Austrian Death Machine "What It's Like To Be A Singer At Band Practice"

Austrian Death Machine "What It's Like To Be A Singer At Band Practice"
I almost don't want to know anything about Austrian Death Machine. I want to imagine that Arnold Schwarzenegger is actually the front-man of and that he's come to realise that at this point in life metal is where he belongs.

Alas, this isn't the case. Instead, the band are a solo side-project of As I Lay Dying vocalist Tim Lambesis, who it appears is a hardcore Arnold fanatic. So much so he's recruited some dude named Ahhhnold, a 240-pound front-man who sounds identical to the Governator.

ADM's debut album, Total Brutal, is released through Metal Blade, and shit, even if you aren't a metal fan you can certainly appreciate a good parody and the abuse of those classic Schwarzenegger one-liners (see "It's Not A Tumor"), which is what this project is focused on more than anything: celebrating Arnie's greatness by stealing the skit from the stale clutches of hip-hop and adopting it as a new fixture in metal.

As decent as Lambesis's frantic metal tunes are, the standout track is easily the accurate "What It's Like To Be A Singer At Band Practice." Depicting the pain and suffering a front-man must go through enduring instrumental noodling during practice, Ahhhnold is trapped amongst his band-mates who are stuck in "fucking around mode." Anyone who's ever spent five minutes in a band will see the truth in this track and appreciate the beauty in its portrayal. Absolute genius!

Here is the band's M.O. in their own words, which I certainly can't argue with:

Whenever a new band comes out I often hear it said, "that's exactly what you'd expect from a heavy band." I beg to differ. Austrian Death Machine is exactly what you should hear from a heavy band.

- A continuously fast paced tempo you can always circle pit to.

- The obvious build up to a breakdown you'll know how to mosh to.

- Classic sing alongs to pile up and sing along with.

- A guitar solo in every song.

And yes... I would never leave out the obvious key component. Cliche vocals that sound really angry! None of this scary screaming with makeup or goofy lows that we can all make under our breath.

Lastly, lets move onto lyrical content. I've heard plenty of metal bands steal lyrics from angry fourth graders that hate going to church or don't want to clean their rooms. Now it's time to steal lyrics from the great minds of Hollywood screen writers that at least made it to sixth grade. Don't miss listening to the hit track "Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers."

Bottom line, Austrian Death Machine is fast, pissed, brutal and every song has a guitar solo. You won't find fantasy lyrics or overly poetic personal jargon. There are only forcefully chanted, testosterone driven phrases that our sweet governor Arnold would approve of.

Austrian Death Machine is a tribute to the great Arnold movies. It is a band fronted by Ahhnold with music I wrote and recorded in my free time. But, most importantly, I had so much fun!

Austrian Death Machine "If It Bleeds, We Can Kill It"