Let's face it -- Christmas can be pretty damn annoying sometimes. Each year, we have to endure a month (or more) of gaudy decorations, rampant consumerism and cloyingly cheerful songs. If you're feeling sick of the holiday season, here are a few tunes to listen to that ought to help you vent your frustration. These songs range from mopey to violent to self-righteous to downright crude. Peace and good will? Screw that.
Ten Songs to Spoil Your Christmas Cheer:
10. Bright Eyes - "Blue Christmas"
This Christmas classic has been done by everyone from Elvis to the Beach Boys, but nobody has ever made it sound quite so wounded as indie rock poster boy Conor Oberst. His quivering whimper complements the mopey lyrics perfectly, especially when his falsetto gives out on him at the 1:52 mark.
9. Wham! - "Last Christmas"
Just because you have a joyful Christmas Day with the woman you love, that doesn't mean she won't change her mind and dump you the next day. Wham! offer the promise of a new love, but we can't help but guess that the next romance will end the same way. This is the soundtrack to your boozy meltdown at the office Christmas party.
8. Low - "Taking Down the Christmas Tree"
There's nothing quite so irritating as Christmas decorations left up long after the holidays are over. Luckily, we have these slowcore icons to remind us to take down the ornaments and bring the festivities to a bleak, depressing end. Incidentally, Low also did their own take on "Blue Christmas," which is only marginally less gloomy than Bright Eyes' version.
Listen to "Taking Down the Christmas Tree" here.
7. Said the Whale - "Christmas Under the Clouds"
Anyone who's ever experienced Christmas in on the West Coast will be able to relate this tale of seasonal affective disorder, as singer Tyler Bancroft reminds us, "Here we don't get snow / But the rain is just as cold." It ends with an exceedingly un-merry interpolation of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."
Listen to the song here.
6. The Mothers of Invention - "Uncle Bernie's Farm"
Only Mothers of Invention leader Frank Zappa could have come up with something this twisted. It's a scathing social commentary that compares bombs to Christmas toys and skewers the holidays with lines like "There's a book with smiling children / Nearly dead with Christmas joys." The fractured arrangement is nearly as demented as the lyrics.
5. Guided by Voices - "Kicker of Elves"
Not about Christmas, you say? Try telling that to the poor elf who GBV singer Robert Pollard is kicking in this song. This is one of the strangest moments in the brilliant kaleidoscope of song fragments that is 1994's Bee Thousand. Headlights covered the song for the compilation Xmas 3: The War on Christmas!
4. The Kinks - "Father Christmas"
The Kinks specialized in anti-consumerist rants, and this garage rocker about a gang of kids mugging a department store Santa is a perfect example. The arrangement is both gritty and festive, as distorted electric guitars go head-to-head with jingling sleigh bells and tinkling glockenspiels. Don't expect to hear this one in playing in your local shopping mall.
3. Sufjan Stevens -"That Was the Worst Christmas Ever!"
Sufjan describes a Christmas disaster in which his dad flips out and throws all of the presents into the wood stove. But there's nothing violent about this gorgeous folk ballad, which envelops the singer's soft voice in sweetly strummed banjo, cavernous piano and cooing harmonies.
2."Weird Al" Yankovic - "Christmas at Ground Zero"
This 1986 comedy carol is a true product of Cold War paranoia, as "Weird Al" jokes about a Christmas celebrated under a mushroom cloud. As always, he sings as if he just took a massive hit of helium, while his violent lyrics make the cheery, horn-laden accompaniment sound downright sinister. A winter classic (nuclear winter, that is).
1. Fear - "Fuck Christmas"
An overwrought arena waltz that suddenly explodes into a ferocious punk stomper, this bratty anti-Christmas rant plays out in just 44 seconds. Seriously, nothing quite says "I hate the holidays" like "Fuck Christmas." It's so offensive that the band even released a B-side called "(Beep) Christmas," which is the exact same song with the F-bomb's beeped out.
Ten Songs to Spoil Your Christmas Cheer:
10. Bright Eyes - "Blue Christmas"
This Christmas classic has been done by everyone from Elvis to the Beach Boys, but nobody has ever made it sound quite so wounded as indie rock poster boy Conor Oberst. His quivering whimper complements the mopey lyrics perfectly, especially when his falsetto gives out on him at the 1:52 mark.
9. Wham! - "Last Christmas"
Just because you have a joyful Christmas Day with the woman you love, that doesn't mean she won't change her mind and dump you the next day. Wham! offer the promise of a new love, but we can't help but guess that the next romance will end the same way. This is the soundtrack to your boozy meltdown at the office Christmas party.
8. Low - "Taking Down the Christmas Tree"
There's nothing quite so irritating as Christmas decorations left up long after the holidays are over. Luckily, we have these slowcore icons to remind us to take down the ornaments and bring the festivities to a bleak, depressing end. Incidentally, Low also did their own take on "Blue Christmas," which is only marginally less gloomy than Bright Eyes' version.
Listen to "Taking Down the Christmas Tree" here.
7. Said the Whale - "Christmas Under the Clouds"
Anyone who's ever experienced Christmas in on the West Coast will be able to relate this tale of seasonal affective disorder, as singer Tyler Bancroft reminds us, "Here we don't get snow / But the rain is just as cold." It ends with an exceedingly un-merry interpolation of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."
Listen to the song here.
6. The Mothers of Invention - "Uncle Bernie's Farm"
Only Mothers of Invention leader Frank Zappa could have come up with something this twisted. It's a scathing social commentary that compares bombs to Christmas toys and skewers the holidays with lines like "There's a book with smiling children / Nearly dead with Christmas joys." The fractured arrangement is nearly as demented as the lyrics.
5. Guided by Voices - "Kicker of Elves"
Not about Christmas, you say? Try telling that to the poor elf who GBV singer Robert Pollard is kicking in this song. This is one of the strangest moments in the brilliant kaleidoscope of song fragments that is 1994's Bee Thousand. Headlights covered the song for the compilation Xmas 3: The War on Christmas!
4. The Kinks - "Father Christmas"
The Kinks specialized in anti-consumerist rants, and this garage rocker about a gang of kids mugging a department store Santa is a perfect example. The arrangement is both gritty and festive, as distorted electric guitars go head-to-head with jingling sleigh bells and tinkling glockenspiels. Don't expect to hear this one in playing in your local shopping mall.
3. Sufjan Stevens -"That Was the Worst Christmas Ever!"
Sufjan describes a Christmas disaster in which his dad flips out and throws all of the presents into the wood stove. But there's nothing violent about this gorgeous folk ballad, which envelops the singer's soft voice in sweetly strummed banjo, cavernous piano and cooing harmonies.
2."Weird Al" Yankovic - "Christmas at Ground Zero"
This 1986 comedy carol is a true product of Cold War paranoia, as "Weird Al" jokes about a Christmas celebrated under a mushroom cloud. As always, he sings as if he just took a massive hit of helium, while his violent lyrics make the cheery, horn-laden accompaniment sound downright sinister. A winter classic (nuclear winter, that is).
1. Fear - "Fuck Christmas"
An overwrought arena waltz that suddenly explodes into a ferocious punk stomper, this bratty anti-Christmas rant plays out in just 44 seconds. Seriously, nothing quite says "I hate the holidays" like "Fuck Christmas." It's so offensive that the band even released a B-side called "(Beep) Christmas," which is the exact same song with the F-bomb's beeped out.
