'Twas the night before (the night before the night before) Christmas, and all through the internet, the Omicron surge was abuzz with nary a rapid test. But let's forget about all that for a minute, because none other than the sugar plum fairy queen Jennifer Coolidge (White Lotus, Legally Blonde, King of the Hill) is here to read us a story.
Promoting her latest film, Netflix's Single All the Way, the tree-topping angel has sat down by the fireplace to recite the classic tale of The Night Before Christmas — her favourite story of all time.
"My great grandfather used to read this to me when I was a little child on Christmas Eve," Coolidge begins in her signature husky tone, which feels like she's both trying to seduce you and telling you a life-altering secret. "Now he's dead," she smiles.
Sipping on some — presumably spiked — 'nog from a wine glass, the actor proceeds to deliver a reading of each well-known line with the zest of having just experienced the English language itself for the first time. Decked out with mistletoe nestled between her breasts, much like the children all snug in their beds, she's tucking us all in for a long winter's nap with this soothing yet thrilling spoken-word performance.
"Happy holidays, kids — and make sure that your yuletides are gay," Coolidge closes sagely. "Catch ya under the camel toe."
Get your tidings of comfort and joy with Coolidge's bedtime story below.
Elsewhere in delightful season's greetings, Kate Bush wants to tell you about a bird she saw.
Promoting her latest film, Netflix's Single All the Way, the tree-topping angel has sat down by the fireplace to recite the classic tale of The Night Before Christmas — her favourite story of all time.
"My great grandfather used to read this to me when I was a little child on Christmas Eve," Coolidge begins in her signature husky tone, which feels like she's both trying to seduce you and telling you a life-altering secret. "Now he's dead," she smiles.
Sipping on some — presumably spiked — 'nog from a wine glass, the actor proceeds to deliver a reading of each well-known line with the zest of having just experienced the English language itself for the first time. Decked out with mistletoe nestled between her breasts, much like the children all snug in their beds, she's tucking us all in for a long winter's nap with this soothing yet thrilling spoken-word performance.
"Happy holidays, kids — and make sure that your yuletides are gay," Coolidge closes sagely. "Catch ya under the camel toe."
Get your tidings of comfort and joy with Coolidge's bedtime story below.
Elsewhere in delightful season's greetings, Kate Bush wants to tell you about a bird she saw.
