Published Dec 17, 2013Another year means we've seen another batch of fascinating collaborations, artists teaming up for tours and plenty of shout-outs; there's so much love throughout the music world. After a while, though, that can get sort of boring.
Thankfully, plenty of musicians can be spiteful, selfish, jealous and loud. That meant 2013 was littered with beefs between musicians, many of whom picked fights with faceless entities and/or each other. Let us be your hamburger helper as we guide you through 10 situations in which someone was having a cow, man.
Top 10 Beefs of 2013:
10. Sufjan Stevens vs. Savages:
Proving he's as good at nitpicking as he was at crafting vast symphonic pop albums in the mid-2000s, Sufjan Stevens called out beloved UK post-punk band Savages for their typographical choices on the cover of their Silence Yourself album. Specifically, he decried the band's use of Helvetica Narrow, noting that "weight loss is the worst thing that can happen to an iconic font." He also chastised them for "weird italics," "cramped leading" and an "unnecessary line break." While he may or may not have had a point (we'll leave that to the true typeface aficionados to discuss), Stevens mostly came across like a giant nerd. Savages didn't even have to reply — Stevens lost the battle before it began.
9. Fox News' Sean Hannity vs. Ryan Adams:
Though he's an alt-country performer and the husband of actress Mandy Moore, musician Ryan Adams has '80s hardcore pumping through his blood. Not only did he lend some of that energy to a Fall Out Boy album in 2013, but he also decided to take up some beef with conservative political commentator and Fox News personality Sean Hannity. Over on Twitter, Adams wrote, "[email protected] Your entire soul is controlled by fear and by hate. Evolve little chicken man. See reality."
The tweet was removed, but not before Hannity could see it. The Fox anchor offered Adams an on-air segment, to which he replied, "Thanks @seanhannity for inviting me on your show. If I wanted to be yelled at I would go see a Youth of Today reunion show. : )" Instead of getting into a discussion about Youth of Today, which would have been very entertaining, Hannity instead lambasted Adams on his show.
Criticizing his perceived lack of popularity, Hannity said, "If we wanted to torture terrorists, we could play his music, which isn't that popular anyway, and a 24-hour-loop would drive them nuts... Come on the program, stop being a wimp, he's hiding behind his rock star makeup like a little gutless little coward that he is." Too bad this one fizzled out — we have a feeling it could've gotten a whole lot more quotable.
8. Frank Ocean vs. Chris Brown:
While last year's Chris Brown feud involved alleged bottle throwing with Drake over their love of Rihanna, this year's Brown brattiness stemmed from a fight with Frank Ocean. Why were they fighting? Well, over a parking spot, of course. Allegedly, the two got into a verbal spat in the parking lot of a Los Angeles recording studio, and that quickly turned into a brawl. Frank Ocean opted not to press charges, but his cousin Sha'keir Duarte did, suing Brown for assault and battery. Brown responded with a countersuit. So yeah — a year of lawsuits over a parking spot. Good thing these dudes didn't run into each other at a Walmart on Black Friday.
7. The Black Keys' Patrick Carney vs. Justin Bieber:
The Black Keys' Patrick Carney hasn't shied away from speaking his mind and starting fights in the past, beefing with the likes of Napster's Sean Parker, among others. This year, however, he found a powerful enemy in teen heartthrob Justin Bieber. Asked by a TMZ reporter what he thought of Bieber at the Grammy Awards, Carney said, "He's rich, right? Grammys are for music, not for money, and he's making a lot of money. I don't know. He should be happy, I guess."
Bieber caught wind of the quote, and tweeted, "the black keys drummer should be slapped around haha." While that didn't result in any physical slaps, Carney had to contend with thousands and thousands of angry young women on Twitter. Let that be a lesson, Carney: don't mess with teen pop fans. And especially don't share your opinions on One Direction; those kids are legitimately terrifying.
6. Jack White vs. the Black Keys' Dan Auerbach:
The Biebs wasn't the only one getting into it with the Black Keys. Former White Stripes frontman and all-around busy rock 'n' roller Jack White had some less-than-kind words for the duo's frontman, Dan Auerbach. In some leaked divorce documents between White and his ex-wife Karen Elson, White explained that he didn't want his kids attending the same school as Auerbach.
Why? In short, because he thinks Auerbach is lame. Here's an excerpt, with White's original spelling mistakes intact: "My concern with Auerbach is because I don't want the kids involved in any of that crap ... That's a possible twelve fucking years i'mg going to have to be sitting in kids chairs next to that asshole with other people trying to lump us in together. He gets yet another freee reign to follow me around a copy me and push himself into my world."