See No Evil Gregory Dark

Any film brandishing the WWE logo and the name Vince McMahon as an executive producer is bound to be targeted schlock (also see The Marine). But give "the big red machine” Kane a billing larger than the title and you also know what you’re getting into: torturous violence and dreadful acting (see also his wrestling career). No surprises then that See No Evil is arguably the worst film of 2006. Solely existing as a vehicle to launch WWE Films, as well as the "acting” careers for the company’s surplus of knuckleheaded steroid chompers (the Rock is truly an exception), this film is bad even by horror b-movie standards. Kane plays Jacob Goodnight, a sadistic, tormented monster that skulks in gnarly places and takes his frustrations by slaying then removing the eyeballs of his victims. We learn he is the product of an overbearing, devout mother (how original), which is a back-story that makes the film worse. When some juvenile delinquents are hauled to an abandoned hotel to fix it up, they become pawns in Jacob’s game of kill or be killed. As bad as it gets, nothing quite prepares you for the final shot where a stray dog urinates into the eye socket of a corpse and in turn, sums up what this film is made of. For a laugh, try and sit through Kane’s commentary. He demonstrates he isn’t the dumb jock people may stereotype him as but also reveals he took his role a little too seriously ("Gregory let me find Jacob Goodnight by myself”) and cannot shake the wrestler inside ("Michael uses a pretty good choke hold there. Not bad, not bad at all”). Plus: featurette. (Maple)