Jack White Fires Back at Guinness, Promises to Break Record for "Most Metaphors in a Single Concert"

Jack White Fires Back at Guinness, Promises to Break Record for "Most Metaphors in a Single Concert"
The back-and-forth between Jack White and Guinness World Records has taken a new, bizarre twist. The garage rocker recently complained that the White Stripes' one-note concert in Newfoundland back in 2007 ought to have been recognized by Guinness, to which the organization responded that they briefly did acknowledge the feat before dismissing it on the grounds of trivializing the very activity it involves. In a new statement, White announced plans to break another concert-related record, and, well, it's a bit of a strange one.

An extremely tongue-in-cheek statement on the Third Man Records website notes that Jack will be going for the record of the "most metaphors in a single concert." The post also jokes that the recently released solo album Blunderbuss is in contention for the title of "fastest named album in history."

Something tells us that Guinness isn't going to react favourably to either of these suggestions, but then again, White probably does expect it to. The statement is dripping with irony, especially when it explains that the records "will be examined in accordance with Guinness' usually very thorough methods probably, or at the very least if somebody answers the phone at the pub."

All right, Guinness, it's your move. Read the full statement below.

Third Man Records is proud to announce that Jack White has again decided to take on the tremendous challenge of getting into the Guinness Book of World Records.

During the rest of the performances on his current tour supporting his new album "Blunderbuss" (which incidentally is currently in the running for the world record of "the fastest named album in history" *pending), Jack White will every night on stage attempt to break the world record for most metaphors in a single concert.

The attempt may prove very exhausting and at times even dangerous, but the results could prove to be glorious and possibly even vainglorious. We are certain that the extremely scientific and intricate analysis of the metaphors that occur will be examined in accordance with Guinness' usually very thorough methods probably, or at the very least if somebody answers the phone at the pub.

Third Man Records encourages all attendees of said concerts to please not interfere or interject with any metaphors that they witness occur during the show as to not disqualify or worse yet, trivialize the metaphor in question. In addition all concert attendees are encouraged to entice as many metaphors to occur during the show that they possibly can as long as they don't endanger themselves or Mr. White.

Let's all help to make history folks! Thank you and we'll see you in the record books!