Before we share this story, please look up at the address bar in your browser and confirm that you're not reading the punk-scene comedy website The Hard Times. Further proof that real news can be funnier than any comedy writer's best joke, Ivanka Trump has opened up about her "punk phase."
Yes, just like most kids coming of age in the '90s, the woman partially responsible for the worst Republican party America has ever seen was also once enamoured with loud, feedback-drenched guitars and thrift store fashion.
According to New York Magazine, Ivanka was given a handful of pages in her mother Ivana Trump's new memoir Raising Trump. In it, she opened up about her childhood — complete with some badass punk fashions.
Here's Ivanka's relevant passage:
During my punk phase in the nineties, I was really into Nirvana. My wardrobe consisted of ripped corduroy jeans and flannel shirts. One day after school, I dyed my hair blue. Mom wasn't a fan of this decision. She took one look at me and immediately went out to the nearest drugstore to buy a $10 box of Nice'n Easy. That night, she forced me to dye my hair back to blond. The color she picked out was actually three shades lighter than my natural color… and I have never looked back!
Like most '90s alternative kids, Ivanka too was depressed with Kurt Cobain took his own life. Well, at least until her supper was served:
It wasn't too long after this that Kurt Cobain, the singer, songwriter, and guitarist for Nirvana, committed suicide. It was a shock and I was distraught. Mom had no idea who Kurt Cobain was, and she sympathized only so much. After twenty-four hours of my crying inconsolably in my room, alone — major melodrama — Mom had to pull me out of there to go down to dinner.