Revealed: The 100 Greatest Down-and-Out Christmas Songs

Revealed: The 100 Greatest Down-and-Out Christmas Songs
At this point, we assume you've either fully embraced the holiday spirit or can't fucking stand it. Well, if you're the latter, have we ever found the perfect gift for you.

The folks over at Entertainment Weekly have compiled the 100 greatest down-and-out Christmas songs, a list that should give you grinch-y Xmas haters more than enough "lumps of audio coal" to wallow in these holidays.

Included amongst the tracks is everything from the Everly Brothers' "Christmas Eve Will Kill You" to Material Issue's "Merry Christmas Will Do" to the Pogues' "Fairytale of New York" and Simon and Garfunkel's always creepy "7 O'Clock News/Silent Night."

Here are a few of our favourite additions and Entertainment Weekly's accompanying commentary:

Dwight Yoakam "Santa Can't Stay"
"Here, 'Santa' is a drunken, costumed ex-husband who has to be forcibly run off the property by mom's new boyfriend while the distraught kids can't fathom why Saint Nick is getting the bum's rush. The ultimate dysfunctional anthem, yet, amazingly, this one you can actually dance to."

Prince "Another Lonely Christmas"
"Not only is his girlfriend gone, not only is she dead, but she died... on December 25! (Of pneumonia, or strep - he's not sure.) Of course, this being a Prince song, there's a verse devoted to fondly remembering her naked."

William S. Burroughs "A Junky's Christmas"
"Against a musical backdrop of funky elevator music, the late author recites a short story about one man's vain search for holiday heroin. Spoiler: there's an unexpectedly heartwarming ending even Capra might find corny."

Low "If You Were Born Today (Song for Baby Jesus)"
"Some of the members of this lo-fi rock combo are devoutly religious... which may explain their sincere pessimism about humanity when they open this ode to the Christ child by insisting, 'If you were born today, we'd kill you by age eight.' Yow!"

And here's one the list forgot:

Weird Al Yankovic "Christmas At Ground Zero"