Transporter 3 Olivier Megaton

Transporter 3 Olivier Megaton
With a half-naked Jason Statham battling evil Americans and their mad global pollution schemes for reasons that are a little ambiguous and illogical, Transporter 3 offers up much of the ludicrous action, cornball humour, awkward plotting and atrocious dialogue that fans of the series are accustomed to. It is slightly chattier than previous outings, having a great deal of discussion about sausages and fish, but mirrors the many over-the-top, rapidly edited fight scenes, explosions and implausible car-based acrobatics of the first two entries.

Jumping into the action with little ado, Frank Martin (Jason Statham) is shackled with a bracelet that will not allow him to move more than 75-feet from his car without exploding. He then must transport Valentina (Natalya Rudalkova), the kidnapped daughter of a Ukrainian politician (Jeroen Krabbe), from Marseilles to Odessa.

The many cronies and detours that come along the way, as well as the pragmatic Valentina’s bizarre tendency to do recreational drugs while in peril, only exacerbate this cumbersome task.

While it would be easy to harp on strange conveniences and peculiarities, such as the fact that the many villains who battle Frank are polite enough to "wait their turn,” as well as the decision to strip during battle, it would be a moot point, as those who enjoy this sort of thing are not looking for probability.

That said, anyone who has even the slightest interest in pesky things like the ability to act, a coherent script, sincere direction or a believable romantic connection are in for serious disappointment with this one.

In fact, if taken at face value, Transporter 3 might be the worst film to hit the big screen since 88 Minutes stunk up Cineplexes earlier this year. That is, if anyone were compelled to define this confounding series of events as a "film.” (Maple)