Turistas John Stockwell

"At least it isn’t a remake.” That’s really the only conclusion to come to after Turistas ends but still, there are plenty of times when it feels like you’re watching Hostel on The Beach. Offing young and sexy travellers always has moments of eye candy, not to mention the desirable execution of that bothersome one in the bunch, but for the most part, this paint-by-numbers thriller does little to turn the tables on its genre’s clichés. Set in the tempting land of Brazil, a group of Yanks and Brits find themselves in a sticky situation when their bus crashes en route to their resort. Thankfully, they stumble upon a beach paradise during their wait and spend the night getting raunchy to Baile funk on the dance floor, downing cheap drinks and shacking up with the local prostitutes. The party soon dies when they wake up and all their gear is gone, as well as a couple of the pretty Swedes. Yes, they’ve entered the bad part of Brazil where hot bods are seduced and trapped by sinister surgeons that trade organs on the black market. You can likely guess by the amount of screen time given to each actor who keeps and who loses their gizzards, and by the end credits you’re already wondering why they didn’t just serve the whole cast to the needy Brazilians. The few gory scenes are primarily surgical and this paltry "unrated” DVD’s only extra explores the lengths they went to achieve them. The crew seem to think that they’ve topped Tom Savini or something with the two or three effects they pull off, although credit is due for recreating a full naked latex body of cast member Beau Garrett. Though I previously described it as "a half-bad film that would probably look better on DVD,” after a second viewing I suggest avoiding this Hollywood-manufactured nonsense for something with a smaller budget but more imagination. (Fox)