Great Kat

She's back. The Great Kat, best remembered for being the '80s queen of raging speed metal/classical guitar fury, as well as being extremely arrogant and loudmouthed, is now releasing her own CDs. Her latest follows the same format her last two did - four songs, two originals and two adaptations of classical pieces. The originals are a real mess, with our little sweetie screaming about castration and sodomising men over top a cacophony of speed metal noise - her most extreme stuff yet. The adaptations are, as always, a treat. Wonderfully played speed metal versions of recognisable classical songs. Eloquent as always, when asked why she plays the kind of music she does, she replies, "Wake up! This kind of music is called 'cyberspeed' and is specifically designed for fast-thinking, aggressive, competitive, internet-obsessed geniuses who want to think fast, move fast and work fast. All music in the 21st century will be short, to-the-point and fast! You don't have time for hour-long CDs anymore. People have no excuses anymore for being idiots, wake up!" I've always wondered what her parents think about what the Great Kat does. Modest as ever, she replies, "Everyone is on their knees bowing to the mighty, supreme goddess of classical/speed shred guitar! The great Kat's unique and revolutionary music is the only music in the world that is guaranteed to wake you morons up out of your lethargic, pathetic, inferior worlds!"