Published Feb 20, 2007What are your current fixations?
Well Im really into the Kasabian album, but Ive just got an album in New York by a guy called M. Ward, its called Post-War. Fookin hell man. Ive never heard this guy before, and I was doing a photo shoot, as us rock stars generally do, and some guy was playing it in the background. I was like, "Whats that fookin music? And hes like, [adopts American accent] "Dude, its M. Ward. One of the best albums Ive ever heard actually.
Why do you live where you do?
Why do I live in London? Because its the centre of the universe, young man. I think its everybodys right and duty, if theyre not gonna leave the country that they live in, is to at least live in the capital because its the biggest fookin city. Thats not strictly true, because you wouldnt go live in Washington if you were in America. I wouldnt anyways. Londons the capital of Europe its one of the great six, seven cities of the world. I came for the weekend in 1994 and Ive never been back to Manchester.
What has been your most memorable or inspirational gig and why?
Can I pick two that Ive attended? One was in 1992 at a place called G-Mex in Manchester and it was U2, Public Enemy and Kraftwerk on the same bill. Fookin dig that. It was on U2s Zoo TV tour and it was mind-blowing. I wasnt even in a band at that point, but it was like, "When I get in a fookin band thats how Im fookin havin it. The second gig was about three years ago when Neil Young was doing his solo acoustic tour of Greendale. It was just him, an acoustic guitar and his mouth organ at the Hammersmith Apollo in London and it was just fookin outrageous. He played the whole album from start to finish and you kind of sit there watching him and think, "Fookin hell man, I havent made it yet. Dya know what I mean? Hes the master. And then of course, true to form, you go out and buy the album and its absolute dog shit. [The movie] is fookin dreadful. I kind of like Neil Young just because hes fookin punk rock, he and Dylan. Crazy old dudes man.
What have been your career highs and lows?
Career high, I guess, is playing at Maine Road in Manchester because it was the grounds of the football team Ive supported since I was a child [Manchester City FC]. It was the first stadium we played and it was amazing. It was so inconceivable that a kid from around the corner from the football ground would get to play that. And a career low? I dont know because theyre all part of the story, so theyve added something in a weird kind of way.
Whats the meanest thing ever said to you before, during or after a gig?
During? I dont fookin listen to what any of those idiots have got to say during a gig. But Lars Ulrich came to see us one night we tune our own guitars up because were still capable of doing that and he was like, [adopts perfect Ulrich accent] "F-Fuck, you know, you know you guys should really fuckin get one of your fuckin road crew to tune your guitars. The fuckin spaces in between the songs are too long. And its just like, "Look man, I dont know if anyones ever pointed this out to you before, but youre the fookin drummer in Metallica. Now you fookin get on with that and leave the rest of it to us.
What should everyone shut up about?
George Bush, I guess. Thats kind of a lame thing to say though. I mean hes a scary idiot, everybody knows that, dont they? So just let him get on with it. Hes not gonna be around in two years anyway, is he? Thank the lord.
What traits do you most like and most dislike about yourself?
What I most dislike about myself is the fact that I think Im capable of achieving anything. If somebody came up to me and said, "Were just having a bet over there and my mate reckons that you couldnt swim the English Channel. And Id say, "Really? Gimme the fookin trunks! Now I cant swim, but Id still give it a go. Plus, I also interrupt people a lot. That annoys me. I love the fact that Ive managed to generate myself an extraordinary amount of cash. I really am very proud of that because it allows me to interrupt people.
What advice should you have taken, but did not?
Dont fookin join your brothers band. And this is my advice to people: if youre ever gonna join a band, dont have any family members in it. Its wrong. The Everly Brothers and the Kinks will tell you the same fookin thing. It always ends in tears. Always.
What would make you kick someone out of your band and/or bed, and have you?
Well, theres been a healthy turnover of band members, as you probably know. It doesnt take much to get you fired in Oasis. Not turning up for band meetings is an instant dismissal. And kick someone out of bed? I guess if I was hungry or not and I needed feeding. "Just get on with my fookin bacon sandwiches and shut up! Although, Ive never done that before in my entire life, you see. I guess any form of flatulence. That would be wrong.
What do you think of when you think of Canada?
I think of being absolutely freezing fookin cold. And I also think of this fookin weird, weird French influence. Whats that all about? What business have they got over there? Why French? I was in a Dunkin Donuts in Canada, and the menu was in French the whole thing, right. And I asked the woman for a coffee, and she only spoke French. Now, Ive taken a lot of drugs in my time mate, but Ive got to say that the single most frightening experience of my life was thinking, "I could have swore I was fookin in Canada when I got off that tour bus. And now Im in am I? No. I dont know. And then I said to the woman, "You can speak English, cant you? And I think she was getting annoyed that I was being a bit rude by that point, because she was only speaking French. I was going, "I know you can speak English. Were in Canada. And I know you understand what Im saying. I may have brought up something about the war and then left.
