Chris McLaughlin Guelph, Ontario

Who are you? The next thing to normal.

What are you up to? Chillin', havin' a beer, watchin' the game.

Hometown and current HQ: Small town middle of nowhere.

Current fixations: Life in minature form.

Mind altering work of art (not your own):The Chicquita Banana symbol.

Most memorable/inspirational gig and why? That time I played with myself in front on the corner.

What should everyone shut up about?
That Rock 'n' Roll is dead.

Your greatest strength and weakness:
Jerkin' it/Women (you choose the order).

Your vital daily ritual:
See above answer.

Guilty pleasure: Also see above.

If I wasn't playing music I would be: Playing with myself.

Your most memorable day job:
Sittin' on the dock on the bay.

Best/worst advice received:
"If you jerk it, it will grow" works for both scenarios.

I would drop everything to play a benefit for: Asian Televison Network Benefit concert.

What makes you want to take it off and get it on? Anything with at least a 4th grade education.

What personal trait would make you kick someone out of your band? And have you? Not jerkin' it enough.

When I think of Canada I think:
When will Jean Chretien get it over with and let Bush ram the American flag up his ass?

Music and sex: Is there a difference? Why? I don't have to pay for Napster.

Strangest brush with celebrity:
I think Hillary Clinton caught me jerkin' it once

What does your mom wish you were doing instead? Studying for finals and not jerkin' it so much.