King Buzzo The Exclaim! Questionnaire

King Buzzo The Exclaim! Questionnaire
King Buzzo is the guitarist/vocalist for Los Angeles-based band the Melvins and plays guitar with Mike Patton project Fantômas. Out now: Melvins studio album Hostile Ambient Takeover and Melvins/Fantômas live album Millennium Monsterwork (both on Ipecac).

Current fixations:
I'm at this moment really interested in pot smoking and big screen TV. I'm thinking of embracing a heroin addiction in the near future as a result of these gateway drugs just not working for me anymore. I need more "kick."

Mind-altering work of art:
I stood and stared out into the air for a few hours yesterday so I guess my answer would be "air."

Most memorable or inspirational gig and why?
I pulled an "El-Kabong" on a four-eyed little fucker at one of our shows a couple of years ago that kept us all laughing for days. Laughter really is the best medicine.

What has been your career high and low?
Career high would have to be shooting dope with Leif Garrett in the back of a Ryder truck as we crossed the American/Canadian border. I guess the low point was not getting accepted into GIT, BIT, or PIT.

What should everyone shut up about?
How cool it is to shove dead racoon heads up your own ass. We call it "coon stuffing."

I would drop everything to play a benefit for:
Jello Biafra.

What trait do you like and dislike most about yourself?
I dislike my inability to tell the difference between a feminist and a woman just acting like a bitch.

What would make you kick someone out of your band and/or bed, and have you?
Not hitting on me.

When I think of Canada I think:
Wide open spaces just waiting for American tanks to roll across.

What is your vital daily ritual?
Watching a hooker shoot smack in a hotel room while me and a seven-year-old kid drink Budweisers.

How do you spoil yourself?
Hitting a lot of the more famous Hollywood watering holes and getting loaded. You never know who you will run into. Last week I got ripped at a place called The Rum Room with one of the stars of that ‘70s TV show Emergency.

What was your most memorable day job?
Mucking out stalls at the "Lusty Lady Theater" in San Francisco. It wasn't really a paying gig, it was more of a get it while it's hot type of thing.

If I wasn't‚ playing music I would be:
PE teacher or professional pointer.

What is your greatest fear?
Butt waxing the hard way.

If you had a superpower, what would it be?
Reverse enema power!

What makes you want to take it off and get it on?
Not wearing underwear. Now that's what I call exciting. Maybe even a burlap pants with no underwear deal. Now your talking!

Music and sex: Is there a difference? Why?
I wouldn't know. I'm a talentless virgin. I get all the kicks I need from drinkin'.

Strangest brush with celebrity:
I exchanged numbers with Madonna at a downtown L.A. methadone clinic a few years back. She was looking pretty desperate and I had the number of a "croaker" who could write like a general.

Who would be your ideal dinner guest, living or dead, and what would you serve them?
Any dead member of the Black Panthers or maybe Malcolm X. I'd legally change my name to Buzz X just for the occasion and we'd all eat sushi and talk about how fat J- Lo's ass is.

What does your mom wish you were doing instead?
I don't even know where she is. She spent a lot of time in the "joint" while I was growing up so I developed a severe hatred of her from an early age. I haven't seen here in over 14 years. My guess is she's back in jail or deep in the cold cold ground. Unless of course her body was dumped in the desert. In that case her bones would be bleached white from the blazing sun.