the Clutter on 'Hyperdrama' 

Watch Neil Young & Crazy Horse Premiere the Lost Verse from "Cortez the Killer"

Directed by Luca Guadagnino

Zendaya Serves and Slays in 'Challengers'

Pet Shop Boys' Neil Tennant Wants to Know What Taylor Swift's "Billie Jean" Is

Pearl Jam Drummer Matt Cameron's Teenage Cover Band Got a Cease and Desist Letter from KISS

BC Renter Evicted After Asking Landlord to Turn Music Down

Watch Toronto Raptors Star Scottie Barnes's Impassioned Maroon 5 Cover

Billie Eilish, Green Day, Lorde Sign Open Letter Supporting Ticketing Reform Act

Moody Blues Co-Founder Mike Pinder Dead at 82

Five Must-See Acts at Ontario's All Your Friends Fest 2024

Explosions in the Sky Plot Canadian Tour

Arkells Announce 2024 Canadian Tour with Joel Plaskett Emergency, Valley and More

Neil Young & Crazy Horse's New Album 'Fu##in' Up' Was Recorded at Toronto's Rivoli

20240206 Waxahatchee Cover sm.jpg

Exclaim! Spring 2024 Khruangbin Cover sm.jpg

20231128Exclaim!HolidayIssueCoverDannyBrown_sm.jpg

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: July 26, 2019

Latest Coverage

Vance Joy Announces 'Dream Your Life Away' 10th Anniversary Shows

Corridor's 'Mimi' Is Total Ear Candy

Justice Ditch the Clutter on 'Hyperdrama'

Watch Neil Young & Crazy Horse Premiere the Lost Verse from "Cortez the Killer"