Published Jun 20, 2008So, Ive heard the leak. After 17 years (we dont count The Spaghetti Incident?, do we?), nine songs of what could be the most ridiculously anticipated, delayed and overblown album ever has surfaced thanks, most likely, to an excited blog called Antiquiet, which must be run by some insider (likely a mailroom clerk!) at Geffen because I cant understand how it got the actual album tracks.
How do I know its not a fake? Well, mainly because it is Guns N Roses. Theres no mistaking Axls overcooked sandpaper howl, though on "The Blues, a standout piano ballad (no, not like "November Rain, think far inferior and just plain shitty), the hot-temperedndreaded front-man does a remarkable Cher impersonation that falls in and out of Jack Black doing his inane rocknroll posturing. So, that songs interestingly terrible much like the rest of whats reared its head, sadly.
Holding your breath that Chinese Democracy actually lives up to expectations might help you sleep at night (I consulted Telehealth Ontario and they say it will do the opposite), but the truth of the matter is its a bloated mess that really doesn't belong anywhere in music today. Its arguable that GNR were always misfits that didnt fit in, and that they carved their own path, which made them so radical that certainly was the case. But things have drastically changed.
When I say "Madagascar doesnt belong, I mean it sticks out like a gushing, shredded thumb barely hanging on by a piece of tendon. This becomes clear at the 1:12 mark when Axl tries to hit and hold a note longer than his beaten lungs can actually sustain. That, as well as the samples ("What weve got here is a failure to communicate are they for real?), the dated looped beat (was this lifted from sessions back in 1995?) and the string over-saturation... need I go on?
And just so you know, I was really rooting for Axl and whoever else is in what theyre calling Guns N Roses (Tommy Stinson: Paul Westerberg really is just a phone call away! Hell do it, trust me). They were every kids favourite band from the years of 87 to 92, including mine. But the inflated legend of Chinese Democracy has made it impossible for the album to satisfy any fan, be it hardcore or casual. The danger just isnt there anymore, and neither are the songs judging by the nine that are floating around. Recommendation: lock it up and never let it see the light of day. Dont even keep a copy on your computer, because someone will steal it. Just a suggestion
Guns N Roses "The Blues