What is your vital daily ritual?
A cup of very strong tea and a Marlboro Light in the morning. Gotta have that. And at least two hours from the point of opening ones eyes to the point of getting ready for ones business. Gotta be two hours. I cant be getting up and going straight to practice. Thats out of order.
What are your feelings on piracy, internet or otherwise?
See, I like pirates. Thatd be a good occupation, wouldnt it? Id like to have been a pirate, if I wasnt a rock star. Some might say pirates are earlier day rock stars. Of course, on the sea. Fook internet piracy. How borings that? I just dont think I have an opinion on that. Well leave that to Lars Ulrich. Make an arse of yourself. Hey, if its out there for free and you can find it, then good for you. To be quite honest, between me and you, can I say this off the record? Ive got enough money. I dont need any more. Lars Ulrich has got enough money. He dont need anymore. Keith Richards or Paul McCartney have got more money than sense look at the way they dress. Its blatantly evident. Were well paid, us successful people.
What was your most memorable day job? Being a roadie [for the Inspiral Carpets]. Its almost up there with being a rock star. In fact, its less hassle than being a rock star, but you dont get paid as much.
How do you spoil yourself?
I own a lot of guitars, and if I see one Ill just buy it. I own lots of shoes. Shoes are important. Since I dont take drugs anymore, I have a real weakness for guitars and sunglasses.
If I wasnt playing music I would be
I guess Id still be a roadie. Id be setting guitars up for playing music.
What makes you want to take it off and get it on?
What does that mean? Get naked and start fooking goblins? I dunno, Viagra?
What has been your strangest celebrity encounter?
Well, Im one of the rare breed of rocknrollers who I actually does my own shopping. You can catch me at various supermarkets round the west end, buyin various household appliances and bits of food, stuff like that. So I kind of mix quite well with the general public, and I dont mind rubbing shoulders with the mere mortals in the street. I dont consider myself to be a celebrity. It doesnt freak me out going to buy a pint of milk. Not like Elton John or Robbie Williams I dont lock myself way from society and then claim that people dont understand me. But, have you met Lars Ulrich? Although hes a fookin geezer and I do love him, hes a strange character. A strange, strange man. I met William Shatner once, in a lift. He got in a lift we were in and we actually did resist the urge as he pushed the button to his floor, to say, you know what Im gonna say, dont you? I dont need to say it. But we all burst out laughing because we all wanted to say it. You know hes a midget, and he was kind of looking at us and said, [Adopting a Shatner accent] "Are you in some kind of band? Well, what? What does that fookin mean? Were in a band. And then he went, "You look like the Doors. Which one of us exactly?! Who looks like fookin Jim Morrison? Dya know what I mean? "Im not being Ray Manzarek, thats what I said. "Fook that! And Im certainly not being Robby fookin Krieger!
Who would be your ideal dinner guest, living or dead, and what would you serve them?
Right. What would I serve them? How many can I have? Right, well lets see, my dining table seats eight, so thats me and my girlfriend, so thats six guests. Bono, Bill Hicks, John Lennon I reckon its gonna be a shit party this, innit? Well lets just do lunch with five, and ham sandwiches I think. And if people didnt eat meat, just fookin eat the salad.
What does or did your mom wish you were doing instead?
My mum? Shes fookin havin a laugh. My mum actually thought wed amount to zero, so the fact that Im a fookin major rock star makes her happy. Maybe the fact that I just bought her a new house has something to do with it.
Given the opportunity to choose, how would you like to die?
Id like to die in my sleep, take a real cowards way out. Or overdose, preferably on heroin.
Perhaps the most verbally colourful band of the last 25 years, Oasis primarily songwriter/guitarist/occasional singer Noel and front-man Liam Gallagher know how to give the right sound bite at the right time without any care. But beyond their big gobs is a collection of songs that took Britain and a good portion of the world by storm, in a way unlike any other British band since their heroes: the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. This month, Oasis celebrate their 15-year existence with Stop the Clocks, a collection of the best songs, according to the band. Heavy on selections from their two masterpieces, debut album Definitely Maybe and its follow-up (Whats the Story) Morning Glory, the compilation may throw some off with its unbalanced track listing namely the complete write-off of their third album, the cocaine-fuelled circus Be Here Now. According to Noel, its just about honesty. "You cant be sentimental about these things. It was just like, If its that good, then why havent we played it for fookin six years? Subconsciously, in the back of all our minds, weve dismissed [Be Here Now]. Anyway, whos gonna argue that my best work was done over the first two records, and its only recently come back to work over the last two records. But its also about having a laugh too, something the band have done plenty of, even at their own expense over the years. "The middle two, well, not much inspiration going on there not that anybody out there shouldnt go out and buy them!