Published May 17, 2010Our comrades over at Cracked recently put together their list of the 19 Most Hilariously Failed Attempts at Sexy Album Covers. It's a doozy and made us laugh out loud more than a few times, so we thought we'd pass along a bit of the joy, and our own highlights.
It starts off with a bang with the utterly insane-looking Music to Massage Your Mate By album, which Cracked suggests could also easily be called Music to Drug Some Woman You Meet At a Bar So You Can Take Her Home and Chain Her Up in Your Rape Dungeon For Six Months At Which Point You Mistakenly Begin to Believe Has Developed Feelings For You So You Unchain Her and She Escapes and the Police Arrest You and Find Sixteen Skulls Buried Under Your Front Porch By.
Then it's off Orleans's Waking and Dreaming, one of many unintentionally homoerotic albums showcased here (see also: Bros', uh, Chocolate Box). But for our money, the most horrifyingly miserable failure when it comes to being sexy is Herbie Mann's Push Push, which is exactly what that naked, slippery man is gonna do with his flute to you.
Cher's Take Me Home gets bonus points for actually inciting some uncontrollable squirming, and as for the big winner, well, let's just say the Cracked writer pretty much nailed that one, and hilariously so.
Also included on the list are albums by Madonna, Prince and Adam Lambert, among others. Do yourself a favour and check it out for some laughs.