Dogs are so ridiculously dramatic at life lmao. pic.twitter.com/skqywSXBdk— Clint Falin (@ClintFalin) January 13, 2018
My dad is in Hawaii for travel... pic.twitter.com/6JXecxuIBt— Jason anderson (@JasonMan811) January 13, 2018
I walk out of Target to the scene of a child laying motionless on the ground. I asked what was wrong and the dad said— a real dinosaur (@SparkyROAR) January 13, 2018
"He's upset his gloves match his jacket." pic.twitter.com/hYMJRbZxkf
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL pic.twitter.com/lIuXdKQqjh— Hot Mess (@SupposedlyAsian) January 13, 2018
I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO BED I THINK INSTEAD I WILL DO NOTHING FOR THREE HOURS AND THEN WAKE UP INCREDIBLY TIRED— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) January 15, 2018
ME (a plane scientist): ah yes, the plane is clearly thirsty pic.twitter.com/d4NKivvmMM— KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) January 14, 2018
I thought it was perfect and it so is but then I turned on the sound and IT SOMEHOW GOT BETTER pic.twitter.com/uAJxCtClX8— shauna (@goldengateblond) January 15, 2018
Okay printer let's print this document— Daniel Kibblesmith ⛄️⚔️🦖 (@kibblesmith) January 15, 2018
🖨: WHOOOH YEAH ALRIGHT
Oops made a mistake, cancel print job please
🖨: FUCK THAT
I said cancel
🖨: TOO LATE HERE COMES HALF A PAGE
🖨: DO WHATEVER YOU WANT I'M GONNA RUN A BUNCH OF BLANK SHEETS THROUGH HERE WHOOOH
Even the shadows in Edinburgh are scottish pic.twitter.com/X6RYOqJ7w1— Adam Hess (@adamhess1) January 14, 2018
I want to be have been in the meeting where this was discussed pic.twitter.com/LGhrY6VTeA— Natasha VC (@natashavc) January 15, 2018
CRAZY >> Obama said it was dumb for a cop to arrest a black Harvard professor who was entering his own home & it was a month-long story.— Steven Greenhouse (@greenhousenyt) January 15, 2018
Trump had an affair with a porn star & paid her $130,000 in hush money a few weeks before the 2016 election, and it was just a one-day story.
Y'all made H&M drop prices by 80% imma need y'all to find the most racist thing gucci has ever done so I can go shopping— lil chidori (@moist_bennett) January 15, 2018
this little girl next door just opened her window and yelled "what's 49 plus 13?" so i yelled back 62 and she said thank you god— zander (@finah) January 15, 2018
Obviously if Obama were credibly accused of paying six figures of hush money to a porn star conservatives would say it's fine because it was consensual and the media would move on immediately.— Matthew Yglesias (@mattyglesias) January 16, 2018
Please don't fat shame our morbidly obese piece of shit president.— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) January 16, 2018
A duck musta been at the door wae a parcel this mornin pic.twitter.com/ObLX5nBOwI— Fortune (@Fortune_91) January 16, 2018
Donald Trump is racist feet tall and weighs 21 allegations of sexual abuse putting his overall health at white supremacist.— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) January 16, 2018
hey just a heads up if somebody asks you to not politicize something "at this moment" it's because they're fully aware the position they'd ordinarily so vehemently defend would, in that very moment, make them look like a colossal piece of shit— rob whisman (@robwhisman) January 17, 2018
As long as Mueller puts 239 lbs. of Trump in jail, we don't care what he does with the other 50.— Tea Pain (@TeaPainUSA) January 16, 2018
this is the best interaction on twitter pic.twitter.com/PahLukYN2H— adam (@burgerkrang) January 17, 2018
Crazy reveal from porn star Stormy Daniels: Trump's GOP has let more than 100 days go by without reauthorizing the Children's Health Insurance Program, and the president himself is the main obstacle to a bipartisan deal to save Dreamers!— Ezra Klein (@ezraklein) January 17, 2018
NINTENDO: Nintendo Labo is for kids and those that like kid stuff!— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) January 17, 2018
ADULT GAMER: Okay, but what if I don't want it?
NINTENDO: Totally fine. It's for kids.
ADULT GAMER: Yes, but cardboard? Really? Not in my game room!
NINTENDO: It's for kids.
ADULT GAMER: But how is it for me?
Hold on a DAMN SECOND. LeBron James just no-look, behind-the-back nutmegged Aaron Gordon. Holy 🔥 pic.twitter.com/i3R4DAjdjf— Rob Perez (@World_Wide_Wob) January 19, 2018
I wish men would put as much confidence in women as they do in bitcoin— TIG NOTARO (@TigNotaro) January 18, 2018
If Donald Trump likes being spanked with a magazine, he's going to love it when a judge throws the book at him.— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) January 19, 2018
Soon to be an official sentence, because this is the world we live in now: "The White House has no comment on whether a porn star spanked the President with a copy of Forbes magazine with his face on the cover."— Randi Mayem Singer (@rmayemsinger) January 18, 2018
call me high-brow but i'd rather be spanked with a New Yorker...— Bruce McCulloch (@BrucioMcCulloch) January 19, 2018
crazy that no one believes me when I tell them I was in Apollo 13 pic.twitter.com/fOy0ggReDN— Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) January 19, 2018
Every Democrat's speech today should begin and end with this:— Lawrence O'Donnell (@Lawrence) January 19, 2018
"We are approaching a shutdown because Mexico did not pay for the wall."
Oh my god Trump says he doesn't support babies staying in their mother's womb for the full nine months. This is frightening!! pic.twitter.com/PSPBaMFiT5— Vic Berger IV (@VicBergerIV) January 19, 2018
It's Moron In America pic.twitter.com/aVZCQOi3VN— Keith Olbermann (@KeithOlbermann) January 19, 2018