Sound of Urchin The Diamond

This is, hands down and without a doubt, the most misleading record and cover of 2005. The Diamond is conspicuously adorned with a "Parental Advisory Explicit Content” sticker on the front. On the flip-side, four portraits of hair metal/washed-up punk and tight Scott Weiland-style loser pants guys are framed by glitter glue. On the interior, many photos of the same guys, rocking out in dirty clubs. The music? Boring, happy, annoying, radio pop music. What the hell? Their mini-pop breakdowns almost maybe kind of sound a little like some other more credible bands, but then they kick back in with the catchy chorus thing. The best guess here is that the band probably have Carl Newman locked in a basement somewhere and they're tormenting him until he produces the secret to successful popular rock, but throws in some wrong ingredients so the indie rock detectives can effectively sniff the difference. The only hint of these musicians matching themselves occurs on the unbearable "Bomb Me,” where a shitty, fake metal riff backs some mediocre group chanting. Urchin guys: please, please put down the fucking guitars. The only thing that could possibly redeem this record is if it’s all an elaborate joke that I'm just not getting. In that case, it's still horrible. (Hybrid)