Lederhosen Lucil The Exclaim! Questionnaire

Lederhosen Lucil The Exclaim! Questionnaire
Lederhosen Lucil is a faux-German singer-songwriter and performance artist in the "hosebusiness" who claims to have been born in a place called Yamabierstein City, Kanada. She currently resides in Montreal.

Current fixations:
New hosen. If only mein alter ego Krista could sew faster I would have ein neue outfit for every gig! Oh, Dr. Snuggles und Licorice Whips. Und Fembots neue CD that has yet to be released. Ein addiction fixation, ja.

Mind-altering work of art:
The giant blueberry sculpture off the highway in Oxford, Nova Scotia. So cute, so giant, so fun! Oversized interactive public art rocks mein hose!

Most memorable or inspirational gig and why?
Seeing Cyndi Lauper und Tina Turner. Ein double estro bill von heaven. Seen through the eyes auf mein alt ego, I was oooing and aaaahing at all the pyrotechniques und set changes und costumes und I thought YES YES YES! I couldn't believe Ms. Lauper could still kick off her shoes while wearing ein green jumpsuit and at 8.35 months pregnant. Now that ist rock.
Mein 1st Annual Soiro Bizarro. Seeing freundlings form ein conga line during the opening J-Robot DJ act, then rocking out to the Quickies full tilt und munching on anarchist bake sale items.

What has been your career high and low?
Hmmm...hunting high und low, ja. Well, high: Opening for Le Tigre was sehr dreamy. Und low: Playing Lee's Palace to ten friends, door person made off with the few dollars we had fur cab fare und thumbing my way home in tears. Well, I let my alt. ego Krista take care of the tears actually. Lucil never cries.

What should everyone shut up about?
Acid wash. Why do people still fixate on das? We know it's hot. Let's move on freundlings. (Krista: Eww...acidwashenhosen! Don't get any ideas Lucil!)

I would drop everything to play a benefit for:
Candida Addicts Anonymous.

What trait do you like and dislike most about yourself?
Like: Mein golden locks auf hair. Sehr beautiful und serene.
Dislike: Mein golden locks auf hair. They stink after months of smoky bar stench. Yech!

What would make you kick someone out of your band and/or bed, and have you?
Krista has threatened to kick me out of her band a few times because I have expensive taste in food (more mock duck! more!) but people think I am sehr cute und musically fun so she can't get rid of me yet! (Regarding bed, I have yet to sleep in one. Diese far I sleep standing upright in the pantry.)

When I think of Canada I think:
Hosers. Hosen. Hosemusik! Und maple butter beer. Mmmmmmm.

What is your vital daily ritual?
Was ist ein ritual? Well, every day I wonder if I'll get to see the sunlight. I'm only usually allowed out at night.

How do you spoil yourself?
Every time I try out ein neue "style" on one of my drei Yamaha's I give myself a tooth ache. Ja, it's that sweet to experiment. Sigh.

What was your most memorable day job?
Working as ein sporting goods mannequin in mein home town Yamabierstein. I look gut in ein bicyclo-helmutten. Actually, das was mein only job before I was transported to Canada.

If I wasn't playing music I would be:
A flavour chemist inventing such delicacies as the non-refined-sugar-veggie-schnitzel jelly bean.

What is your greatest fear?
Being left in the pantry, or in the duffle bag, ad infinitum, ja.

If you had a superpower, what would it be?
I think making people auf all different groups of ages, styles, genres etc. laugh und hose mit me und mein musik ist zoopahpowerliken. I would like to melt mean bully people into maple syrup with mein hazelnut eyes und transform plastic bags into tasty vegan pancakes.

What makes you want to take it off and get it on?
I'm not sure what diese question means but Krista, mein alt ego makes me get aut of plainclothes und into suedehosen or intergalactichosen for every show I play.

Music and sex: Is there a difference? Why?
Was ist sex? Oh, let me try und guess. Hmmm. Ha! Can't fool mich! They are spelled different.

Strangest brush with celebrity:
Mein alter ego Krista was taking ein shortcut in das winter through ein mall. As she passed das stinky perfume section her eye was struck by an obscene shade auf lipstick. She went up to the Mac counter und stared at it. She heard ein familiar voice and looking beside her, she saw Alan Alda mit his young daughter giggling at the same bizarre shades. Their eyes met for ein moment und he smiled ein very warm und friendly smile.

Who would be your ideal dinner guest, living or dead, and what would you serve them?
Devo. I would serve them champagne w. grapefruit sorbet, then mock duck with crispy spinach & crispy basil (w. a side of steamed rice and peanut sauce), und end with baked Alaska und an assorted fruit & cheese plate. We might even have those hot steamed cloths to make our pores open up and scream "Hey dirt! It's time. We're open!"

What does your mom wish you were doing instead?
My mom ist some chemist in a lab und I'm not sure she knows I survived the trauma auf being ein mutant, being transported to some alternate dimension, und then landing back on earth to play Yamaha keyboards/sing songs. If she did know, she probably would wish me to be her clone slave or something making her chocolate haystacks und almond crescents.