Canada's only exclusive standup and sketch comedy label, Comedy Records, and Exclaim! present the Comedy Records Showcase, which takes place on the first Thursday of every month at Wenona Lodge (1069 Bloor St. W) in Toronto. Showtimes are at 9 p.m. sharp for the next instalment on Thursday, April 6, featuring Arthur Simeon, Megan Petit and Dylan Gott.
Arthur Simeon is originally from Kampala, Uganda but currently calls Toronto home.
"I don't dislike anything about myself," Simeon says, responding to a question probing his self-esteem. "I'm kind, funny, good-looking, intelligent and a great listener. I cook stuff, fix stuff and I'm adventurous. I'm obviously amazing in bed — I nap quite often. I'm pretty much perfect.
"I'd like SWV's classic 'Can We Get Freaky Tonight' to play at my funeral," he adds. "It's a sexy song and everyone would try and get laid during or after my funeral. That would be my legacy. 'Remember Arthur's funeral... sex party?'"
Beyond our April 6 showcase, you can see Arthur live in Hamilton, Ontario at the Zoetic on April 8, and in Montreal from April 20 to 22 at the Comedy Nest.
Megan Petit was born and raised in Hamilton, ON, a fine city she still calls home.
"The thing I like and dislike the most about myself is that I'm a good listener," she says. "People tend to tell me their innermost secrets. It's wild what people say when you actively listen. I feel incredibly flattered and my life is rich with meaningful friendships but, like, if I'm three vodka tonics in and waiting for the bathroom, I don't always want a stranger to barf their deepest regrets in my ear."
That said, Petit always has time for a conversation about horror nerd episodes of Law & Order.
"There are goth episodes sprinkled throughout the decades the show has been running," Petit explains. "Stumbling on one is like getting a kiss from a rose on the grey. There's always a non-goth parent or friend concerned about their black lipstick. It's beautiful. There's one with Jeff Goldblum in it, oh God."
Dylan Gott is from Stouffville, ON but currently lives in London, England.
"I'm really the total package to be honest," Gott states. "10/10 looks, 10/10 stamina, 10/10 strength, and just natural quick twitch muscles. I dislike that my knees hurt a lot all the time, because I can't move laterally really, due to an old football injury.
"The injury was a torn ACL that ended my three-play football career," he adds, "and when it happened I screamed so effeminately that all the players on the team were laughing too hard to carry me off of the field."
Perhaps some of those same players can attend Gott's funeral, where he'd like "Cemetery Gates" by Pantera to soundtrack the unhappy occasion.
"I would get invisible strings so I could come alive during the guitar solo then pay a guy to shoot my head off with a shotgun when it ends," he says, disturbingly. "Very few funerals end on a high, so I'd like to stand out."
You can also catch Gott live from March 31 to April 1 in Ajax, ON at Yuk Yuks, on April 7 and 8 at the Comedy Quarry in Windsor, ON and April 15 at the Comedy Bar in Toronto, and from April 20 to 22 in Ottawa at Yuk Yuks.
Find out just how perfect these comedians are by attending this showcase and only speaking when you're asked to.
A ten-dollar ticket includes one pint of Steamwhistle; you can buy tickets in advance here.